New Kid
by JesterChester
Summary: Santana Lopez has just moved to Ohio, it wasn't exactly her first option, but now that she's there she might as well make the best out of it. It can't be that bad, can it?
1. Chapter 1

**So I just got this idea in my head and decided to go ahead and write it down. This is sort of AU, because Santana is a new to Ohio. This will eventually be a Pezberry story, but it could go different ways to get there. I want to build the relationships of everyone with Santana and hopefully keep it entertaining with plot twist and everything. I hope you guys like it.**

Everything was already in place. From the looks of the students, I knew that everyone was in their place too. I wish it mattered to me; I found it pretty tough to get things to matter to me now. It was stupid to feel like an outsider, I must have given it away with my looks, the way my eyes roamed around the hallways reaching the ground whenever I accidently made eye contact with anyone.

The worst part was: I was lost. I was so desperately and embarrassingly lost that I seriously debated returning to my car and driving home. By home, I of course didn't mean that two story suburban cliché that we'd just moved in to, I actually meant my home which seemed like it was one thousand miles away. The reality was though, it was actually 2,478 miles away, and screw me for counting that out as we drove across America to get here.

I finally found the main office though; at least I could pat myself on the back for that. I opened the door cautiously and stepped inside the glass room, to find myself staring blankly at the secretary sitting there. She looked busy; the way her grey curls bounced as she moved from one piece of paper to another, ferociously writing and typing, told me that. I cleared my throat, loud enough to be heard, but not in the obnoxious way, as if I was trying to draw all the attention towards me.

"Oh, hello there. Can I help you with something?" She asked cheerfully. I took a step forward and reached into my new backpack and pulled out the folder my father insisted I had to turn in.

"I'm a transfer student, here are my forms. I know my father called and set things up but I-." She took the forms and scanned them over with her beady eyes resting behind her square glasses.

"Santana Lopez?" She questioned finally looking up from the papers. I nodded and zipped up my backpack. I secretly hoped that there was so loophole that meant I couldn't come here. That I could just stay home, lie in my bed, and never move for as long as I lived. "Well I've got your schedule for you and your locker combination. Lucky for you that you're here right on time. You'll be able to meet all your teachers and the students." _Yeah lucky me_, I thought to myself taking my schedule and a small slip of paper, which had three digits scribbled down on it. "Would you like me to call someone to the office to show you around?" She asked already reaching for the phone.

"Oh, no I-…well I think I can figure things out. I used to be in Girl Scouts when I was younger, this is nothing like the forest." Actually I was in Boy Scouts, because my mom didn't want my older brother and I to be separated, so I was forced to do everything with him. I didn't mind being in Boy Scouts, at least I knew how to tie a sheet knot, how many girls do I know that can do that?

"Alright, well if you have any questions or concerns feel free to come to the office. Have a nice day Santana." I didn't have the heart to tell the secretary that there wasn't that much of an emphasis on the second 'a' in my name. I also realized that I didn't even get the secretary's name, so I don't even know who she is. Looks like that'll be the last time I'm ever in there.

I guess that locker number 397 was to the left and down the hall. I was proud of myself when I found it within five minutes. I wasn't so lucky with actually opening it. I found out after a lot of effort that you had to hit the locker twice and jiggle the hand while turning the knob, and then it would open.

Once it was open, I starred at the blank space inside and sighed. Why the hell did I even open this? This is my first day; I don't have anything to put in there. I slammed the door shut and turned to head off to my first class. I had English and that was alright with me, it was simple to me, something I could understand.

I slowly opened the door and thirty-seven eyes shot towards me. Eighteen students and one brown haired woman of about her mid-thirties. I regretted not having a note or something to explain myself, I knew that the woman would ask, but was it too much to wish she'd just let it go?

"Hello." She said crossing her legs and leaning back on her desk.

"Hi, I'm new. Santana Lopez." I didn't know what exactly to do next. She began walking towards me and I just stood there, hoping she'd take the lead. Her hand shot out and I shook it, that part was easy, but I didn't know if I was supposed to say something or turn towards the class and repeat my name for them to hear.

"Oh of course, I talked to Mrs. Huxley earlier about you. I'm Ms. Corcoran, you can take a seat right over there, we're in the midst of reading _Othello_." I took a seat in the desks where she had pointed to a second ago. I didn't look at any of the students around me or even pay attention to what they were saying. I'd read the book at least four times, but I couldn't bear having anyone judging me before my first full day here.

I glanced out the window and saw that the sun was finally coming out. I didn't know if that happened a lot in Ohio. I didn't know anything about Ohio. Up until this point I guess I didn't really see it. It was all just something distant, a place I didn't understand.

The bell ringing pulled me out of my thoughts and I got out of my desk chair and hurried out of the room. Just as I was about to turn the corner in the threshold of the door, Ms. Corcoran's voice caught me. "Santana!" It wasn't a yell it was just a call out to me. I turned and walked back in. Was I in trouble? Already? "Here's a copy of the book, I know it's probably difficult for you to get everything you need especially because you just arrived." I didn't know whether to feel insulted because it sounded to me like she thought I was dirt poor; or thankful because it sounded like she was trying to understand me. I decided that thankful worked just as well as insulted.

"Oh no I don't-."

"No honestly it's fine. I don't know if the school board knows this or not, but they've given me more than one copy of all these books. If you don't take it I was just thinking of selling it online." I smiled and she laughed a little to herself before picking up the book off her desk and handing it to me.

"Thank you." I said as I took the book. As I walked out of the room, I realized that the two people I've interacted with have both been genuinely kind. I knew that there was no way everyone was like that, but if I could spend the next two years interacting with the secretary and Ms. Corcoran then my life wouldn't be so bad.

I rushed to my locker with my first hint of excitement as I actually had something to put in there. I slammed my fist into the locker twice, jingled the handle and used the knob to turn to the numbers 16, 3, and 14. The locker popped open and I placed the book in making sure it stayed up.

"Hi, are you new?" I turned to my right and my eyes connected with the shimmering blues of a blonde boy that stood just a few inches over me. He tilted his head to the side and smiled.

"Um yeah I sorta am." I said closing my locker. I turned my body fully towards him and saw that his mouth made up about half of his face and he had the most charming dimples I've ever seen. His blonde hair fell slightly in his face and his skin glinted slightly in the reflection of the light from the windows just around the corner.

"Sorta?" He questioned.

"No I mean I am, it's just…strange saying that I guess." He closed his locker and pulled his backpack up evenly around his shoulders. I mirrored his actions but kept my gaze down. I felt like such a weirdo right now.

"I'm Sam." He said and then he got this sparkle in his eyes and his grin grew. "Sam I am. Get it?" He asked hopefully.

"Yeah Dr. Seuss." I replied laughing a little to myself. "I'm Santana." I told him and he nodded.

"Well, nice to meet you, Bjergen Kjargen, from Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords." I didn't want to laugh out right because I had no idea what the hell he was talking about and he was the first student I'd spoken to. Maybe it was some sort of Ohio joke that everyone was in on except me. "Wayne's World 2." He said simply as an explanation, but I was still slightly baffled.

"Oh." I said. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my schedule. "Do you know where the chemistry room is?" I asked.

"Yeah it's down the hall to the left and then a quick right." He offered.

"Thanks…um is it Samuel or just Sam?" I asked making sure I got things right.

"It's just Sam. And is it Santana or Santa?" We both laughed wholeheartedly and when he said he had to go in the opposite direction I waved goodbye to him. I began walking towards the chemistry room, hoping that everybody in Ohio was as strange and funny as Sam.

So maybe Ohio wasn't so bad.

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	2. Chapter 2

**I couldn't help but write another chapter for this today. I hope you guys enjoy it.**

I got through my first four classes still thinking the world of the people in Lima, Ohio. No one asked too many questions, they just simply introduced themselves and smiled when I told them my name. Up until lunch, I thought that these kids were born in factories that programmed them to talk a certain way and be polite at all time. Then I had lunch.

I got into the long lunch line and got a grilled cheese sandwich and a salad. I passed on the apple juice instead reaching for the orange juice waiting for me at the end of the long countertop. I paid and scanned the lunchroom. Everyone was placed by cliques, it was just like any other school in America. I should have guessed as much, but I just had to get my hopes up about Lima.

I strongly debated heading straight for the bathroom and sitting on the closed lid of a toilet and eating there. It worked in Mean Girls right? But I was no Caddy Heron, but I did spot someone who slightly resembled Regina George strutting down the paths allotted to her by people running out of her way.

"Hey Santana!" I looked to my left and caught Sam waving at me from a table occupied by three other people. There was one seat left and by the way Sam was smiling, it looked like he wanted me to sit there. The only problem was Sam was sitting with a group. I just didn't do well with groups. I vigilantly walked over to Sam's table and placed my tray down first before feeling comfortable enough to sit.

"Hi Sam…hi everyone." I added the second part because I was still a little unsure about the protocol from introducing in groups. The boy to my left had full lips and his hair was perfectly placed upon his small head. He was wearing a scarf over a warm cardigan, and his light eyes roamed over me before he grinned and held out his delicate fingers for me to shake. I did, feeling the visible contrast of his pale fingers to my tanned skin.

"I'm Kurt Hummel." He said with a grin. The girl next to him was one of those goth kids. She wore black everything but her smile told me something else about her. She wasn't into the goth scene, maybe she just wanted to wear clothes that made her feel comfortable. I was on board with that completely. "This is Tina, you know Sam, and-."

"I'm Rachel Barbra Berry." I realized that I didn't notice the tiny girl sitting right next to Sam when I first walked over. With a confident grin like that, I was surprised she wasn't the first person I saw. She had on this ridiculous yet adorable penguin sweater and her eyes were fixed on me, I didn't know why until I realized that she was waiting for me to introduce myself.

"I'm Santana." It had become like a mantra at this point. It sounded so rehearsed this time that I wouldn't in a million years even believe it was my real name. I took a bite of my sandwich hoping that everyone around me would realize that I didn't want to talk.

"So where are you from?" Tina asked with an eager smile.

"California." The way their eyes lit up made me immediately regret saying anything. They already had this idea planted in their minds about who I was now. It was like they were creating their own story about me and I had no say in it. "It's not the place you think it is, trust me. I mean people in Lima are much nicer."

"Hey fag-boy what's goin on?" Even in the rustling and laughter in the entire lunchroom, the booming voice of a rugged jock could be heard above everything else. I turned my head to catch a glimpse of who it was I only caught the tail end of a William McKinley High varsity jacket. If it was even possible Kurt's face paled even more and the table got quiet.

"Apparently I spoke too soon." I muttered glaring over at a table full of football jocks. I didn't know whether to feel bad about Kurt or myself. I shouldn't have sat down here, because I'd just gotten involved in something I wanted no part of.

"It can get tough here." Sam insisted. He had no idea what tough was, but I let him believe what he wanted. It was a little too early to start changing people's minds about anything. "Whatever though, back to you. Did you move here with your whole family?" He questioned.

"Yeah, me, my dad, and my dog." I didn't have to look up to know that Rachel was smiling at me. I took another bite of my sandwich and tossed the burnt sandwich down on my plate. I think I'll just wait to eat at home. I pushed my tray forward and rested my elbows on the table.

"That's cute, I wish I had a dog, but my parents won't let me get one." I sympathized with Rachel. It took me my whole childhood to convince my father to let me get one and even to this day, he hates Charlie. "Do you know what class you have next?" Rachel asked. I quickly reached into my pocket and yanked out the wore piece of paper with my schedule on it.

"Spanish apparently." Tina and Kurt gave me similar expressions. "I needed one class I knew I wasn't going to fail. Are you guys gonna rat me out?" I asked holding my breath.

"No, that's a genius idea." Sam interjected. "Tina, Kurt and I have gym so maybe we'll see you later." Sam said as he walked away with the other two. I nodded a goodbye to them and turned my attention back to Rachel. She seemed to be contemplating something as she dug through her salad.

"What do you think of Ohio so far?" She asked finally. It was clear to me now that we were both finished eating. Rachel was just pretending to rummage through her salad because she thought that I wasn't finished. I don't think I've ever met someone that thoughtful. I smiled bashfully and held back a goofy grin. "What?"

"I'm finished too; you didn't have to wait around for me even if I wasn't." I explained to her. She was caught and that seemed to make her let out a sigh of relief.

"It would have been incredibly rude of me to just leave." We stood up in unison and put out trays where they were supposed to go apparently because I was only following Rachel. I didn't realize how short she was until now and for some reason that just made her so amusing. "And I also have Spanish right now, so that would have made our meeting in class extremely awkward." I nodded at her logic and followed her into the classroom. The room was completely empty and I wondered if we'd gone to the wrong place. That would be pretty unlikely considering the fact that Rachel went to this school. Or did she? Sometimes I hated my imaginative mind and questioned my sanity.

"I guess I owe you or something." I said taking a seat down in the front row.

"Yes I think you do." Rachel said taking the seat next to me.

"Really? I was sorta hoping you would say I didn't." I admitted.

"Well I could use a good source to cheat off of during test." My bag fell to the ground with a rather loud thud. If this didn't teach me not to judge a book by its cover nothing would. I thought Rachel was one of those goodie two shoes types, who got to class early and placed apples on the teachers desks. "I'm kidding." I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled at her, she'd had me going there for a second.

"You got me." I said looking up at the clock at the front of the room. "So does stuff like that, I mean with that Kurt kid happen a lot?" I questioned with the curiosity of a cat. Rachel shrugged and pulled out a notebook from her backpack.

"It's tough being the only out kid in a school. Kurt gets it pretty bad." I nodded in understanding, when really I didn't get it at all. Kurt was a tiny person, but he seemed sweet, Lima could do a lot worse.

"That's stupid." I said plainly.

"Yeah…yeah it is." I could feel Rachel's eyes on me for the next five minutes. I knew that she was contemplating again, but this time she didn't open her mouth to speak. She had questions, millions of them, and so did I. It would just have to wait, I couldn't have a whole city figured out in a day, and I'll be damned if I let anyone figure me out in a year.

**Read and Review please. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is the update. I really like writing Santana this way, I hope you guys like it too. Enjoy. **

The tree outside of my window was an oak. The roof leveled off for about five feet and then there was a thick branch connecting the ledge to the tree. It meant a simple escape; it meant that if I wanted to I could just leave.

I wasn't looking for a way out, at least not yet. Everything had been good here. When I returned home from school, my dad asked about a million questions though. The problem was I only had one answer for those questions. _It was good, the people were nice_. He immediately thought I was lying. He didn't say that of course, but the way he starred at me for that extra half a second and nodded afterwards told me enough.

Charlie came running into my room and sliding across my rug. He displaced the thick piece of fabric by about four feet. I got up from my chair and fixed the rug just to have Charlie flip over on his back and move it around again. Charlie the Chihuahua was just a ball of energy. I lifted him up easily into my arm and scratched the spot just below his ear.

The sound of the doorbell interrupted by thoughts and my eyes shot to the hallway just outside my door. I could hear my father ruffling through something downstairs, but I heard no footsteps. "Should I get that?" I asked Charlie who wagged his tail and let out a small bark before kissing my cheek. "Fine you go get it." I placed Charlie on the ground and watched as he darted from my room and hustled down the stairs.

I looked at the framework for my future bed and sighed audibly. When was that going to get here? "Santana, get the door will ya?" I rolled my eyes, but obeyed, running door the stairs and pulling open the door. I can honestly say that I was surprised to see Rachel standing there with a plate of cookies in her right hand and a bag in the other.

"Rachel, hi…um…" I pushed Charlie away from the door with my sockless heel and opened the screen door so that Rachel could come in. "Come on in." I took the bag from her and made sure Charlie stayed inside while Rachel passed me and went into the living room.

"Hi Santana, my parents would have come over and given this to you themselves, but their very busy. Those cookies are chocolate chip and the bag contains some fresh fruit. We didn't know what you would like so we got a little of everything." Rachel explained as I invited her into the kitchen. I took the plate from Rachel, placed the cookies on the countertop and put the bag of fruit in the refrigerator.

"You didn't have to do this." I said bashfully. I thought people only brought things over to neighbors in movies. That was a thing right, it always happened. It either meant the neighbor enjoyed the change or hated it. Charlie ran over and began nuzzling up to me. She bent down to one knee and began snapping her fingers hoping that he would come over to her.

"It's nothing, I enjoy baking actually, it's calming." No reading on a Sunday morning on the porch is calming. Listening to the rainfall why drinking hot chocolate is calming. Even skipping rocks across the creek on your backyard is calming. Baking was just work, it showed accomplishment, but it was just work. "What's your dogs' name?"

"Charlie." I said just as he poked his head between my legs and looked right at Rachel. "He's sort of shy." I scooped him off the ground and bent down to one knee, mirroring Rachel's position. I held him out so that she could pet him. She stroked his head and smiled as he licked one of her fingers.

"Is that something that runs in the family?" I tried to hide my blush by looking away, but that only made it worse. I bit my lips and set Charlie down on the ground. "Sorry, that was rude of me to say." We both stood at the same time and our eyes connected for the first true time that day. Her eyes were brown like mine, but much larger, and the way they lit up or dimmed matched her mood perfectly.

"Santana! Who was that at the-." My father held a filthy rag in his hands and I saw a smudge of oil on his chin. He was working out in the garage, but now he stood in the doorway looking between Rachel and I, and for some reason I could not open my mouth to speak. "Hello." He looked at me for clarification and finally I broke out of my stunned state.

"This is Rachel." I said hoping to God that he would not even think of shaking her delicate hand with his rough calloused dirty ones. He remained where he was but gave Rachel a smile.

"Are you our neighbor to the left or right?" He asked.

"The right. My parents moved in right when I was born. I think the neighborhood is such a friendly place." Her spiel for the surrounding area was only something she would tell an adult. I knew that if my father wasn't here I'd get the real story, but until then all I could do was listen while they spoke for awhile. It seemed mindless, that wasn't right, Rachel was someone different. Not thoughtless in any way.

"Well I have to finish up something with my car. Santana, can you get those two boxes you left by the side of the house?" I nodded and my father gave one quick smile Rachel's way before exiting back to the garage.

"I'd better go get those." I told Rachel, as I suddenly felt the need to move. I held the door open for Rachel, expecting her to head straight home. Instead, Rachel picked up the smaller of the two boxes from the side of the house and carried it up to the room. "You really did not have to do that." She shrugged and sat the box down by my dresser.

"Looks comfy." She joked nodding towards my bed.

"Yeah it's supposed to be coming today but…sleeping bags are just as good." I said slowly beginning to pace around my room. Something about the way Rachel was looking around made me think she was judging me. There was nothing to judge though; I had one dresser, one desk, and one framework for a bed. "Most of my stuff should be here by tomorrow but who knows."

"Do you miss California?" If only it was that simple. Then I could just sit here and talk to her, open up like I never have before, and explain to her what California meant to me. Maybe she'd understand, maybe I'd get her to cry or laugh, just once, or maybe I'd break her heart destroy her with shame, and regret telling her the tale of California.

She was an Ohio girl though. She'd never understand where I came from, she could never understand me. "It's complicated." I said as I lifted up my window and looked out at that ledge and oak tree.

"No it's not." She said plainly. I turned around and faced her with a smirk.

"It could be as complicated as rocket science, and you wouldn't know." I replied.

"Nothing is ever that complicated." She assured me. "Things aren't complicated they're just confusing and…unbearable." I looked away and out the window again.

"Sort of dark things to say to someone you don't even know, don't you think?" She didn't respond and I respected that. "So what's your thing?" I asked.

"What do you mean my _thing_?" She questioned back.

"You know everyone has a thing. Something they're known for. Like if I asked anyone at the school who Rachel was, how would they respond?" I'm not usually this analytical, unless there was something worth analyzing. Rachel was unique. I saw her with Sam, Tina, and Kurt, and I wondered how they all meshed together. Sam was the charming goof. Tina was the goth girl. Kurt was the queer boy. And Rachel was…that's where I always seemed to get stuck.

"Well what's your thing?" I didn't mind that she had answered a question with a question, it made her seem more intriguing to me.

"Struggling artist." I said minimally. "Now you."

"Well Santana…it seems to be that the answer to that question is just…_complicated_."

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	4. Chapter 4

**Okay so I'm just now hearing about Heather Morris and her nude pictures. I feel so bad for her because her privacy was invaded. Also Naya Rivera is hosting the GLAAD Media Awards, that's a huge bright spot for me. Anyway, that has nothing to do with this chapter, but enjoy.**

One day in and I was a goner.

When I was younger, I used to think that judging was the worst thing you could do. I took that whole 'not judging a book by its cover' like it was script in the bible. It meant everything to me. I would even make my dad take me to the library and I was pick books because their covers looked interesting and then force myself to read them all to see if my judgments were right.

It was hard not to judge people at McKinley though. The weird thing was that the only people who escaped my judgments were Sam and Rachel. I didn't want to judge them because I wanted to know them, I'd much rather try and understand them than to pretend that I did.

I was curious as to why those cheerleaders wore their uniforms all day. I can at least be honest in saying that. I didn't need their short skirts and skin tight tops to inform me of their athletic status. I would be able to tell just from their stuck up attitudes and plastered on smirks or scowls.

"They look like a bunch of stuck up bitches if you ask me." I said as I slid into the desk next to Rachel. She just shook her head like she knew something I didn't. I toyed with my pencil and waited for the teacher, Mr. Shuester, to enter. He was late yesterday too, and I wondered if I even had to show up on time here. "You know otherwise?"

"It just occurred to me that I could lie about absolutely everything to you." Rachel said.

"And why would you do that?" I asked calmly. To toy with me. To control me. To break me. To mold me. She had millions of reasons to do so, but I knew she wouldn't.

"Just because I could." I nodded and looked away from here for a second. It was only my second day and already I was getting mixed feelings. Was I supposed to understand these cryptic messages Rachel kept saying or was I supposed to just nod and agree? "You could lie to me too, you know? You could say you were like an avid collector or teddy bears or something, and I'd believe that." She was right, we could create completely knew personalities for ourselves for the other to see. We could put on these masks that were unbreakable until we wanted them destroyed.

"Deep isn't it?" I asked watching as Mr. Shuester walked in and wrote something on the board.

"Depressing too. Why are you writing this down, I thought you were fluent." I shrugged and copied down the notes from the board. Why were we even sitting in the front? I was more of the back of the room in the corner type.

"Shh, don't say the 'f' word out loud Rachel." I whispered keeping the smirk on my face. I had this feeling that if we were sitting at these desks in the middle of class she would have smacked me. The rest of the class period, when by smoothly and when the bell finally rang Rachel and I headed out of the room and walked separate directions towards our lockers.

"Big mistake new girl." I was shoulder cheeked as I saw a flash of blond hair swoop by me and I had to do a double take when I saw where the voice had come from. It was that cheerleader from yesterday. The one who quite literally was the Moses of the school. People parted for her like the damn red sea and I could see no reason for that from where I was standing.

"Watch it." I warned her as I tried to continue on my path towards my locker. A thin but firm hand gripped my wrist and spun me around with such force that I was sure it must have been a very feminine and strong man. No, it was still the blond cheerleader, with blazing hazel eyes and her hair neatly put up in a ponytail.

"Don't push your luck. Just because you're new, that doesn't mean I will hesitate to destroy you." It wasn't a empty threat, she was being serious, but I didn't care. Did she think she was going to scare me?

"I'll try not to piss my pants." I said sarcastically. Her face faltered and she stepped down from her aggressive stance.

"I'm trying to help you out." She said sounding almost earnest. I pulled my backpack closer around my shoulder and looked around. "You think you can make it in this school hanging around that _freak_ Rachel? You've got another thing coming." I turned my back on her and trekked on down the hall. I refused to listen to her, tearing Rachel down, when Rachel and I already seemed close.

I rushed through opening my locker, forgetting to bang on it twice. I tried again with success, but when I sensed somebody standing to my left, I tensed. I could see the cheerleading uniform and a blond ponytail bouncing around. The locker to my left opened and I was literally about to go ape shit on that punk cheerleader. But it wasn't her. I slammed my locker, composing an amazing badass rant about me not giving a fuck about the hierarchy of the school in my mind, but then when my eyes connected with the baby blues of the girl next to me I froze.

"Hi." The bubbly voice came from the girl and a genuine smile spread across her lips. "I'm Brittany, what's your name? Are you new? I've never seen you before."

"I'm Santana." I said smiling. Gosh she was beautiful in a ditsy sort of way. She bit her lower lip and tried to conceal another smile. "I think I've seen you in my math class, yesterday I mean."

"Yeah! Oh my gosh, we could sit next to each other today! I'm so excited!" I was happy that she was happy and for some reason she just made me smile. She wrapped her arms around me in a warm embrace and I hugged her back because I didn't know what else I could do. She let go after a minute and we closed our lockers in unison. "So I'll see you later in math Santana. Bye!" I watch her walk down the hall and I turned into the chemistry room.

I slipped into the room and went straight to the back. I sat down and opened up my new journal. I failed to look up even when I felt the position of the two-person lab table shift slightly. "You're one of those deep thinkers." I flinched, silently, but noticeably. Since when did Rachel get here? "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She said trying to control her giggles.

"You didn't." I lied. "I didn't know you were in this class with me. Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"We didn't know each other yesterday in this class. You starred out the window for all of forty minutes straight, and when Mr. Robinson called on you, you answered like it was nothing. How did you do that?" She asked.

"Skill." I said grinning.

"What about those less fortunate that you? How do we survive in this crazy world?" Rachel questioned half-heartedly.

"It's easy. You just need to know three things: How to cook Ramen, how to write a nine page paper about cows, and learn to charm the pants off of anyone." Rachel laughed out loud and the whole class turned to her, including the teacher.

"Would you care to share the joke with the class?" Mr. Robinson asked Rachel with a scowl on his face.

"Sure yeah I'll share it!" I said jumping out of my seat. I walked towards the front of the room. "Now I should warn you guys that the joke involves some mature content. Mostly dildos and oral fixation-."

"That's enough!" Mr. Robinson said clearly embarrassed. The whole class laughed along with me when they realized I was just trying to push his buttons. I could see Rachel in the back, covering her mouth and trying to contain herself in her seat. I walked back past a few students, even getting a high five from a mohawked boy, and returned to my seat next to Rachel.

"You are insane." Rachel said in a hushed voice.

"No, just stupid sometimes." I corrected. "Now I'm going to be blacklisted by this guy."

"Does that bother you?" She questioned raising an eyebrow.

"No, there are only certain people I want to impress."

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	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry I took awhile to update. Here ya go. Enjoy.**

I didn't know if it was like a thing people did around here. Was it supposed to be funny? Everyone was laughing, but it didn't look that funny to me. It seemed cruel actually. It seemed insane. Taking that cup of slush and food coloring and throwing it into someone's face? It was coldhearted.

I rushed down the hallway and caught up to Kurt who was using his right hand as a guide to find a bathroom. He tried wiping the slushy out of his eyes but I suspected it only made it worse. "Come on kid." I tugged Kurt in behind me to the science room. I grabbed as many paper towels as I could hold and ran them under some warm water. We worked together in harmony cleaning off his face and working on the stain that created a blue blob on the front of his shirt. "Why the hell did those guys do that?" I asked him once he could finally open his eyes and look at me.

"Plenty of reasons to." He said.

"What does that even mean? I think you're a good guy." Kurt smiled even though I could see he wanted to cry. I knew what that meant. It meant he was holding back everything, that it hurt him to live in his own skin. I understood him because I felt that way before. Sometimes I still do.

"If I'm a good guy then Lima isn't the type of place for _good_ guys." Kurt seemed angry; he threw the paper towels on the floor and turn away. I wondered if he was angry enough to scream, to slam the hundreds of glass beakers in this room on the floor. The only thing that I knew for certain was that Kurt wasn't angry at me. "You should get yourself out of this place."

"Why? Is there enough to be afraid of to just run?" I questioned taking a step closer to him.

"You're a mystery to me." He said shaking his head. "Is that what gives you your charm? Do people tell you that they get a certain vibe from you? I don't know it's just what I feel."

"What sort of vibe do I give off?" I questioned curiously.

"A withholding one." He said shrugging. "That's worse than just throwing it all out there. Now people will want to know who you are, but I know you won't tell them."

"How can you know for certain? Maybe I'm not hiding as much as you think I am." He began walking towards the doorway and just as I thought he was going to leave me there, he turned and smiled.

"Right and I'm not gay."

…...

"Hey there sexy lady, I'd be honored if you came over to my house later." I didn't even turn to see who it was. It was some sleazy asshole, and that's all I needed to know. I continued walking until I felt a hand lightly touch my shoulder. That was it.

I spun around, grabbing the boy's hand in the process and slamming him against the locker. I came face to face with a mohawked boy, wearing jeans and a sleeveless shirt. I'd seen him around, but I didn't quite know his name. "Jesus Christ!" He yelped in pain as I let him go. "Hey, hold on where are you going?" He wasn't giving up anytime soon, I could tell that much.

"What do you want?" I snapped.

"You." He said with a smirk. It was so blunt and unromantic that I actually let out a laugh. "Come on; don't pretend like you don't want this. What's with the violence?"

"I don't like being touched." I said simply. The truth was, it was a lot more than that, but this boy would never have to know that. He was a tanned skinned simple jock, with a simple smile, and a slightly off centered piece of fluff on his head that resembled a rat. "What the hell is that thing on your head?" I asked staring up at his hair for the twentieth time.

"You don't like it?" He questioned.

"No I loathe it." I responded. Luckily, my eyes landed on someone familiar and I knew I could just ditch this mohawked boy and run off towards Sam. "Hey Sam." I said checking over my shoulder twice to make sure the other boy had gone. I caught him staring at me from across the hallway, but he didn't pursue me any longer.

"Why were you talking to Puck?" Sam asked as he opened his locker.

"I wasn't talking to him…I mean I was, but not…like in a real conversation." Sam nodded in understanding. "Should I be worried about him?" I guess I could really ask that about everyone. No one was just one-dimensional, so there was something to fear about every single person in the world. Sometimes when I just thought about things like this I nearly lose my mind. I feel so isolated and alone.

"He's harmless." Sam said. "He's also the most popular guy in the school. It certainly seems to me that he's crushing on you or something." I rolled my eyes for multiple reasons. First off, I was not interested in him. Secondly, I could care less about popularity and all other material things. Lastly, if that Quinn girl didn't stop burning a hole in the side of my skull right this instant I was going to walk across the hallway and smack some sense into her thick head. "Look if you want to get anywhere in Lima you sorta have to be somebody."

"I'm fine with being nobody Sam." I told him earnestly. "You can be a nobody and still have somebody." He cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Come on think it over at lunch, maybe at some point you'll figure it out."

…...

The relationship with my father was strained. Sometimes we would avoid each other for days, other times we would scream at each other until one of us broke. Until one of us fell to our knees and nearly suffocated on our own tears and begged for forgiveness. Most of the time that was my father. He broke, not because he was weak, but simply because it was hard for him to see how much I'd changed.

Right now we'd been avoiding each other. No, I'd been avoiding him. It was just the fact that he hadn't come after me that made me think this was a mutual settlement. I don't know why it started, I guess it must have all been about moving here.

The problem for both of us was we didn't talk things out. You were either silent about something, which meant you were going to figure things out yourself but you for damn sure were not going to ask anyone else for help. Or you screamed. And when we screamed it meant whoever was the louder and made the least sense won.

I lifted up my window when I saw Rachel in her backyard watering some plants. She was sort of weird to me sometimes, but interesting for sure. "Hey Rachel!" I yelled. She turned around and looked left to right before out of curious desperation she looked up and spotted me.

"Oh hi Santana!" She yelled back waving. She set her water dispenser down on the ground and gingerly stepped over a poorly build fence that divided our backyards.

"Do you know some kid; he's like a jock, tan, and has this gross looking Mohawk?" I questioned.

"Oh yes, his name is Noah Puckerman, most people just call him Puck. Why did he grace you with his presence today?" He voice was seeping sarcasm which made me smirk to myself. Apparently, I wasn't the only person this _Puck_ had bothered.

"Yeah it was sort of weird actually." I replied.

"Do you want me to come up there?" I shook my head no before she even finished her thought.

"Uh…things are a little tense over here." Rachel nodded but her eyes told me something else. They sparked with curiosity and possibly anger. "I gotta go." Well it's not like I was going anywhere. Or I was going to mend things with my father. I just plopped myself down on the bare floor in my room, and wondered how much Rachel was going to assume right now. I opened the door for curiosity now. There was no way I was ever going to close it.


	6. Chapter 6

**I have no idea why I'm working on two stories at once. It makes updating very difficult. Anyway, here you guys go. Enjoy.**

"So is everything okay at home?" I didn't even notice Rachel catching up to me as I was walking out to my car. I'd been so in my head for the past three weeks that I'd barley said a word to Rachel. I felt bad, but hopefully she'd gotten the hint that sometimes I could just be strange. I unlocked my door and tossed my bag into the trunk. That's when I realized that I hadn't even answered Rachel yet, and she was standing right next to me patiently waiting. "Did something happen? You can talk to me." I knew I could talk to her, but I didn't want to talk right now.

"I'm starving, is there a good place to eat around here?" Rachel cocked her head to the side for a second, just long enough for me to regret brushing her off like this. Rachel gave me a smile even though I knew she had more questions and I had very few answers I wanted to share. "I mean I'll drive us if you want, or maybe you don't want to go?" Rachel was already walking over to the passenger's side of the car and getting in. I followed suit and started the ignition pulling out of the parking lot shortly after.

"There's this place called Eddy's. There are burgers, pizza, salad…whatever you want." Yummy, that sounded really good right now. I followed Rachel's directs to Eddy's and as soon as we arrived we went straight in. I didn't really want to leave a lot of room for Rachel to ask questions before we started eating. I tend to be an idiot on an empty stomach.

We ordered and I finally took in the scenery. There were a few kids from out school here, none I actually knew by name, but it was pretty chill in here. "Nice place, quiet which is good, and not a lot of loud mouthed jocks around."

"Are you writing a review for it?" Rachel joked and I smirked leaning back further in my seat. "So I heard Noah Puckerman might be into you." Rachel said with a wink. I rolled my eyes and wondered if she understood how much of a freak that kid was.

"No he's not into me; he wants to get in me. I'll kill myself before even the thought of being with him crosses my mind." Rachel cracked a smile but didn't laugh. "What? Is he your type or something?"

"No, he's just the most popular guy in the school. Girls literally want to kill to be with him." I shook my head and smiled. What was it with all these kids wanting to be popular? Rachel was the sweetest kid around, and she wasn't _popular_, so really it meant nothing to me. "He sleeps around though; it's sort of like his trademark."

"Charming." I deadpanned. "So were are your parents all day? I haven't seen them yet."

"They're very busy. One works at the hospital and the other at the art museum. My dad could get us free tickets there for this really interesting modernist showing. I promise I'm not as nerdy as I sound right now but it's actually really cool." I smiled for two reasons. First of all, she said all of that in one breath. Secondly, she must have forgotten my whole thing about being an artist myself.

"I'd love to go actually." She perked up and our food finally arrived. She'd ordered a salad while I got a burger and we both dug in.

"My father could also get tickets if your father wanted to go." I didn't tense up because I knew what Rachel was trying to do. She was observing me, she wanted to watch my reaction and decide for herself what was going on at home.

"Why are you so interested in my father? You got a thing for the guy or something?" It was supposed to be a joke, but it came out much harsher than I meant. Rachel set down her fork and used a napkin to dab at the corners of her mouth.

"You barely spoke to me for three weeks up until today. You can't blame me for being slightly curious." She was right, I couldn't blame her, but it didn't mean I had to like it. I tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear and glanced out the window. "Are you okay? I'm such an idiot, I'm prying too much, I'm overstepping every single boundary in the history of mankind-."

"No, it's not that." I told her keeping my eyes focused on the red Chevrolet outside. "I just get in my own head a lot. It's my problem not yours." She didn't have to understand that if she didn't want to. I was throwing her a bone; it was something for her to take in at least.

"Kurt told me you helped him out after the slushy incident. He wants to apologize for snapping at you, but he's too nervous. He's been practicing for weeks trying to figure out what to say and how to say it." I chuckled a little to myself. Rachel smiled too. I could tell that she must be close to him, more than the others.

"He doesn't have to apologize. It was messed up and he had all the right to be angry." I wouldn't even call it anger. Kurt's reaction was such a mix of fear and exhausted depression that it was impossible not to feel for him. "It sucks not being able to fight back." I guess I sort of let that slip, it was one of those things that was meant to stay inside forever, but Rachel caught it. I couldn't look at her, I didn't want to.

"What does that mean?" She questioned. "That means something, right?"

"Does it have to? You over think a lot. I just meant that it must be tough for Kurt not being able to smash one of those jocks faces in." Rachel cringed at the violent thought. I caught a wave of blonde hair and a McKinley varsity jacket flash by outside. Oh great, well at least there was about a 3% chance that it could be-.

"Hey dwarf." A frown immediately graced Rachel's face and I turned to see Quinn and Brittany walking in. Brittany was standing just a little behind Quinn, but our eyes locked and she grinned. "Mind if we join you guys?" Rachel opened her mouth to reject and so did I, but Quinn and Brittany were already sliding in to the booth next to us. Brittany sat next to Rachel and Quinn said uncomfortably close to me. "So, Santana…is that right?" She looked over to Brittany for clarification and the girl nodded with a smile. "How have you enjoyed your first month at school?" Her tone was patronizing but there was really nothing I could do but answer.

"It's been fine." I say simply. I look over at Rachel just to make sure she's alright. Brittany's braiding a strand of her hair and Rachel actually smiles, which helps me breath a little.

"Just fine? I hear that Puck is head over heels for you." Not this again.

"He's not really my type." Now everyone's eyes were on me. I shifted further away from Quinn who stole one of my fries and began chewing on it.

"What's your type then?" Quinn asked curiously. "I can hook you up with anyone in the school. Anyone you want I swear. And what's not to like about you? You've got this very mysterious thing about you that people have been talking about since you got here."

"Rachel and I were just about to leave, so you if you don't mind." I began sliding towards the end of the booth and Quinn got the hint to stand up. Quinn gave me barely enough room to reach into my pocket and pull out the money to pay for the meal. "I'll catch you later Brittany." Quinn's eyes followed Rachel and I all the way outside, I didn't even glance back once we let I was so furious.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked after we'd gotten into my car.

"She's a fucking bitch." I said covering my eyes with my left hand, as I tried to regain my composure.

"I'm surprised she didn't throw my drink in my face. That's more of what I would expect with her. She almost seemed civil Santana, that's something I've honestly never witnessed." Rachel was clearly content right now. I glanced over at her and saw the braid that Brittany had finished on Rachel's head.

"She doesn't get under your skin?" I asked.

"She does all the time, but clearly she's trying to reach out to you." Rachel explained.

"It seems patronizing." I mumbled as I put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking space. "So you want me to take you home right?" I asked once we were actually on a main street.

"Yes…where else would I go? Do you not want to go home?" Here she was again with this unhinged curiosity. She sensed something because she quickly added. "Can I come over your place? I really want to see Charlie."

"Yeah sure…if you want." I replied.

"You never answered Quinn though. About your type I mean. What is your type?" I shrugged and sped up so that I was over the speed limit.

"I don't have one." What a beautiful and tragically unmistakable lie.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hope this was a quick enough update. I'm sure you guys will have plenty of questions about what's going on with Santana after, but you'll just have to continue reading and see.**

The way she was looking into my eyes, it meant something. She hadn't stopped looking at me since we'd arrived at my house together. She said she wanted to work on homework, which was fine with me. I let her work on my bed, she said that she was jealous of it's comfort in comparison to hers. I settled down on the ground beginning some history note cards while Charlie ran around me playing with his new toy.

"You're not going to get anything done down there." Rachel informed me. I pressed my neck back against the side of the bed and looked up at her upside down.

"I'm efficient." I told her. "Plus Charlie's very helpful. He's smarter than he looks." I joked. "How's it goin up there? Need some help with that Spanish?" I can't say I didn't enjoy giving Rachel a hard time about Spanish. It was by far her worst subject and it was sort of entertaining to watch her struggle.

"No, I think I can handle it." She said stubbornly. I finished up my note cards and tossed them into my backpack. I never really understood why I even did note cards. I didn't need them; I actually didn't really need to do anything. "Hey can I see your math test, I have to make a few corrections, and I'm so confused about number 17." I nodded and reached into my bag and pulled out my math test.

"Number 17…the answer should be 14.898." I told her.

"Wait…how did you…let me see that." I pulled myself up into a standing position and walked over to the side of my bed and sat down next to her handing the test over. She took the test and furrowed her eyebrows.

"I can explain it if you want-."

"You got a 100%." I didn't know what she wanted me to say to that. It was true I did get a perfect score, but I could see from under my paper Rachel's test sat there with an 83% plastered on the front of it. "That's extremely impressive. Looks like you'll need to tutor me in two subjects."

"Rachel you got an 83 that's good." I informed her. I looked over the edge of the bed and saw Charlie trying to jump up. I scooped him up and placed him down on my lap. I began scratching his ears while Rachel sighed just about ever five seconds either over math or the fact that I did better than her on the test. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, it's just…you're gorgeous and smart, pretty difficult to understand why you don't just drop me and hang out with the popular kids." I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I stood up and walked over to a pile of unopened boxes in the corner of my room. "What's so funny? What are you doing?" I placed the top two boxes on the floor and picked up the last box and went back over to my bed. "What's in there?" She questioned as I pulled out a pocketknife and opened the box.

"Ever heard of a thing called patience?" I joked. She crossed her arms over her chest and scooted up closer to the end of the bed so she could see what I was pulling out of the box. I grabbed a sketchpad from the bottom of the box, opened it to the front page, and tossed it on the bed in front of Rachel.

"What is this?" She asked holding the sketchpad in her hands and scanning through it. "Are these comics? Is that _Charlie_?" Rachel's eyes opened in surprise as she turned the page. "You drew these? They're incredible, but why are you showing me these? It only proves how-."

"Much of a nerd I am." I said with a grin. "Look I draw comics about Captain Charlie. He saves the world, he wears a cape…I'm this giant lame nerd." Rachel continued to look at the comics and smile.

"They're amazing though. You're very talented." Rachel said quietly. I knelt on the bed and watched her look through the book some more.

"Santana." I looked towards my door to see my father standing there with a pair of chewed up shoes. Shit. I looked over at Charlie who was sitting on the bed quietly looking between my father and I. He dipped his head down and began to lie down much closer to Rachel when he saw what my father was holding. "That dog makes me start thinking about taxidermy."

"Why would you say that? It's not funny." He looked down at the ground for a second. Rachel may not have understood, but my father knew how I reacted when talking about death.

"Look just keep the dog away from my shoes." He said. "Did you offer Rachel something to eat? You know how rude that is to just-."

"We ate before we got here." I explained to him.

"Alright well, have fun." He dangled the shoes in the door for a second before walking back downstairs. God he could be so…well I don't know. It was more than just the annoying dad thing; it was so much more than that.

"So I've showed you what my lame hobby is, show me yours?" Rachel blushed and picked up Charlie giving him a kiss on the head.

"It's stupid." She said looking down at the covers on my bed and then back up at me. "Honestly, it's not a talent or anything, it's just…nothing."

"Do you think I'm going to judge you?" I questioned thoughtfully. I grabbed the sketchpad and shoved it back into the box, pushing it back down on the floor and kicking it with my foot so that it would slide over by the other boxes. "Well I'm not…you don't have to open up or whatever, not to me. I get it, it's because I'm new or whatever."

"What were your friends like back in California?" I leaned back on my bed looking away from Rachel and avoiding Charlie's kisses. "I mean were they rebellious or jocks or something?"

"They were nonexistent." At least I meant they were nonexistent when it mattered. Sometimes I thought about them, sometimes I just wished I would have isolated myself from everything. I could've done that here. It was a fresh start, right? It would have been so easy if Rachel hadn't showed up.

"What do you mean? Like you were a loner or something?" She doubted.

"I am a loner. It's a nature thing, a characteristic-."

"But you hang out with Sam and I all the time at school. I see you talking to Tina and Kurt…you helped Kurt. Are you saying you'd rather be alone?" She wondered.

"No…it's…I can't talk about it." It's not that I couldn't I just refuse to. Rachel stood up and walked over to my door, I thought she was going to leave but instead she gently closed it. "What are you doing?"

"I figured you didn't want to talk about things because you were afraid your father would hear. I just wanted to-."

"It's not allowed!" I yelled jumping off the bed and yanking the door open. "We have to keep the doors open." I ran my hands through my hair and shoved my hands into my pockets. It must have looked strange for me to freak out like that over a closed door, but if Rachel knew the whole story then she'd understand. She'd understand. Who was I kidding? If there was something to understand fully then I wouldn't be so fucked up right now. "Before you ask…it's a long story."

"I think I know why." How could she know? Did my father speak to her about it? "Were you like hooking up with a boy in your room, and now your dad wants you to keep the doors open?" I could've laughed at that. I probably should've.

"No, it's because of…it's just because of Kenzie." I know Rachel wanted to hear more, but I'd never spoken a word about Kenz, since…well since a long time ago. "Look maybe you should head out. I'll just see you at school, alright?" Rachel nodded and grabbed her books slowly placing them into her bag. She slung the bag over her shoulder and looked right into my eyes. "I shouldn't have yelled like that, I'm sure I freaked you out-."

"No, but I am worried. You're holding a lot back from me. I don't expect you to come clean about everything…honestly I'll never expect that. I just want you to open up to me; you don't have to be a loner when you have me as a friend." She gave Charlie on last pet on the head before flinging her fingers in the air with a solemn goodbye whispered from her lips.

"Santana." I looked up and caught my father standing in the doorway for the second time today. This time he wasn't wielding chewed up boots. This time he held a bottle of beer in his hand and he was sipping out of it slowly. His eyes told me that he'd just started. The bottle was half empty, so that meant as soon as Rachel left the house, my real father made an appearance. "Why'd you have the door closed?"

"It was closed for a second…it doesn't make a difference." I said tensing up.

"You know the rules; they've been the same for years. You keep the damn door open at all times." I nodded and he took another gulp of beer. "You know it's almost like you've forgotten what happened."

"How could I forget?" I screamed.

"It's been a long time San-."

"It's been 8 months! That's not a long time, not by a long shot! Look I gotta get out, with you drinking again, it's just…I'm gonna take a walk." I pulled on some shoes and threw on a thin jacket.

"When will you be back?" He asked once I'd brushed past him in the doorway.

"A few hours. Just don't worry, okay?" He didn't respond but that was alright. He was going to get drunk as all hell tonight; I just didn't need to be there to see it.

**Read and Review por favor. **


	8. Chapter 8

I skipped school today. I knew my father really didn't care because he didn't even ask me to take my temperature in front of him, he just handed me a glass of orange juice and went out the door. He left for work at eight and I stayed in bed till ten. I can't say that I was really tired, that would be an outright lie, I just didn't want to have to face anyone. Just not today.

Last night I was out walking around until one in the morning. It was very different here in Ohio, it was actually exhilarating. I could walk anywhere and it would be something new. I liked being lost; it gave me something to think about.

Being lost is good, right? Being found must be awful, because once you're found then there's no escaping who you are.

I stood up and looked out my window, not expecting to see anyone and not surprised when I didn't. I walked downstairs and reached up into the cupboard to grab a bowl. Pouring _Lucky Charms _into the bowl; I turned on the TV hoping to catch some cartoons, but then I realized that we didn't have our cable installed yet, and I turned the damn thing off.

I probably should have picked a better day to skip school. Sure I didn't want to go, but I did need something to do. I could sketch something, but how boring was that? Super boring.

Alright so the only two things crossing my mind right now were: showing up at school or eating myself into oblivion. I think I'll go with the second choice. Luckily for me, my car arrived last week, so I could just cruise around whenever I wanted to. I rushed upstairs to throw on some clothes, simple clothes. A pair of black skinny jeans and a warm oversized sweater would do, and I went into the garage.

I hated the fact that I had to manually lift up the garage door for two reasons. The first being that this meant I had to pull it down. The second being that the door was a lot heavier than a 17 year old girl should be lifting. I guess I could complain about that to my father later, but now I pulled out of the garage, leapt out of my car and yanked the garage door down. A slight feeling of accomplishment overcame me when I heard the loud thud as the door collided with the cement ground.

I drove off and headed towards that Eddy's place that Rachel took me to yesterday. About halfway through the drive I realized that my music blasting was probably not a good thing to do, because this cop car kept speeding over to the side of me and the cop sitting there did not look happy. Well it wasn't like I was blasting rap, since when was _Alanis Morissette _enough to get someone arrested?

I pulled into Eddy's parking lot and turned off my car. It was really times like this that I was happy that my father just didn't give two shits about me, because it meant that he occasionally tried to buy me off. Last week it was by getting me a credit card, that defiantly worked for me.

I walked in and was seated by a pretty redhead with a crooked looking smile. I sat down and ordered the same thing I had the previous day and waited patiently. I felt a buzz in my pocket and I pulled out my phone.

**[From Ritz]: **_You still owe like $1000 bucks, tiny Tan. Lucky for you I care otherwise, you'd be 6 ft under by now_

Ritz could go fuck himself if he thought I was going to be the one riding on his pity party expressway. I could have taken care of things myself if my dad didn't haul us away. "Who's it from?" My eyes shot up and met with dazzling hazel. Didn't this Quinn chick have somewhere else to be? I almost wish she was hear alone, so I could just tell her to take my cream soda bottle and fuck herself with it. She had Brittany and that weird Noah Puckerman kid with her.

Once again they sat down without asking permission, but at least this time Brittany sat next to me instead of Quinn. I shoved my phone back into my pocket and folding my hands on the table. "Haven't seen you at school today?" Quinn said in that patronizing and cocky tone.

"This is like a hangout for you all? The place to go for lunch?" I asked turning my head so that I could look directly into Brittany's eyes. I knew there was something about her that caught my attention, but I didn't realize it until now. Brittany looked genuine. Puck and Quinn put on a façade, which was super annoying, but Brittany was grinning at me and nodding causing her ponytail to bounce up and down; and dammit she was sincere.

"Yeah, I really like their milkshakes." She said biting her lip when she noticed Quinn and Puck smiling at her.

"So you skipped new girl?" Noah asked raising his eyebrows.

"At what point is that _new kid _thing going to boil over?" I questioned back, getting a smirk from the boy. Sure he looked confident, but I'd bet not many girls have ever talked back to him. "I needed a day off." I added so that it wouldn't seem like I was completely blowing him off.

"That's pretty bad ass." I was particularly taken aback by that, not because it came from teenage Golden Girl's mouth, but because that was just about the funniest thing I'd ever heard. "You'll start to get a reputation."

"Fine with me." I said shrugging. "A little weird to hear a Christian girl curse like that, but whatever." Quinn's eyes met mine and she was defiantly glaring at this point. The redheaded waitress brought my food over and asked the Quinn, Noah, and Brittany what they wanted. Noah and Quinn ordered a pizza to split but Brittany took a little longer to figure things out.

"I don't know if I want pop or fries with my milkshake." _Pop?_ I looked over at the girl in surprise.

"Pop? What's that?" As soon as it came out of my mouth, I immediately wanted to punch myself in the face. Everyone, including the waitress shot me a confused expression. I should have just shut up, I mean I hated when all the attention was on me.

"Wait, I don't get it. If you've never had pop then why is it sitting right in front of you?" Brittany questioned cocking her head to the side.

"You mean soda? I forgot that's what you guys called it." At least everyone nodded and laughed, which didn't make me feel like that much of an idiot or outsider like I thought it would. I looked down at my plate, and realized I hadn't even touched my fries. "Get your _pop_ with your milkshake, you can have my fries." I offered anticipating the grin that was to brighten up Brittany's face.

"Ok, yay! I'll have a chocolate milkshake and root beer." Brittany ordered and the menus were collected. My burger was still hot when the other's food arrived and we all began eating.

"Enjoying the milkshake?" I asked Brittany who scooted closer to me. She scooped up some of the milkshake and held the spoon out for me to taste. I did, and damn was that good. "So am I missing anything good at school?" I asked gaining a light chuckle from Quinn.

"Yeah, you missed that hobbit friend of yours get slushied." Noah and Quinn were laughing, but once they realized that I wasn't they slowed down. Rachel had gotten on of those icy desserts splashed into her face? "Don't look so pissed, she's fine." I bit the inside of my cheek until I bled and then I took a long drink out of my cream soda bottle. I wasn't pissed, I just felt really guilty.

"Do you want company on your little day off? I can come over your place." As if I'd ever take him up of that offer. He was such a pig.

"She's not a cheerleader Puck; you're going to have to try a little harder to get into her pants." Quinn said nudging the boy in his gut. I didn't understand exactly what she meant though. Quinn and Brittany were cheerleaders, so did that mean that they'd both had a thing with this guy? "Plus I think she's into Sam."

"What?" I squeaked staring at Quinn like she was insane. "Why on earth would you even begin to think that?"

"He's a hottie and I always see you guys together. I mean it's cute that you have a thing for blonds." Okay so I didn't know whether she was flirting with me or trying to indicate that there was something between Brittany and me, but either way I was super uncomfortable now.

"I don't like him." Quinn didn't look convinced. "I mean he's charming and he's got a funny looking mouth, but I'd rather just stay friends with him." I explained.

"So there's a chance for me." Puck said fist pumping in the air.

"No, no there's not." I denied. "Look I'm actually headed out somewhere." Brittany got up to allow me room to stand. I waved the waitress over and handed her my credit card to pay for everyone's meal, but I told her to hurry because I was late for something. I let Brittany sit back down while I waited for the waitress to return with my credit card.

"Meeting someone?" Quinn said as if she knew something I didn't.

I received my credit card back, and I smiled thanking the waitress. I looked over at Quinn who looked impatient, which was a look that worked well for her. "Yeah…sure." They could think whatever they wanted, and now that I thought about it, Quinn wasn't really that far off.


	9. Chapter 9

**I guess I got carried away on this chapter, because it's a little longer than the others. Anyway I hope you enjoy it. Read and Review please.**

I may have misjudged the amount of time I had. I swear that I had every intention of going home and getting a change of clothes for Rachel, and sneaking them to her at school, but I didn't. I could think of a million reasons why, but naming them just made me feel so selfish. I know Rachel would have done the same for me, so why couldn't I just get over myself and help her out?

That was beside the point now. Actually it had been beside the point for the past few minutes because there Rachel was, holding my homework in one hand and a large sealed bowl with chicken noodle soup in the other. I let her in as she went straight for the kitchen and put the bowl in the refrigerator. She'd been talking the whole time and I figured now was as good a time as any to actually start listening.

"…So if you have any questions about the chemistry or math I can help you." I took the papers from her and scanned over the material for myself.

"You didn't actually have to do this, you know?" I said as I grabbed a chair for Rachel and one for myself. She took a seat and I placed the papers down on the table next to me.

"You don't look very sick." She said as she fiddled with her thumbs and stared down at her hands.

"I know, but that's only because I skipped today." I didn't like the look that Rachel was giving me. It seemed like she'd lost a lot of respect for me in that moment. I wanted her to respect me at least. "I wouldn't have though…not if I knew what was going to happen to you." I couldn't help the way my hand clenched the table until my knuckles felt like they were going to split in two. I was furious about what had happened, it wasn't right or fair for Rachel.

"How'd you hear about that?" She questioned shyly. "It happens so often that it almost doesn't bother me much anymore-."

"Quinn told me." I interrupted. "I went to that Eddy's place and Quinn was there with Noah and Brittany. I didn't like hearing that from Quinn, not with that little smug grin on her face." I explained and Rachel nodded in understanding. "Who did it?" I questioned.

"It was Quinn." I figured as much when I was sitting at the table with that bitch earlier. It was something about the way she smiled when she said what happened. There was really nothing I could do by way of settling my anger. I slammed my fist down on the table and stood up from my chair. "You shouldn't be so angry, it might have been Quinn today, but it'll be someone else tomorrow. I've accepted that this is the way things are."

"I can't accept that." I informed her. "Give me your phone." She hesitated for a second before pulling it out of her pocket. I would have commented on the strangeness of having a pocket in a skirt, but I was too busy putting my number in Rachel's phone. "Look if something like that ever happens again, just call me, alright?" Rachel nodded and I handed her back the phone.

"I still don't understand why you skipped today though." Rachel said as I tried to usher her out of my house. My father would be home soon, and if he saw Rachel here he wouldn't be happy. "Why are you pushing me away?" She finally said turning and facing me with her hands on her hips.

"Come upstairs." I told her when I heard my father's car in the driveway. She opened up her mouth to protest but I grabbed her hand and pulled her up the stairs with me. We went into my room and I closed the door halfway. That was a signal to my father that I didn't want to be bothered.

"Why are you so freaked out by your father?" Rachel questioned.

"I'm not…he doesn't scare me…there are just things he doesn't understand. A lot of things." I couldn't have been vaguer, but it was more than I had told her before.

"So there's no one out there who understands those _things_?" Rachel questioned.

"Kenzie understands, I mean did. She _did_." I corrected myself. I walked over to the corner of my room and picked up a box of clothes. "Is that art show still tonight? I mean do you still want me to go with you-."

"Of course, and I promise you don't have to get dressed up. It's modern art not Picasso." I nodded and pulled out a decent looking button up, and tossed it on my chair. The black jeans I was wearing now would just have to do. "I actually very excited about it, do you know anything about modern art?" Rachel asked.

"A little, what sort of modern are we talking…like cubism, realism…or modern day?" I questioned as I checked the box to see how many clothes were actually in there. I really needed to put my mind to it and fully unpack one day.

"Modern day I suppose." Rachel said cheerfully. "Hey maybe it'll be you they'll be featuring one day in an exhibit. That would just be the coolest thing." Rachel said hopefully.

"That would be pretty cool huh?" I said with a smile.

"Oh I almost forgot, Mr. Cocheran gave me the movie that you guys were watching in English…it's the Shakespeare Companies adaptation of _Othello_. I guess you guys have already started the movie she said you were at-."

"Act I scene III twenty-two minutes and thirty-seven seconds in." Rachel looked at me like I was a psychopath. Sometimes, with the way my brain works, I sort of think I am. I didn't mean to say all that out loud and make Rachel think I was some sort of freak.

"How on earth did you remember that?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"I asked Kurt, somehow he knew down to the second." I lied giving a slight shrug and hoping that Rachel wouldn't notice. Kurt wasn't even in my English class and if he was, I'm positive the heterosexual love presented in _Othello _would bore him to death.

"So I'm going to head over to my place and get changed, if you decide to come over earlier then my dad will make a plate for you." That was very sweet of her to offer, but I had to use this time to convince my dad to let me go.

"I might just take you up on that." I said with a smile. I walked Rachel to the front door and waved goodbye to her before I tried to rush back upstairs, to avoid my father's curiosity.

"I didn't know you had company over." He said walking over closer to me. I took a seat on the steps so that there was no way we could stand face to face. I didn't want to get into it with him, especially because I could tell he had a rough day at work. "You and that Rachel girl are good friends?"

"Yeah she's cool." I said plainly. "She just came over to give me homework, and she even brought soup."

"Alright I'm not saying that anything is wrong. I would just prefer it if you only had people over when I'm home." I nodded realizing that two thing. He was probably right and that I really should ask him about this art thing before he gets drunk.

"So Rachel and her dad got tickets to this modern art show, they invited me and I was wondering-."

"You know you don't have to ask for things like that. If it's not a party and there's supervision it's alright with me. Do you want me to cook before you go?" He asked.

"No…that soup sounds really good just about now."

…

After I ate that damn delicious soup that Rachel had made I went up to my room to change. I put on the button up, wondering if this flannel was going to be too hipster, but I shrugged it off. I still had about thirty minutes until I actually had to go over to Rachel's house so I sat down on my bed and stared at my ceiling for awhile.

I finally stood up and looked out my back window, hoping to catch a glimpse of movement; in all honestly I just wanted to see a bird, so I could make a sketch or something before I left. Instead I caught a glimpse of Rachel, she was moving around in her room fixing her hair and getting ready to peal off her sweatshirt. I quickly turned away and pulled down my blinds, I didn't even realize Rachel's room was right in my viewpoint until now.

That had the potential to be very awkward. I mean if I continue looking for one more second then…well I would've seen a lot more of Rachel than I anticipated.

I grabbed my phone and shoved it into my pocket as I ran down the steps, two at a time, and went out the door. I decided against walking on the Berry's grass, because I didn't know how serious they were about keeping it looking that nice. I walked up to their front door and rang the doorbell.

I can't say that I would've expected a black man, about six feet tall and wearing a button up shirt tucked, to answer the door. I didn't even know who the man was supposed to be. I mean did they have like a butler or something? Wait, was this her dad? Sure I'd noticed that Rachel had very plump lips and her butt wasn't exactly that of a white girl's, but I didn't know she was half black. Not that I'm racist, I mean hello, I'm a Latina, but I was shocked that's all.

"Hi." I said smiling as Mr. Berry stepped aside and welcomed me in.

"Hi there Santana." His voice was slightly deeper than I expected, but nonetheless it was very cheerful. "Rachel, you're guest is here, we don't want to keep her waiting." He yelled up towards the stairs. "She just takes the longest time; she's sort of a perfectionist." He explained and I nodded thinking back to the time when Rachel took forty minutes to fix a crooked sign in the gym. "So Rachel has told me that you're sort of an artist yourself, she actually hasn't stopped talking about it for awhile." I smiled a little feeling a bit more confident about myself.

"I draw comics it's not that big of a deal." I said turning to the stairs when I hear the gentle _clacking _of heels. "Jesus Christ." I muttered to myself as Rachel descended the steps wearing a fairly tight black dress and matching black heels. It was a modest outfit, at the Grammy's it wouldn't be considered showy, but in comparison to Mr. Berry and me, it was pretty impressive. "I thought this wasn't a dressy thing Rachel." I taunted and attacked sarcastically.

"It's not, Rachel just likes attention." Mr. Berry said earning a light chuckle from Rachel.

"I see." We got into the car without further protest about Rachel upstaging us, but I could tell that Mr. Berry was used to this side of Rachel. The drive to the gallery was pleasant after about ten questions from Mr. Berry I could tell that Rachel told him not to ask about my father.

We arrived and the place was crowded. Mr. Berry had a few people to talk to, apparently there would be some pieces sold and he was in charge of that. That left Rachel in charge of me really. She showed me around pointing this way and that way, explaining who painted what and how much it would cost. It was great to see that she was so into what her father did for a living.

"And this pumpkin is by-."

"Naoto Hattori." I answered for her. She spun on her heels and faced me.

"How'd you know that?" She questioned with a grin.

"I just know a lot of random little things." I told her. In truth, I knew more than a lot of random little things. People at my old school used to call me _Brains_ that was until they found out other things about me and got a little more creative.

"So my dads would love to have you over for dinner soon."

"Dads?" I questioned cocking my head to the side.

"Yes my fathers." She replied.

"Wait why are you putting an 's' on the end of dad and father. Is that an Ohio thing?" It must be some weird thing they say. I mean it's not like she meant she had two dads.

"No, Santana…I have two fathers." I guess that's sort of where the night turned bad.


	10. Chapter 10

Rachel's father went inside. We didn't really have to tell him to, he just knew. After the show Rachel and I barely spoke, the car ride home was silent and I guess he figured we had to talk about something. I guess we really did have to talk, I just didn't know how to start. Luckily Rachel started for me.

"So you have a problem with my dads." It was more of a statement than anything. I looked up at Rachel and shook my head no. She didn't get it. This wasn't really about him, or her other dad, this is about me.

"No I think your dad is great. He's the coolest; I bet your other dad is just as awesome-."

"Well then what is it? After I told you about them you just shut down. I'm your friend, but I can't be friend with a homophobe." I was hurt that she could ever think that about me. I pressed my back against the Berry car and crossed my arms over my chest. "Look we're nice people; just because they're gay that doesn't change them as people." Couldn't she see that I didn't care about that stuff? She was trying to convince me that they weren't some taboo family, but that's not what was on my mind.

"I just said I think your family is great." I repeated. I don't know why my voice sounded so small right now. Maybe it was because I was put in this position. I had to defend my moral standards.

"Well then what freaked you out so much?" Rachel questioned putting her hands on her hips. This was her fault for pushing me. She should have just shut up and let it go.

"I'm not freaked out! I'm fucking jealous okay!" I couldn't be in here. Not in this garage, there wasn't enough space and there were too many things that I could hit. Including Rachel. I walked outside out into their driveway and shoved my hands into my pockets. That was the only way I could think of protecting Rachel from my anger.

"What do you mean?" She questioned, placing her hand gently on my shoulder. I brushed her off and moved further away.

"Can you please leave me alone?" If I actually wanted her to leave me alone I could've just walked inside my house. Right now that was the last place I wanted to be. After spending time with Mr. Berry, looking at my father would be miserable.

"Why would you be jealous?"

"You've got two dads, and I barely fucking have one." I said bitterly. I sighed loudly and looked up at the stars. Life could sometimes be so wretched. "I'm not going back home…could we just stay out here for awhile?" Rachel nodded. We walked over to her front porch and sat down side by side. We didn't speak for awhile, but I noticed the Goosebumps on Rachel's shoulder. I unbuttoned my shirt, thankful that I had a tank top on under, and I pulled the shirt around her shoulder.

"I didn't want to ask before but…where's your mother?" I let out another sigh and then I looked up at the sky again. I hoped to someone that she wasn't looking down on me. She'd be sorely disappointed at the way I turned out.

"She's dead." I said holding my breath after. My heart began racing, I knew talking about it would bring back too many memories. Too much pain. "I can't talk about it…no one told me that someone dying would hurt like this. I didn't think…I'm sorry. I just can't say anymore."

"I'm really sorry about your mother." Rachel said placing her hand gentle on my knee. I flinched at the contact; no one really touched me like that for awhile. "Do you want to stay over here? Just for the night? I'll send my father over to talk to yours. He's great at convincing people, that's how he got those people to buy most of the art today."

"He won't care where I am." I assured her.

"Santana, I'm sure he will. I mean he's all over you about keeping your door open, I think he'll want to know where you are." I wish she knew more about me.

"He's drunk Rachel. He's fucking wasted out of his mind right now." I hissed. I can't remember a time when I wasn't bitter and depressed. The thing that really bothered me was the way Rachel looked down at the ground. I could tell what she was thinking. She was trying to put herself in my shoes. She didn't have to do that, she had a perfect life, changing that would be hell. "He said he'd change once we got here. Can't say I believed him but disappoint like this makes life feel pretty worthless."

"Have you changed? Since you left California I mean." I swallowed trying to clear up the dryness in my throat. It wasn't working.

"No…I'm still the fucked up kid-."

"Why do you do that?" Rachel cut me off.

"Do what, Rachel?"

"I think you're amazing, but the things that you say…they're so dark." I shrugged and looked away from her. She should honestly be a detective when she's older.

"I have more problems than you know Rachel." I told her honestly. I kicked a rock as far as I could from my seated position and watched as it landed in the grass. It was dark outside, the only light emanating from Rachel's house and my living room. "Surprised I haven't turned to drugs yet." God that joke was morbid. I stood up and thought about taking a walk like I had last night.

"Where are you going?" Rachel asked grabbing onto my wrist.

"Thanks for the great night Rachel. Tell your dad thanks as well. I just need to walk around. Clear my head." Rachel didn't look happy but she didn't protest either. "See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Santana."

…...

I stayed out way too late last night. I got lost in my thoughts and some of my dying dreams. That's why I was stifling a yawn while Mrs. Corcoran handed out our essays that we'd turned in last week. Class would be over in two minutes, so it's not like she was going to start another lesson before then. A paper was placed face down on my desk and I quickly shoved it into my backpack without even looking at the grade.

"I'll see you delinquents tomorrow." Mrs. Corcoran joked as the bell rang. "Santana, would you please stay after." I froze in my seat as everyone rushed out of the classroom. I stood up slowly once we were the only two left in the room. My backpack hung limp in my hand, and suddenly that four page paper seemed to weigh down the entire bag.

The paper must have been bad. It must have been really bad for her to hold me after class. "How bad was it?" I'd rather her just say it. I'd rather her give me a preview of how much I'm going to be beating myself up over this tonight.

"Santana." She said standing up as well, only she was behind her desk, wielding a small smile. "You received a 100%." I stared at her waiting for the punch line. That was still good right? I'd never heard of a school where 100% could be bad.

"So what did I do wrong?" I questioned after a long silence.

"Let me tell you something Santana. Every single student in this classroom wrote about racism in _Othello_. They thought that the portrayal of Othello was racist and proved how African-Americans are perceived as negative in most stories. You didn't." I didn't know if I was supposed to be proud of that or what. "I was very impressed by your paper. I exemplified extreme understanding of the play."

"Thank you." Was I going to get a cookie or something?

"Can I see your book?" She questioned. I shrugged and opened up my backpack and pulled out the book, handing it over to her. She turned through all the pages and let a little _humph _escape her lips. Was their something wrong with the copy of the book? "See now that's interesting."

"What's interesting?" I questioned eyeing her curiously.

"You didn't annotate at all. This is weird considering in that in class essay you quoted from the book writing down act, scene, page and line numbers exactly." I didn't understand where she was going with this. She placed the book down on her desk and reached into the top drawer for a piece of paper. She picked up a pen and began writing something down on the paper. It took her awhile to write everything down, I didn't even know what she was writing actually. "Take a look at this." She held up the paper. It had like a million numbers written on it. The numbers were split up into rows and columns, but the numbers ranged from 0.897 to 43.0987123. Almost as quickly as she had the piece of paper up she dropped it down on her desk where I couldn't see it.

"What was that? Is this math class now too?" I got her to laugh but she still didn't drop that look of intensity in her eyes.

"Row 17 column 3, what was the number there?" Was this a game?

"No one could remember what number was there." I told her. I was getting sort of tired of this and she was cutting into my lunch time. "This is stupid." Why was I getting so flustered? Should I just answer the question?

"If this is stupid then just tell me that you can't do it." Yeah let me go ahead and do that. The real problem is that I could. And I could do it easily.

"13.7651009872." I recited from my memory.

"Row 13 column 18." She challenged.

"41.908726310." I responded.

"Eidetic memory." She exclaimed with a huge grin. I didn't exactly like that she was looking at me like I was in a clown suit, but I was glad she was happy. "This is rare; I've never seen such extreme photographic memory."

"It would be awesome if you kept this on the down low. I don't really want to advertise my freak ability." I explained to her.

"Well talk about this more Santana, it's something that is truly fascinating, but I won't tell anyone. You're secrets safe with me." That was the moment when I knew I could trust Mrs. Corcoran.

…

"Hi Santana." I wasn't really thrown off by the blond ditz sitting down at the lunch table next to me, but I was caught off guard by the stiffness in her movements. She looked rehearsed and it was strange.

"Hey Brittany…um you alright? You don't look yourself." She plastered on a fake smile and glanced at the palm of her hand.

"I'm fine Santana. I was wondering if you'd like to party with the Puckster and hazel-eyed bombshell tonight." I could see that there was black ink on the hand, and it was blatantly obvious that Puck had told Brittany what to say.

"Are you asking me or is Puck?" I looked across the cafeteria and caught Quinn and Puck attempting not to look obvious. They might as well have had some binoculars because I knew they were watching.

"Is this a riddle?" I glanced over at Rachel and Sam who tried to control their laughter.

"No, tell them I'll go to their stupid party." Brittany clapped her hands and squealed.

"I'm so excited! This is going to be so much fun!" She grabbed her tray of food and rushed over to tell Puck and Quinn the good news.

"Tell us how it goes Santana. May the force be with you." Sam said giving me a salute.

"What are you talking about? Aren't you guys gonna come with me?" I questioned looking between Rachel and Sam.

"But we weren't invited." Rachel rationalized.

"If you guys don't go I won't have any fun." I told them. "So I'll pick you both up at 8-."

"No wait I want to show off my truck." I'd seen Sam's truck and it was beyond shitty, but whatever he could do his thing.

"Fine, Rachel…be ready by 8. If you overdress this time, I'm gonna make you wear flannel." Rachel tossed a cherry tomato across the table and it hit me right on the nose. "See you then."


	11. Chapter 11

**Read and Review please.**

. Berry let me in the house just as he flew out. He was practically itching to run to his car. Apparently the other Mr. Berry was coming back from Africa, where he'd be doing AIDS treatments for newborns. I couldn't believe how perfect these people were, it was almost too much to handle.

I walked inside and stood at the bottom of the stairs, listening to see if I could hear movement upstairs. "Rachel!" I yelled. A pause, muffled footsteps, creaking of a door, more footsteps. "Look if you're going to work on that fashionably late thing-." Rachel appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing a spaghetti-strap sun dress. The flowers on the dress were purple, a pasty pink, and dark blue. She wore a short fitted leather jacket to cover her shoulders and arms.

"Sorry, this time I'm actually trying to hurry." Rachel said as she skipped down the stairs. "Okay so whose car are we taking? I'm not sure if a blue Honda will look _badass _enough for your taste. I smirked but defiantly agreed. Hearing Rachel curse was funny and very becoming, she smiled at me when I paused to look at her dress again.

"We'll take my car…I'd offer to take my motorcycle, but can't do that if you're wearing a dress." Rachel blushed even more when she realized what kind of free show she'd be giving if she had a dress on while riding a motorcycle. Rachel locked up her house and followed me over to my car. I was about to get into the driver's seat when I noticed a worried expression on Rachel's face.

"How much are you going to drink tonight?" Oh I see, she wanted to make sure she'd have a sober ride home. That was smart, but unnecessary. I don't drink; well at least I don't anymore. I guess it's because I'd rather kill myself then end up like my father. Coming home and drowning myself in my misery. There's too much misery in my life to drown out with booze.

"None, I promise." I assured her. The look that she gave me made her seem uncertain, but she got into the car anyway. "Look, if you don't believe me-."

"No I believe you; I just think it's really awesome of you to do that." Rachel said with a grin.

"Well awesome is my middle name." I joked.

"Gah, you're such a geek!"

…

"Hi Santana!" I spun around and caught a glimpse of Brittany before she was suddenly gone. What was she _Flash_? God dammit, I cannot believe I just referenced a superhero, I've been hanging out with Sam way too much.

"Where the hell did she just go?" I questioned turning to Sam. He spun in a circle and shrugged. I looked around the room, spotting Puck and Quinn chatting, but still no Brittany. I didn't realize that there were this many _popular _kids at school, let alone this many kids. I tried to find Rachel, just to make sure she was alright, but I had to be honest with myself. She was short, and there was no way in hell I was going to see her over this 6'7 basketball players.

"Here comes trouble. Double, double toil and trouble." I would have smacked him for quoting _Macbeth_ at a high school party, but I also sort of appreciated his Shakespeare knowledge. I didn't have to look up to know that Puck and Quinn were walking over, it's not like they hadn't been looking at me the whole night.

"Sam you're the best." I said high fiving him for his reference.

"Hey baby girl-." Puck started.

"Let's get one thing straight, I'm not your baby girl." I informed Puck because clearly he was confused about the matter. "But hi to you two." Quinn smiled and for once I didn't feel threatened at all by it. Then again that probably had something to do with the fact that she wasn't wearing her Cheerios uniform. Instead she had on a skin tight short skirt and a loose shirt that hung low in the front and showed off her bare back.

"I didn't think you were going to show, well at least not with Sam and the dwarf." I wondered if Quinn just sat at home coming up with names to call Rachel or it was a collective effort of the whole cheerleading squad.

"Brittany is very persuasive; when I talk to her I don't actually want to punch her in the face." I explained to Quinn who downed a shot before looking at me again.

"Did you hear that Puck? I think someone just called us over." Sam made up grabbing Puck by the front of his shirt and pulling him away, towards the other side of the room. They actually didn't have to go, there was no way things were going to get ugly between Quinn and I, I didn't want the drama.

"What's your problem with me?" Quinn questioned. I didn't actually want to answer, but she was stepping so close to me, that if I didn't say anything I was going to have to shove her back.

"You slushied Rachel, you try and dominate everyone around you, and you're only trying to befriend me so you can control me. But hey no complaints here." Quinn smiled ran her finger down to my hip. "What do you want? Seriously, why'd you even invite me?" The thickness in the air between us could have been cut with a knife. I took a step back and luckily Brittany skipped over and wrapped her arms around my neck embracing me into a warm and very drunk hug.

"I saw you earlier but I didn't want to make Sam jealous by hugging you in front of him." Brittany rationalized with her arm still slung tightly around my waist. "You look so cool right now." No I looked normal. Wearing skinny jeans, that were riding low because I'd forgotten a damn belt, and black tank top.

"No Brittany, you look amazing." And I wasn't kidding. She was wearing his short, tight, sparkling green dress, with her hair let down. Her eyes looked so vivid, accented by the color of her dress and the frame of her face.

"So Santana have you danced yet? I could show you a few moves if you want." Quinn said staring me down when she realized I was paying more attention to Brittany than her.

"Don't worry; I've got moves of my own." I said with a sly grin.

"Dude get the fuck off of her!" There was a crash and then a loud thud. I knew the commotion was coming from the kitchen and that's where I darted to. It didn't take long for me to realize what was going on. Some jock had put his hands on Rachel, and Sam was trying to fight him off.

I didn't have to think about what I was going to do next, it all just came naturally. I pulled Sam back and slammed my fist into the larger jock's skull. The second time I hit him, I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop myself. "Get this crazy bitch off me!" How dare he! What gives him the right to touch anyone like that, let alone Rachel?

I felt toned arms wrap around my waist, and with a forceful tug Sam and I went barreling back and slamming into a counter. I thought about lunging at the jock again, but he was in tears, and tears were one thing I just could not stand. "Jesus Santana…" Sam said spinning me around and facing me. He had his hands on both of my arms, but he was looking directly into my eyes. "You kicked that dudes ass!" He was looking for a high five, but we both looked down at my bleeding knuckles and our eyes widened.

"Wow…I should probably go clean this up…wow." I can't say I was surprised about the damage I'd done to the jock. I'm just astonished that I was able to stop myself; usually it takes a lot more than one blonde-haired geek to pull me off someone. I walked past Sam, and headed upstairs for the bathroom. Everyone jumped out of my way as I walked through the crowded room. I was like Quinn, a violent psycho version of Quinn.

I opened the door with my elbow, and wondered how angry people would get if I bloodied up a few towels. I didn't have time to contemplate the use of toilet paper as towels, because Rachel was standing in front of the sink, covering her face with her hands, and sobbing ferociously.

"Rachel?" I touched her shoulder and she spun around whacking my hand out of the way in the process. She looked terrified and angry at the same time. I took a step back and thought about leaving her alone to cool off, but before I could step outside and had her hands wrapped around my body, and I knew she wasn't going to let go anytime soon.

…

Rachel didn't tell me what happened last night. I guess she didn't have to. I saw a scratch on the outside of her thigh, so I figured that jock got too touchy and aggressive. Good thing Sam was there though, if he didn't say anything I couldn't have kicked that guy's ass.

The thing I didn't understand was why Rachel had gotten so sloppy drunk last night. I mean, when I told her it was time to leave, I had to basically carry her out to my car. I even slept over her place, to make sure she didn't stumble around her house and fall down the stairs.

I slept on her floor, and ate the rest of her good cereal as payback. "Good morning sunshine." Rachel said grinning from ear to ear. I looked at her like she was crazy. She must be one of the lucky people who can withstand a massive hangover.

"Hey there Jackie Daniels." I said laughing along with Rachel.

"I wasn't that bad." Rachel replied plopping down on the seat next to me. "Plus, if we're giving accounts on damage done, you sent Paul Reynolds to the hospital."

"He deserved it." I said trying to avoid the subject.

"Do you want to call your father?" Rachel questioned sensing the tension. One testy subject to another.

"No." I said simply. "Maybe I should head out-."

"You don't want to stay?" I cracked my knuckles, one by one. Slowly getting the kinks out of my battered and dried blood stained hands.

"No I do, I just-." My phone vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out to read a text.

**[from Ritz]: **_Hey guess who's back in town? I didn't think they'd let out big brother that soon…_

I closed my phone and shoved it back into my pocket. I was pissed but happy I was a thousand miles away from there now. I don't think I could stand facing my brother ever again, not after what he did. "Who was that?"

"No one." I lied.

"Is it someone from California?" Rachel questioned scooting her chair closer to mine.

"Someone who I thought I could trust…it doesn't matter now. Things just happened too quickly for anyone to stop anything." I stood up and put my bowl in Rachel's dishwasher and I returned the cereal to the top of her cupboard.

"Anything I can do?" She asked sincerely.

"Just stay out of it." I sounded so brutally harsh, but I meant it. "It's just, I trust you, and because of that I worry how much I'll end up giving away." She furrowed her eyebrows. "If you knew everything about me…you'd hate me."


	12. Chapter 12

"Santana, come downstairs! We have guests!" Guest with an 's', I knew I was in for it. Rachel would have told me if her and her dads were going to make a guest appearance today, so I knew it wasn't them. I grabbed Charlie, for moral support, and walked downstairs slowly. It's not like I was expecting Quinn to be standing there, with her equally blond and put together parents. I guess that's why the look of shock on my face stayed plastered there until my father cleared his throat.

"Santana, these are the Fabray's. It's only been a few weeks so I don't know how well you know their daughter-."

"We've met on more than one occasion." I informed everyone, keeping a keen eye on Quinn. She was standing just behind her father, but far enough ahead for me to see a smirk on her face. I assumed that someone was going to explain why they were here on a Sunday morning when I could have been upstairs in my room sketching.

"Oh who's that little fella? Or is it a lady?" This was the first thing I heard out of Mrs. Fabray's mouth. Her voice was more commanding than I expected, but that didn't make me overlook the worry lines across her face. Sure she had her hair put up in a nice little bun, and her nails were painted a vibrant red, but her eyes lacked all clarity, and misery was boiling just below the surface.

"He's a boy, his name is Charlie." I told them. I thought about dropping Charlie to the ground and seeing if he remembered how to bite people at their ankles so they would fall to the ground, but I thought better of it.

"The Fabray's actually came over to talk to us about joining a local congregation. It's a nice small town Christian church." My father explained with a smile. It took everything inside me not to just roll my eyes. Obviously my father had lost it. He'd really bought into some shitty notion that this new town meant we could forget everything that happened. Did he really believe that we could just reinvent ourselves? Furthermore, did he actually think we could do that through God?

"Is this like a door to door thing?" I questioned smugly. "Just wondering if you paid the Berry's a visit." Mr. Fabray looked to his wife first before turning his attention back to my father. Clearly there was resentment between him and the Berry's otherwise he would have just answered clearly.

"They're a little funny, don't really associate with the likes of them." What Mr. Fabray meant was he didn't like them because they were gay. Can't say I was surprised though, a lot of ignorance spews from the church.

"Why don't you girls go upstairs, while we discuss." My father offered, much to the dismay of Charlie and me. I agreed because I'd much rather be in my own territory than listening to some Jesus talk. Quinn followed behind me up the stairs, and when we walked into my room she didn't even hesitate to sit down on my bed.

"You don't seem to be too happy about our parents discussing church." Quinn said mindlessly twirling her loose strands of hair around her finger. I ignored her and grabbed some of the sketches I was working on before and tossing them onto my desk.

"We're not exactly religious, and if I wanted some uptight picture perfect family to come over and tell me how to live I would've called sooner." Quinn choked back a laugh and watched me hang up a pair of pants. "Also, it'd be awesome if you didn't sit over there and pretend like you're some little miss perfect princess, I can see through all your bullshit."

"Why do I bother you so much?" She questioned curiously.

"Because you're full of it." I told her honestly.

"I do what I have to do to stay on top. Appearances are sort of important in my family if you haven't noticed." That's when things between Quinn and I changed. It didn't change by much, I still saw her as a spoiled rich brat, but now it was different. Now I could see that she had to be a certain way for her parents and it wasn't all just about her popularity. "Which is why it's so hard for me to understand why you don't like me. Whether you intended to or not, you've basically become the most talked about kid at school-."

"That's because people will believe any stupid rumor that's-."

"No, it's because you put a kid in the hospital to protect stubbles. I don't actually understand why you're friends with her anyway." I didn't have to explain shit to her. I sat down on the corner of my bed feeling the strain in my shoulders still from sleeping on Rachel's floor yesterday. Rachel owed me.

"Like my choice of company is so awful, you hang out with Noah Puckerman, he's a tool." Quinn cracked a smile.

"I think he's pretty funny, and to be fair you've only seen this much of him because he thinks you and I are going to be friends, and he's been gunning for your attention since day one." I rolled my eyes at the thought. Puck needed to back off because it was never going to happen. "So what do you think of Brittany, if you tell me you have problems with her then I'll have to smack you." It was a lousy empty threat but it did make me smile.

The thought of Brittany just makes me smile sometimes. I don't know what it is really, I just know that I could never get mad at her, which means I'll never be able to hurt her.

"No, I think she's awesome-."

"Isn't she? She's honestly the best person to be friends with, she keeps everyone sane." Quinn said all in one breath. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I wondered if it was Ritz. I pulled it out and found a text from Rachel.

**[From Rachel]: **Am I seeing things or are the Fabray's over your house?

I quickly replied.

**[To Rachel]: **Nope, your eyes work fine. They should be gone soon; I'll come over once they're gone.

Quinn got off my bed and tried to peer over my shoulder to see who I was texting. "It's just Rachel." I informed her and she sighed. "Look, how long do you think it's going to take for your parents to convert my dad? I was in the middle of something."

"Something like what?" I walked over to my desk and picked up the portrait of Charlie that I was currently working on. I thought my comics were decent, but my real life portraits were much more enjoyable to me. I held it up for Quinn to see and she gasped. "That's incredible! No way you drew that." I shrugged my shoulders, but inside I was bursting with pride.

"I could draw you if you want." I said smiling. She was a bitch but that never stopped me from noticing her features. From her hazel eyes right down to her perfectly shaped nose. She was the most popular girl in school and there was no reason she shouldn't be.

"Sure." Quinn replied. I reached into my desk draw and pulled out my sketch book. I grabbed one of my thick leaded pencils and opened to a fresh page. Suddenly she started getting self conscious. She had this slight habit of dipping her head down and pulling her hair behind her ear.

"Here…" I reached my hand out and pushed her hair out of her face with my pinky. "Don't look so jumpy, just relax." There was something about my memory that made drawing so simple. In reality I could've draw Quinn by memory after the first day I'd seen her flash by in the cafeteria. My hands moved swiftly and I found it pretty relaxing just to get back to one of my old passions.

"You work really fast." Was it me or had Quinn gotten impossibly close to me. I looked up at her through my messy hair and eye lashes. Her hand had fallen to my thigh and I felt her fingers move gentle tracing circles on the fabric of my pants. "You must really well with your hands." I opened my mouth to say something but Quinn's lips were hovering close to mine. She was going to kiss me, and I was too shocked to even push her away. Her tongue darted out of her mouth and glazed over her bottom lip to moisten it.

"Quinn! We're ready to go." Our eyes connected but she pulled back.

"Gotta go." She said standing up. I stood up too and dropped my sketch pad on my bed and followed her out into the hallway.

"So this never happened?" I questioned smiling.

"What makes you think that I even care?" Quinn said spinning around and facing me.

"Cause you've got a lot more to lose than I do princess." I educated her. I reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Don't worry; your lezzy secret is safe with me." And with that I had a leg up on Quinn Fabray and there was nothing she could do to stop me.

…

"What's up Rachel?" I asked opening my bedroom door all the way and welcoming her in. She walked in happily wearing one of those short skirts that she must have some weird affinity for and a reindeer sweater.

"How's Quinn?" Rachel said with an annoyed tone.

"She's a bitch." Rachel giggled and sat down on my bed. "Actually her whole family seems like a pain. And what the hell is with the animosity between Mr. Fabray and your parents?" I questioned.

"He's a homophobe…you don't exactly find a lot of open minded people here in Lima." I don't even know why I asked, I could've guessed that myself. "What's this?" Rachel picked up my sketchbook that was conveniently opened to the page where Quinn's face had been hastily but unmistakably drawn out. "Is this Quinn?"

"Is that rhetoric? Because I didn't think my drawing was that far off."

"I meant…why on earth did you draw her?" Wait was Rachel mad? It's not like I really wanted Quinn over, and I only did this because I was bored.

"I was bored." I told her honestly. "Look it's a shitty drawing away…I'll draw you if you really want-." She shook her head no.

"Actually, it's late and we have school tomorrow. I think I should go." She didn't give me time to protest. She just left me with a feeling of confusion and wonder.


	13. Chapter 13

**Read and Review Please.**

What was with me getting stiffed by everyone? I should be a little more specific actually; I was getting stiffed by Quinn and Rachel. Quinn I didn't actually give two shits about, she clearly just wanted to use me, and that was not about to happen. Rachel, though, I cared about. I offered to take her to school this morning, and she just shook her head and said that she'd much rather drive by herself.

What exactly did I do to upset her? Was it because I did some stupid drawing of Quinn Fabray? Since when did things even get this complicated? Here was the problem, I knew it flat out; I had gotten too attached to Rachel Berry. Next to Rachel, Sam was the only other person that I had a real friendship with, but that was more of a bromance. Bromance? Is that the right way of putting it? I guess it would just have to do for now. The thing was, girls were different. It didn't matter whether you were friends with girls or not, the interactions were always the same. Warm. Bitchy. Sweet. Aggressive.

Girls were a never ending cycle of insanity.

I yanked open my locker because after a month I found out that it never really locked properly and I tossed my books inside. I saw Rachel approaching from down the hallway so I reached into my backpack and pulled out my sketchbook. "Hey Rachel, can I show you something?"

"Sure." She said nonchalantly. I noticed that she held her books tensely in her arms.

"Here, I drew something for you." I gently tore out the sketch of Rachel that I'd done this morning in the library. I handed the drawing to Rachel and she took it from me eagerly. She looked at it with awe in her eyes. "Like it?" Before I knew it Rachel's arms were wrapped around my body, engulfing me into a bone crushing hug. "I'll take that as a yes." I said as she let me go.

"This is so amazing, I can't believe you made me look so beautiful. I owe you, let's go out to lunch, I'll buy." That was a deal I could agree on.

"Oh lunch sounds good." I turned around and caught Quinn sauntering over with Brittany right behind her. "Were you going to invite Brittany and me?" I slammed my locked closed and watched as Quinn stood there wearing an unaltered sneer on her face.

"Didn't think you guys would want to come." I responded.

"Oh sorry I didn't realize this was some sort of _date_." Quinn said in that bitchy tone of hers. "What's this?" Quinn snatched my drawing out of Rachel's hands. "Wow this is really good, the nose was a little modest though, it's much larger in person." Rachel looked down at the ground and for a second she fought back tears. I wasn't just going to stand here and take this from Quinn.

"Fuck off Quinn, you're just jealous because Rachel has something unique about her and she's not just a fucking Barbie doll like you." I grabbed the paper from Quinn and handed it back to Rachel who was either fighting back a blush or one of her signature grins, but either way it made me smile too. "So do you want to head out Rachel?" Quinn cleared her throat and I shot her an annoyed glare.

"Brittany's been talking about going out to lunch with you all day Santana, if you don't want to go it's fine, she'll probably just cry to me later on." I looked behind Quinn at Brittany who genuinely looked sad that I didn't want to go with them.

"No need for the guilt trip." I said.

"It's fine if they want to join us." I looked over at Rachel like she'd lost it. Didn't she see that I was trying to make a point with them? Quinn had probably never been rejected in her life and now seemed like a quality time to start.

"Great, I'll drive everyone." Quinn offered. "Oh shoot sorry Rachel, but we don't have a booster seat-."

"Alright enough with the jokes, we'll meet you out there in a second." I waited for Quinn and Brittany to get out of earshot before I turned and glared at Rachel.

"What?"

"What the hell is your problem? Why are we going out to lunch with them?" I took Rachel's books out of her hand and shoved them into my backpack so I could carry both of our things out to Quinn's car.

"Kill Quinn with kindness, that's how my father taught me to handle people like her." I slouched and continued slumming outside.

"Why can't we just kill her?" I muttered.

…

"So what made Paul Reynolds go all crazy over you?" Quinn asked as she reached down to her plate and picked up a stray slice of pepperoni that fell off her pizza. She tossed the pepperoni into her mouth and looked across the table towards Rachel. I was acutely aware that this seating arrangement was the same as the first time Rachel and I had come here and Brittany and Quinn interrupted.

"He was drunk Quinnie." Brittany said. I laughed at the nickname and Quinn nudged me with her foot under the table.

"So what? Paul is like a Saint normally, totally a carrier of his v-card." Quinn responded. "If he was going to go after anyone it should have been you Britt, seeing as you've literally slept with everyone at school." It was a playful jab, not a hurtful one. It didn't surprise me to find out that Brittany slept around a lot; she was attractive and always had a smile on her face, it'd be impossible to resist.

"Wow Brittany, you must get around." I said laughing. "What about you Princess? Wouldn't be surprised if you did too." After Quinn tried to kiss me yesterday, which by the way was fucking weird, I realized that she'd opened herself up for me to push all of her buttons.

"Are you calling me a slut?" Quinn questioned turning slightly in her seat so I couldn't escape her gaze.

"I guess I am." It was an attack on her but she didn't flinch, instead she smiled.

"You wish." She whispered so only I could hear.

"Brittany don't you ever get worried about getting pregnant?" Rachel asked.

"No not really…plus I prefer fucking girls anyway." I let out a laugh at how blunt she was but Rachel was blushing like crazy.

"You're not a virgin are you Santana?" Quinn asked reaching over and stealing my soda. I didn't know how to take that question. Was she calling me a slut?

"I'm not answering that." I said brushing her off. Quinn's hand trailed down to the inside of my thigh where she squeezed gently.

"Why not?" She asked innocently.

"Probably because it's none of your business Quinn. It's a private matter, and if Santana wishes to adhere to her private matters in that way then you should respect that." I looked over at Rachel and gave her a warm smile.

"Only you would say nothing like that. I'm asking Santana because I think there's a possibility of someone actually being interested in her. Unlike you who I'm sure will stay a virgin for as long as the majority of the population isn't blind." Total bitch. "San, I have a trivia question for you."

"Sure go ahead." I could see it in Rachel's eyes that she wanted me to stay civil. That dumb kill her with kindness thing was about to drive me insane. I hated that I couldn't knock Quinn out, or keep her hand from moving any further up my thigh. Every time I reached down and pushed her away she moved her hand back, it was exhausting.

"If you could sleep with anyone at this table who would you sleep with?" I could feel everyone's eyes on me and that's when I knew that there was no way in hell that I was going to answer that.

"I'm not answering that." I told her.

"Why not? It's just a stupid question." Quinn said looking over at Rachel and smiling like the cocky bitch that she was.

"Fine, then I'd fuck myself, can't help it if I'm a dime in bed." Rachel and Brittany erupted into fits of laughter, but Quinn just slid her hand further up my thigh until the only place she could go was-. "Quinn!" I pushed her hand away and slid further into the booth.

"So Rach, do you want to come over later? My dad's out with your dad at some medical conference for like two days or something." I knew it was incredibly rude to ask someone to do something in front of others without inviting them, I guess that's why I did it.

"Sure." Rachel said sheepishly.

"Quinnie can we skip cheer practice tonight? My neck has been killing me." Brittany said with a pout.

"Your neck? Do you mind if I take a look?" I practically shoved Quinn out of the seat so I could go over to check on Brittany. Even at a somewhat unorthodox angle I could tell that Brittany had some knots in her shoulders. I cracked my knuckles and quickly, but efficiently worked on hands onto Brittany's shoulders and neck and massaged out all the knots.

"Oh my god, are your hands like magic?" Brittany asked once I had finished.

"Yeah sure." I said sliding back into the booth next to Quinn.

"You should really consider becoming a masseuse." Rachel suggested. I gagged at the idea. I didn't want to get paid to touch people's backs, especially if they were gross people.

"Yeah Santana, people would be dying for a happy ending with you." Quinn had built up at this tension between us. Sooner or later it was just going to erupt, I just hoped when it did, I wouldn't actually give in to her.

**Review Please. **


	14. Chapter 14

"I swear I told you that I had a bike." I told Rachel as I took my rag and cleaned off the spoke on one of my wheels.

"When you said bike I assumed you meant something that normal kids have, not a motor bike." Oh I guess I didn't really think about that. I took a seat on my old skateboard and slid close to my bike, examining a small tint in the body of my bike. In comparison to some of the other motorcycles I've seen mine was modest. It wasn't some giant _Harley_, it was just a _Nightster_, one person but sometimes I used it for two.

"Right, well here is my _motor bike_." I grinned and readjusted my flat cap, turning it around on my head. "Look at you eager beaver over there." I joked with Rachel as she wrapped her hand around the handle of my bike.

"I am not eager…I actually think it's rather dangerous. I hope you have a helmet and the proper protective gear for your body." I ran the back of my hand over my face to get a drop of sweat off my skin. It was really warm for a fall day in Ohio, but I wasn't complaining. The best part about this was that I could really get my hands dirty. It took the moving company the longest to ship my bike because some paper work was lost, and it'd just come in last night.

"Whatever Rachel, I'll give you a ride if you want." I offered as I grabbed the hose and sprayed my wheels off. "Also I totally know you secretly want to. Everyone wants to feel the thrill of this; maybe you just don't know it yet." I grabbed a clean towel and began to dry off my bike.

"Wow there were rumors about this, but I didn't think it was actually true." I looked at Rachel cocking my head a little to the side.

"What do you mean?" I asked bewildered.

"There's just been some talk, mostly since you cracked Paul Reynolds's face open…but people are saying you've gotten to be somewhat _cocky_." I bit my bottom lip and looked out towards the street. I don't know why but I wanted to make sure there was no one around. "It's not like they think it's a bad thing, we just aren't used to girls dressing like you do or even getting so much attention." I grabbed the bottom of my tank top and pulled it up towards my face to wipe off the sweat.

"Great so basically people think I'm an asshole." I reiterated with a sarcastic smile.

"No they think it's hot." Rachel said flushing beet red.

"Jesus, do you think I should just hook up with someone at that school so people will stop wondering so much?" I was clearly joking but Rachel's eyes glinted with curiosity and wonder.

"Who did you have in mind?" She questioned with a nervous laugh.

"Rachel I was joking, there's not one damn person in that school that I would ever even think of hooking up with." I dumped out the half filled bucket of water and chucked the used rags in the bucket. I returned the bucket to my garage and admired my bike for a moment before returning my attention to Rachel.

"There's no one?" She questioned seeming shocked at the thought.

"There's one." I told her truthfully. "Well what about you? You've lived in Ohio all your life; you must find someone attractive, right?"

"There is one person." She said shyly.

"So you've got a crush?" I questioned with a frown.

"Do you?" She replied back in response to me saying that I would hook up with one person at McKinley.

"It's more of an infatuation actually. It's only a crush if I have a chance, which I don't." I said sadly.

"So you don't actually seem put off by the thought of hooking up with someone. You're not a virgin are you?" I was sort of taken aback. Wasn't Rachel the one who said this was a private matter? I slung my leg over my motorcycle and hopped on, just to see how it felt.

"No…far from it." I told her peering over my shoulder to see her facial expression. "It's okay if you think I'm a slut, I'm not, but you can think whatever, I don't care." Only I did care. I was no slut, but I was no stranger to sex. It was my past anyway; I could leave that behind if I want to.

"Santana, I see you've got your bike out, taking it for a spin?" I turned around and saw my father holding some mail in his hand and opening the screen door to come outside.

"Maybe later." I replied glancing over at Rachel who rolled her eyes. Clearly she was completely against taking a spin on my bike; I bet I could change that.

"Hi Rachel, how are you doing?" My father asked trying his best to be friendly even though I know he just wanted to go back inside and relax.

"I'm doing well Mr. Lopez, a little nervous for this math test Santana and I have tomorrow." Oh yeah that was right we did have a math test.

"Well if you need help studying Santana could sure help you out, she's great at math…I'll see you girls later." My father swung open the screen door and went back inside. I look over at Rachel who seemed to have a slight pout on her face.

"What's wrong?" I question taking off my hat and putting it on Rachel's head. I could see her frown from under the cap and I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Why do you get to be so good at everything?" I scuffed holding back a laugh.

"Rachel…" I swung my leg over my bike and hopped off. "If you need help with math I'll help you." She shrugged but smiled a little. "By the way that hat makes you look adorable."

…

I'd stayed up way too late last night. It wasn't like I was doing much, just a lot of thinking. Ritz had been texting me a lot lately and I wondered if I should actually reply one of these days. Back home he was my friend, one of my best friends actually, but now he was just another thing I was forced to leave behind.

"Earth to Santana…_ground control to major Tom_." I looked up and smiled at Sam, only he could reference David Bowie in the middle of a high school cafeteria to snap me out of a trance.

"Oh sorry…" I said reaching towards my plate and grabbing two fries and tossing them into my mouth.

"You've been looking sort of tired all week. Have you been getting enough sleep? Do you need a sleep coach?" Sam and I started laughing at Rachel's ridiculous question, but Brittany, who'd been joining our table for a week, just looked confused.

"What are you going to do, cheer me on while I battle dragons in my dreams?" I joked and Rachel did not look amused.

"No silly, sleep coaches cuddle with you so you'll relax while you sleep." Brittany clarified in her own little way.

"Oh my god Kenzie that is not what they do!" At that moment I didn't realize what I'd done. It came out so naturally, that the looks of confusion from everyone just didn't faze me. And then I figured it out, I'd called Brittany Kenzie, and I didn't even know I had.

"Who's Kenzie?" Brittany questioned cocking her head to the side.

"Sorry I didn't mean to call you…" I stood up in a clumsy and very rash hurry. I nearly knocked over a jock as I rushed out of the lunch room. I knew if I started thinking about this too much then I would need a release, one probably coming through violence. This time I wasn't going to hurt someone, but I did know what I could do. "Quinn!" Luckily I found the blonde standing at her locker berating some freshmen Cheerios.

"Oh hi Santana." Quinn said pushing one of the girls to the side so that I could stand right in front of her. I looked to the three other girls around us and cleared my throat. "Would you losers scram!" They jumped, nearly out of their shoes, and rushed down the hallway away from us. "I didn't know you wanted to be alone." Quinn said grabbing my wrist and pulling me closer to her.

"Can I borrow your clothes?" I asked loosening my hand from her grip.

"The one's I'm wearing?" She questioned with a cheeky grin.

"I'm literally going to punch you if-…can I borrow your gym clothes?"

"Fine, fine…" She turned and opened her locker pulling out a duffle bag and grabbing a t-shirt and shorts. "What do you need them for you don't even have gym today?" I took the clothes from her hands.

"Nothing." I lied.

"You owe me one!" She shouted down the hallway as I headed towards the locker room to change.

…

There wasn't one specific thing that made Brittany remind me so much of Kenzie. It was sometimes Brittany's innocence that got to me. The way she believed in unicorns and leprechauns, and doubted all the evils in the world. Then again it could be the gracefulness of Brittany. I'd seen her dance a few times, and it was just breathtaking. Mostly I guess it was her eyes, I could never look away from them when we were talking. They reminded me of Kenzie's, the mischievousness of them, the way they brightened and darkened with her mood.

I stepped out onto the soccer field and rolled out the soccer ball towards the goal. I took two steps and slammed the soccer ball into the back of the net. It felt good to be back in my element. I hated played since I'd left California, but it was like riding a bike I'd never forget. I ran towards the goal and picked up the ball out of the white net. I spun and twisted, kicking the ball between my legs and balancing it between control and shakiness, towards midfield. I turned and dripping the soccer ball towards the top of the box and kicked the ball harder bending it into the goal.

Brittany and Kenzie. I guess I could think of plenty of differences too. Kenzie would never become a cheerleader, never. She would also never be friends with that bitch Quinn Fabray. Kenzie could also be super obnoxious sometimes, she was so loud and open and free…until one day that just all stopped.

"Shit." I muttered to myself when the ball I had kicked from the circle at midfield bent so far it hit the post and ricochet off and came flying back towards me. I charged the ball and slammed it into the goal. I was sweating so badly now that I just pulled off Quinn's shirt, it's not like there was anyone out here to see me anyway.

I, of course, can think of the most significant way that Kenzie is different from Brittany. Kenzie's dead. She didn't die, she's just dead. That's the way I've always thought of it. That's the way I had to think of it, so I wouldn't feel like an awful human being. If I thought about the truth, that Kenzie is in a coma that she'll never wake up from, stuck on life support in California, under the custody of the state because I couldn't save her; then I'd never be able to live with myself.

"I didn't know you played." The voice startled me and caused me to kick the soccer ball into the top post on the goal. I ran up to the ball and kicked it in before walking slowly towards Rachel.

"I just do it for fun." I told her.

"Today it doesn't look like fun…it looks like you're angry." She was damn right about that. I nodded and ran my hand through my tight ponytail. "Why'd you call Brittany Kenzie? She must remind you of her."

"She's too much like her." I glanced over at the soccer ball just lying there in the goal. "Look I'm sorry for acting like a freak every time I'm around you."

"You're just passionate…that's a rare thing here in Lima, Ohio." I smiled and so did she. I dangled Quinn's shirt in front of me and I reached out to grab it suddenly feeling self conscious about my body. "Don't think I'm weird or anything, but have you ever thought about modeling?" I began laughing as I wrapped my sweaty arm around Rachel's waist as we began walking back towards the school.

"Not a chance, have you?"

"Okay now you're just going for flattery." Rachel said nudging me with her elbow.

"I know…is it working?" The great thing about Rachel was that she didn't remind me of anyone back home. She was refreshing and amazing, and I hoped that for once I didn't scare someone away, because the truth was I needed Rachel and as I was going to find out soon, Rachel needed me too.


	15. Chapter 15

**Okay so apparently a lot of people want some QuinnxSantana. I'm not opposed to some interactions between the two, so here you go. Once again, though, pezberry is endgame as always. To the reviewer who wanted a storyline for Rachel, here you go as well. Enjoy.**

"It was so boring; honestly I can't believe they made us listen to that shit." Rachel chucked my pillow at my face and jumped on my bed next to me. "You don't get how much I hate assemblies like that." I grabbed my pencil and scribbled down some notes in my journal.

"You're just upset because you were all sweaty and had to wait until after school to shower." She had a point there. After my little impromptu soccer session Principle Figgins called for an emergency assembly to talk about drinking. "Are we actually doing homework right now?" Rachel asked with an audible sigh.

"It's not like we'll end up doing it tomorrow during our free period or something." I reminded Rachel of the one time we'd actually attempted to do our homework during a free period. We didn't get one thing done, except laughing in the library and earning ourselves a serious scolding from the librarian.

Rachel's pouting was becoming almost unbearable. Clearly homework was the last thing on her mind right now. "Do you want to watch a movie?" I asked earning a huge grin from Rachel. I reached under my bed and pulled out my laptop. "Alright we're gonna watch _Bridesmaids_, but after we have to finish our homework." Rachel nodded and grinned like a three year old.

"Yes mommy." We both laughed and I put in the DVD from my nightstand.

"Have you ever seen this movie?" I asked her after I turned out the lights and placed the laptop on my lap. I had to scoot close to Rachel to make sure she could see the screen.

"My fathers don't even let me see PG-13 films…well unless they're musicals." I cracked a smile but I was not shocked.

"That's cute." I said turning up the volume slightly on the movie. "You don't meet too many innocent girls in the world today. It's refreshing."

"Refreshing? I'm not a beverage." _Although I'm sure some would like to taste you_. What the hell was going on in my mind? I really needed a break.

"Knock, knock…wait is this like movie night?" It couldn't be who I thought it was. There was just no way. Let me just start listening reasons why it couldn't be that person. First off, this was my house and it was 8:53 in the afternoon. Secondly, this person would never just show up at my house unannounced. Lastly, there was just no way, unless pigs were outside flying and hell had frozen over, that Quinn Fabray would be standing in my doorway right now.

"Why the fuck are you here?" I took the laptop of my lap and put it on the foot of my bed. I jumped up and flicked on my lights. Quinn stood there out of uniform and wearing a white sundress with a smug grin on her face.

"Sorry I didn't realize you were _busy_." She looked over my shoulder at Rachel who had moved to the side of my bed with her legs over the end. "Hi there dwarf." Quinn said waving to Rachel.

"Her name is Rachel." I told her stepping further into her vision so she wouldn't be glaring at Rachel. "And once again, why are you here?" Quinn locked eyes with me bit her bottom lip.

"You owe me a favor." Quinn said innocently. "I figured now was a good time to cash it in." I looked back at Rachel and forced a smile. I pressed my hand against Quinn's stomach and pushed her back towards the hallway.

"What do you want?" I whispered pulling my door so that it was halfway closed. I could still see Rachel peeking out through the crack but that didn't bother me. The thing that bothered me was Quinn, why was she here again? I hoped she was going to tell me at some point.

"I would like _you_ to kiss _me_." I cracked a smile and began chuckling. She could not be serious.

"No seriously, what do you want? Money?" Quinn stepped closer to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. I had nowhere to put my hands so I let them rest on her hips.

"Feel lucky that I didn't just ask you to fuck me." My breath hitched a little. So maybe Quinn wasn't awful to look at, but she was still a total bitch. The thing was, she did not look like she was going to leave anytime soon. I slid my hands to her back and then further down. Before I knew it my hands were on Quinn's bare ass, it was kind of wild to think that she'd be wearing a thong.

"You are such a slut." I told her smacking her butt. She pulled me in closer and pressed her lips to mine. She forced her tongue into my mouth and bit down on my bottom lip. Something about the way she kissed made her a lot sexier than I thought. I pulled back first and looked into Quinn's darkened hazel orbs. "Is that all you wanted?" I questioned catching my breath.

"You'll be back for more." Quinn said running her thumb over my top lip.

"I don't think so closet case." Quinn looked offended for a second before her smug smile returned.

"I'll see you tomorrow; bring my clothes to me then." I'd completely forgotten about giving those clothes back. Shit. I was going to have to wash them. Quinn took a peek into my room towards Rachel. "See you at school midget, hopefully Santana will grown a brain someday and avoid hanging out with you-."

"Get out of my house Quinn." I grabbed her wrist and nudged her along towards the stairs.

"Aren't you going to walk me to the door?" Quinn questioned.

"I'm sure you know where it is, just don't let it hit you on the way out." Rachel stifled a laugh as I sent Quinn on her way. "Sorry about that Rach."

"What did she want?" I thought about being truthful, but that would only cause more problems. I didn't like Quinn but I didn't have to out her that was just cruel.

"She was just bitching about her clothes." I lied. "So back to the movie?"

…

"So is this about me being a freak again?" I asked Mrs. Corcoran as she urged me to sit down across from her in her office. The brunette teacher smiled and sat down herself.

"No…and let me remind you that you have a special gift, you are no freak." Well if this wasn't about that memory thing, then what was this about? "This is actually about one of your friends." I cocked my head to the side. One of my friends? Shit, was Sam in trouble? Were his impressions distracting kids from getting work done?

"Okay here's the thing you have to know about Sam he's-."

"No, not Sam. Rachel." I leaned in closer as if she was going to repeat what she said. She didn't but I sort of sat there baffled.

"Rachel? She hasn't done anything wrong has she?" Mr. Corcoran shook her head no and smiled. "Then what is it?"

"Look this is not an appropriate conversation to have between a teacher and a student, but it needs to be had." I could safely say that I had no idea where this was going.

"Just tell me, if there's something wrong with Rachel I want to know so I can help her."

"Have you met her fathers?" I looked down at the desk in front of me. Was this like some homophobic intervention or something? Was this the school's way of saying that they didn't approve of a student having two fathers?

"They're good people. Do you have a problem with them?" I questioned. "Look if this is about them being gay, then get over it-."

"I'm Rachel's mother!" I stood up and took a step back. My eyes widened and I took in shallow breaths. She wasn't serious, was she? This wasn't happening, this was a dream. "Calm down-."

"No! I'm not going to calm down! Why the hell would you even tell me that?" Mrs. Corcoran stood up and tried to walk around her desk and towards me. "Wait! Just stay there…I don't understand why you told me this. What am I supposed to do about that?"

"I told you because you're the only person I've seen Rachel open up to for years." I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. So had she just been teaching at this place just to get to Rachel? Had she been watching her for years, searching for the right moment to tell Rachel that she was her daughter?

"She never even told me about this whole thing. I assumed she was adopted or something, were you like a surrogate or something?" She didn't have the right to be taken aback by my question, not after she'd gone and revealed this information to me.

"I gave up Rachel because I was too young to take care of her…but I'm old enough now-." I waved my hand to cut her off.

"To what? You're not trying to get her back or something, because she's happy-." This time she cut me off.

"I know she is, but it's hard to see her every day and know that she's my blood. Just understand that." I put my hands into my pockets and returned to the seat in front of Mrs. Corcoran's desk.

"So what do I do?" I questioned.

"I just want her to open up to the thought of having a mother…that's all." For a moment I saw my mother in Mrs. Corcoran. The sadness the longing in her eyes broke me for a second.

"Alright…I guess I can…I could do that." I offered.

"Thank you, thank you so much." She exclaimed.

"Just on one condition." She nodded in agreement before I even made the suggestion. "Can you help me understand this memory thing of mine? I thought it was just something weird…but now I sort of think I might be interesting in knowing more about it."

…

"Did you get in trouble?" I looked over at Rachel and raised an eyebrow.

"Clearly you think very highly of me." I mumbled sarcastically.

"You know I do…you were just in Mrs. Corcoran's office, I thought something happened." Actually something did happen. I found out that Mrs. Corcoran is your mother Rachel, no big deal.

"Oh it was just about some stupid paper." I said dodging a bullet there.

"Hey Sani!" I turned around fuming from being called that ridiculous nickname. Of course Quinn was standing behind me holding her gym bag. "Do you have my clothes?" Shit I cannot believe I forgot.

"I'm sorry; I'll have them by tomorrow." I told the blonde.

"By tomorrow won't be good enough. What do you suppose I do now? Go to gym naked?" I chuckled and so did Rachel. "What are you laughing at freak?" Quinn snipped at Rachel.

"You going to give fifth period a free show? Should I bring popcorn?" I joked with Quinn.

"I'm sure you'd love to see that Sani." I rolled my eyes and tried to walk past Quinn but she grabbed my hand. "Look it's fine, I'll steal clothes from a freshman, but…"

"But what?" I asked unfazed.

"The cheer squad is having a fundraiser-."

"Okay I get it, how much do you want? I've got forty on me-." I started but Quinn stopped me.

"No, you can't give me money now, that's no fun. Just come to the school parking lot on Saturday." Quinn told me.

"For what?" I asked but she just walked away without another word. "One day I'm going to punch that chick."

"And get suspended?" Rachel questioned as she nudged me in the stomach. "Actually that might be worth it."

"It totally would be."

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	16. Chapter 16

**Alright guys I know it's sort of like a 50/50 split between those who sort of like the little bit of Quinn and Santana and those who need Pezberry now. Next chapter the Pezberry really begins so don't worry about that. **

"Hey Puck." The boy looked around at his jock friends with a huge cocky grin on his face. I rolled my eyes but let him have his moment of glory. "Shows over, beat it!" The jocks glanced to Puck for a second before slowly walking away.

"What do you need from the Puckster my little Latina bombshell?" I 100% resented the little nickname, but I didn't bother retaliating. Obviously I wasn't here to have an intelligent conversation about morality; I actually needed something from this idiot.

"Look I need to get some smokes, alright? I don't care about quality, just tell me where there's a place where the owner doesn't ask for I.D." Puck looked around the hallway to make sure no one was within earshot.

"Wait are you looking for pot or cigs?" He questioned quietly.

"Just cigarettes man, I'm not into that weed shit." He leaned his back against the lockers and smiled.

"Tony's Liquor Store, they don't care for I.D. I gotta say though, this is pretty hot-." I nudged him in the side hard.

"Save it, I'm really not interested." I informed him. "But thanks for the name." I waved goodbye to him and debated walking down the hallway backwards because the thought of him checking out my ass the whole way grossed me out pretty badly.

"Uh why were you talking to Noah Puckerman?" Rachel questioned as she walked in stride with me. If I told her the truth Rachel would have defiantly told my dad, so I did what comes naturally, I lied.

"I was just telling him to back the fuck off me before I ripped off his junk." Rachel cracked a smile and so did I. That lie I just told was going to be a truth if I ever caught him checking me out again. "So what's that fundraiser thing Quinn was talking about? Is it like annual or something?" I asked.

"It's a car wash." Typical slutty thing to do. Classic cheerleaders, I thought to myself. "Sucks that she's basically dragging you into it."

"Sucks that you're going with me." Rachel grabbed my arm and forced me to a halt.

"Excuse me! At what point did we reach a mutual agreement about me going with you?" Rachel was so rational it was always amusing.

"We didn't, but you have to go with me. Please." I pleaded hoping for a positive answer.

"Fine, then you can buy me breakfast." I pondered for a moment as we walked upstairs to the library. We both had projects in separate classes and needed to get some books for research.

"Doesn't it bother you that breakfast insinuates something?" Rachel reached up and grabbed a book. She looked over her shoulder at me with a confused expression.

"What does it insinuate? That I'm a morning person?" She was so naïve sometimes that I'd just automatically assume she was joking.

"No…okay I can't even tell you because I don't want to destroy your innocence." Didn't she know that if two people got breakfast on a Saturday morning then it meant that they had been up all Friday night, in 98% of the cases having sex?

"I'm not that innocent." Says the girl who had to cover her eyes during the _Bridesmaids_ sex scenes and who still flinches every time I drop an f-bomb.

"You can't lie to me." I told her as I flipped through a book and put it back on the shelf.

"But you can lie to me?" She questioned with a perfectly arched eyebrow.

"Precisely."

…

Tony's wasn't such a bad place. I was expecting really sketchy but it was fine. I got my cigarettes and got out of there. Rushing back home to relieve my tension. When I was like 11 I discovered the relaxation I found through cigarettes, and I've really never stopped sense.

The good thing about this house is that the ledge outside my window is big enough for me to lie down on. I lifted my window up and slid through it, getting hit by the cold fall air. Jeez maybe I should wear a coat? I looked back in my room and shrugged, if I got to cold I could always go back in and get it.

I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and lit up. After six months the burning sensation that filled my throat and lungs was a beautiful and warm wake up call. I exhaled upwards looking up at the smoke above my head. I took another long drag and closed my eyes for a second, just to feel the smoke filling my lungs again, burning my insides, and then a second later I exhaled.

When I heard a garage door open I thought for a second that it was my father. Then I remembered he'd gotten home early today, and had been drinking since five. It was the Berry's, I couldn't see them from in their garage, but after about six minutes I glanced over and saw Rachel walk into her room.

What was she wearing? It sort of looked like something Natalie Portman wore in _Black Swan_. Hold on a second, did that mean that Rachel was like a ballerina or something? I scooted further towards the Berry's house so I could peer further into Rachel's room. I could hear music playing and Rachel slowly spinning and gracefully jumping. She must be practicing something she'd just learned.

Why hadn't Rachel told me she was a dancer? It's not like I would've made fun of her for being passionate about something, actually I would have been jealous. And who knew she'd be that good. After about three minutes of watched her dance I leaned back against my house and starred off into my backyard. At what point to people grow out of that phase when they want a playground? Because I totally think I'm still stuck there.

"Santana! What on earth are you doing up there?" I turned and looked to see Rachel glaring at me from her window. She had it halfway open and she was wearing a worried expression. "Is that a cigarette? Are you smoking?"

"Chill Rach, I'm just cooling off." I put out my first cigarette and flicked it off the roof and into the grass. Just as quickly as I discarded the first, I had a second in my mouth being lit.

"Would you just get down from there?" Rachel commanded. I smirked and stood up suddenly I spun around on the small ledge on my left foot and then hooped twice. "Santana! What are you doing? Stop it!" I stood dangerously close on the edge holding out my arms and felling the wind, wondering if in one strong gust I would just fall, two stories to my death.

"Don't worry, if I wanted to kill myself I would've." I took a drag of my cigarette and sat back down, swinging my feet over the ledge. I looked over at Rachel who continued to lean further out her window to get a closer look at me.

"Do you need me to come over there? Are you high?" She really thought I was up here to kill myself didn't she? If I wanted to do that, I'd do it in a different way than this. Jumping off a building is too theatrical; I would never want something like that.

"I'm just bored I swear, smoking just relaxes me." I told her.

"Go back inside; you're just making me nervous." I couldn't say no to that. I didn't want to, so I stood up and climbed back into my room.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Nine o'clock." I didn't look to see if Rachel heard me. I didn't think to tell her to close her blinds. I didn't even feel bad watching her undress, she was so beautiful, that I didn't even care.

…

"Why do I feel like I'm hungover?" I asked Rachel as I pressed my forehead to her screen door. Rachel chuckled and pushed the door open against my weight, forcing me to step back as she walked outside. It was eight-thirty and I was half awake and Rachel was grinning from ear to ear.

"You look dashing." She joked admiring my sleeveless rocker t-shirt and black skinny jeans. Well at least I wasn't wearing a skirt, knee high socks, and a horse sweater. "So are we taking your car to the carwash?"

"No my motorcycle." The footsteps behind me halted and I turned around to face an unamused Rachel.

"I'll tell you what, I'm going to take my car and you take your bike, and we'll meet there." I figured Rachel wouldn't be up to riding with me anyway, so this compromise was alright. I went over to my garage and fired the engine up to my bike and I rode over to Rachel's house so that we could leave at the same time. She rolled down her passenger's side window. "You'd better wear a helmet." She warned me.

"I think I'm gonna risk it." Rachel tried to protest more, but I sped off towards the school before she could even say anything. I cut off about three minutes from when I usually drive there which was quite impressive. I pulled into the parking lot seeing that a lot of the jocks were watching the cheerleaders wash their cars. I drove over towards where I spotted Quinn and Brittany.

"No way! You have a motorcycle? That's so cool!" Brittany said running over and touching the chrome finish on my bike.

"Now that's impressive." Quinn said as I parked my bike and got off. "You like to be the center of attention?" Quinn asked.

"No I think I'll leave that to you." Most of the girls were wearing McKinley High red t-shirts and short shorts, but Quinn, she was wearing a white shirt. She clearly was hoping for a lot of attention.

A lot of boys were standing by the fence watching the girls holding cups of lemonade in their hands. I saw Rachel pull up and park, giving a cheerleader specific directions on how to wash her car properly. Those directions were probably going to be ignored.

"Hey Rachel!" I yelled waving my hand for her to see. She gladly walked over towards me and smiled. "What took you so long? Were you driving like three miles per hour?"

"Oh ha ha. You were speeding, and you weren't even wearing a helmet. I swear you're trying to give me a heart attack. Santana Lopez you are crazy." I chuckled and got myself some lemonade. Well it was wonderful to know that she cared. "What's your middle name?" That was out of the blue.

"Rosa." I said rolling the 'r' for her.

"That's a beautiful name. Mine's-."

"Barbra." I finished for her.

"I don't remember telling you that." Rachel said stealing my cup of lemonade and finishing the rest herself.

"You didn't…it was written on the bottom of your baby shoes." Of course never showed me those shoes, they were just in her garage and I glanced at them the 13th day after we'd met. Luckily Rachel didn't question it otherwise I think I'd had to come clean about my memory. "Hey hurry up; some of us have places to be!" Quinn looked over her shoulder at me and smiled. She bent down, revealing the bottom of some pink lace panties, and washed off my wheels with a sponge.

"Why do you even talk to her?" Rachel questioned turning away from the blonde.

"I dunno, it's more of a pissing contest than anything." I explained to Rachel. "Look, I'll tear her a new one if she bothers you. It's really fucking annoying."

"Don't hurt her that would be stooping to her level." Rachel said. Quinn walked over before I could ask Rachel what she meant by that.

"About time blondie." I said to Quinn who might as well have been shirtless. Her white shirt was soaked through and her pink bra was showing. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out a twenty. Quinn held out her hand for me to put the bill in, but I neglected. I tucked the bill into the waist band of her shorts. "That seems a little more up your alley." Rachel burst out laughing and so did I, Quinn looked less than amused.

"Alright, that was sort of comical." Quinn said waving the comment off. "Anyway, do you want to come to a party at my place tonight…you too dwar-Rachel."

I looked over at Rachel who didn't give off a clear expression of whether she thought this was a good idea or not. "We'll see if we can make it."

"Great…thank you for donating." Quinn wrapped her arms around my neck, successfully getting my shirt wet in the process.

"Quinn come on let go, you're wet."

"Yeah for you." She whispered into my ear before she pulled away. "See you guys later, and Santana…" I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for her to say something. "You should totally wear that, it looks _hot_."

"Do we have to go to that?" Rachel asked once Quinn had walked away.

"Can we just take a moment to remember the last party we were at? You got wasted…tonight you're driving by the way. I want to have some fun this time."


	17. Chapter 17

**Here you go Pezberry lovers. Enjoy.**

There was beer everywhere. Vodka splashed into girl's hair and wine coolers tightly hugged into the tiny hands of freshmen boys. I couldn't escape it. Everywhere I turned there was temptation, a high welcoming sign to who I used to be. I remember all those parties in California, back in the days when I didn't care about anything but myself.

I used to party hard, but that was before my father started drinking, before I saw how a simple bottle of liquid could tear two people apart. "Hey lame ass, are you abstaining from alcohol or something? Who would've thought you'd be such a bore?" I scooted over and allowed Quinn to sit in the space next to me on the couch. Quinn had two beers in her hands and she pressed one into my hand.

"I'm pretty boring once you get to know me." I said handing Quinn the beer back. "I don't really drink." I informed her and she laughed.

"This is a high school party, everyone drinks." Quinn said practically scolding me. "Don't tell me you're going to punk out on me." I was a lot of things. I was a student. I was a avid motorcyclist. I was a dreamer sometimes. Other times I was just hopeless. One thing that I, Santana Rosa Lopez, am not…is a punk.

I grabbed the beer out of Quinn hands and gulped the whole thing down in less than forty-five seconds flat. I waved Brittany over and asked her for two shots and she happily obliged. I downed those with the eyes of Quinn lingering on me with an amused grin. "Wow look at you go. Apparently you can hold your liquor there girly." I chuckled and downed another shot before I spotted Rachel walking over.

"Hi Santana, how are you enjoying yourself?" Rachel asked with a bubbly tone.

"Quinn scoot over." I reached out and grabbed Rachel's hand pulling her on to the couch between Quinn and me. "I'm having a good time." I glanced over at Quinn who was holding a shot in her hand.

"I hope you're driving Sani home, because she'll end up crashing into a house if she gets behind the wheel." I laughed even though it wasn't really that funny, and Rachel turned to face me with a worried expression.

"Very funny Quinn, except you forgot about one thing: Santana doesn't drink." The thing that made this so awkward was the way I reached across Rachel's body, so close that her nose grazed my cheek, and I grabbed the shot glass. I looked directly into Rachel's eyes and gulped the whole thing down.

"Looks like she does." Quinn said with a smug smirk directed at Rachel. "I'm gonna go get some more shots. You want some Santana?" I nodded and watched her weave between dancing teens towards her kitchen.

"You're such a hypocrite!" Rachel snapped making a hurried attempt at getting to her feet. I grabbed her wrist and held her in place so she couldn't move.

"Rach wait-."

"No. You were nearly in tears when you told me about your father's drinking problem. I thought you'd never do the exact thing that he's doing." That wasn't fair of her to compare us. My father drank escape his guilt, I was just doing it for one night of fun. I was also doing it because Quinn pressured me into doing it, that sort of thing happens every single day.

"I just want to have fun." I assured Rachel, whose skeptical agitation did not escape my hazy eyes.

"Can you stop just sitting there and come up here to dance with me?" Quinn questioned holding a shot in each hand. I wanted the booze, but I did not want to just leave Rachel.

"I can barley walk, let alone dance." I told Quinn who rolled her eyes but handed the two shots to me willingly. I downed them, stacked the empty glasses and handed them back to Quinn. "Now shoo." Quinn would've smacked me if she wasn't as hammered as I was.

"Can we get out of here? I'm starting to think that this was just a bad idea." Sober, I would have totally agreed, but drunk me was in no mood to even life a finger.

"We should sleep over." I suggested.

"That, my friend, is the worst idea that you've ever had."

…

I didn't care that Puck had to help Rachel carry me out to her car. I still punched him in the shoulder for grabbing my ass and I should actually be thankful that I made it out there. The drive home was boring and hazy, and Rachel didn't even let me listen to what I wanted to. When we finally got to her house Rachel said that she was going to try and see if I could make it up to her room without falling.

I was lying flat on my back in her grass in mere seconds.

Rachel pulled me up to my feet and we lugged towards the door. "Let's just sleep here." I tried to pull Rachel towards her couch but she wasn't having it. We managed to make it into her room, and I have to say that's when the booze really kicked in.

"Rach." I sat down on her bed and tried to tug her towards the bed by wrapping my arm around her wait.

"Santana! What? What are you doing?" She giggled when my hand slipped down to her butt. She thought I was messing around, I wasn't so sure that I was.

"Come here." I persuaded her but she removed my hand from her ass. "What's wrong?" I asked when she pulled away.

"You're so wasted right now; you probably don't even know my last name." I chuckled. Rachel walked away and went towards her closet to grab her pajamas. "Can you turn around?" She questioned as she began pulling up her shirt. I flipped on my stomach and lay face down on the bed.

"I think you're gonna have a problem." I mumbled into Rachel's sheets.

"What was that?" She said tapping me on the shoulder notifying me that I could now look. I flipped on my back and looked up at Rachel who was now brushing her hair.

"I sleep naked." Rachel chucked her hairbrush at me and blushed ferociously/

"No you don't! No way, and no way you're sleeping in my bed naked."

"Try and stop me." I lifted my shirt over my head and went for the button on my pants but Rachel stopped me. I didn't know what got into me when I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and pressed my lips to hers. I had barley touched our lips together when she dug her nails into my abs and tried to push me away. "Wait, Rach…come on." I leaned in again kissed her bottom lip, paying attention to her plump cider flavored gloss, dancing on my tongue.

God she tasted so good, and I wanted more. "Santana…stop. What are you doing?" She had a playfulness in her tone and she was even giggling like she was before. "Okay you're not allowed to drink anymore…ever. You get really-."

"Horny." I finished for her with a laugh.

"I don't actually use those terms but…yes." She sat down on the bed next to me. "You're not a bad kisser though." She said with the most adorable smile I'd ever seen. I dipped my head down slightly and kissed her again, this time I kept my left hand on her thigh. She pulled back again and laughed nervously.

"Shit, I'm wasted."

…

I woke up shirt less and with my legs intertwined with Rachel's. I didn't know that my arms were wrapped around her midsection until I felt the numbness in my body begin to fade away. I was spooning Rachel from behind, and I could feel her intakes of air. She had a slightly irregular breathing pattern. She was awake.

"Rachel?" I mumbled into her ear.

"Yeah." Rachel replied trying to turn her body around to face me. I didn't let her.

"What the fuck happened last night?" I questioned pressing my head further towards her neck so I could avoid the brightness that was emanating from Rachel's windows.

"You don't remember anything?" Her heart was beating faster now, and I wondered how she wanted me to answer. She doesn't know anything about my memory, so she doesn't know that I couldn't forget last night even if I wanted to.

"I remember drinking some…talking to Quinn…falling on your grass like an idiot…that's just about all." I couldn't tell her the truth; I didn't want to make things uncomfortable. I'd kissed her, more than once, and she tasted really delicious.

"You had a lot to drink." Rachel said getting up to a seated position.

"Yeah I figured, I'm such an idiot." I said sitting up as well. We were so close that we were sharing the same air. My eyes flickered down to her lips and for a second I thought about kissing her again. I don't know if she wanted me to, but I knew she was afraid of me remembering what happened last night. "Can we talk about the giant elephant in the room?" Rachel's eyes widened slightly before softening.

"What?"

"Why am I shirtless?" I know the answer, but I had to hear it from her.

"Oh right that was the result of you insisting that you slept naked. I had to stop you from stripping down completely." Rachel said poking me in the stomach.

"That's pretty embarrassing." I said pulling the covers over my bra.

"No, not if you look like that." And for the first time in ever, Rachel Berry made me blush.

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	18. Chapter 18

I was fine with pretending nothing had happened. I just didn't want it to be awkward between Rachel and I. The real problem was me. I was a mess around her, sometimes I'd just catch myself staring and I still wouldn't stop. So she was beautiful, but she wasn't just some girl, she wasn't like Quinn.

I wish I could tell her, hell I wish I could just show her, but she'd made it clear that she was over what happened, certainly seemed like she was over our friendship too. "Santana, can I talk to you for a moment?" She didn't wait for my reply instead she grabbed both of my hands and pulled me into an empty room.

"What is it?" I questioned wondering if for a moment that something bad had happened.

"Finn Hudson." She said it with such clarity and certainty that I figured I was supposed to recognize the name. I didn't though, and I wondered why she had such a huge grin plastered on her face. "Typically one smiles at a moment like that." Rachel said searching my eyes for recognition.

"I don't even know what you're talking about. Who the hell is Finn Hudson?" She looked at me like I was insane.

"He's the quarterback of our football team, basketball captain." Wait hold on, there was no way she was talking about that monstrous T-Rex kid who I've seen clumsily fumbling through the hallway. I propped myself up against the wall and choked on a laugh. "What? You know him right?"

"Yeah he's a giant ogre." Rachel looked less than amused. "So what about him?"

"He asked me out." My heart stopped. It sank deep into my stomach and fell further, to the point where my posture began crumble. I didn't like this at all, I didn't want that freak with Rachel…I actually didn't want anyone with Rachel. Now I was really thinking about this Finn kid. He was boring, flabby, and he looked like a tool. What on earth did she see in him?

"What'd you say?" For some reason I hoped she would say 'no', simply 'no'. As if we would just laugh at the insanity of Finn asking her out, at least that's what I hoped would happen.

"I obviously said yes. He's picking me up tonight at 7 to go to a movie, I was wondering if you could come over and help me find something to wear?" Like fuck I was going to do that.

"Huh, yeah fucking right." I said angrily. She looked confused and she reached out her hand to touch my arm but I pulled back quicker than I should have.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, have fun on your date. Just don't put out you don't want to be known as the school slut-." I tried to barge out of the room, but Rachel latched both of her hands around my left wrist. I tried to pull back, this time with more force, but I only ended up tugging her in closer to me.

"What is your problem?" Rachel snapped.

"Fuck off Rach!" I didn't want to deal with her right now. If she wanted to go out with him it was fine, but I didn't need to be brought into any of this. "I need to get to a class-."

"Why aren't you at least happy for me? Why is it that I'm not allowed to be happy?" Rachel was furious and she had the right to be.

"I just don't want to see you hurt." _Or with anyone else._ "Sorry I'm just in one of my moods-."

"You can talk to me about it." I pondered this for a moment but shook my head.

"No, no I can't."

…

"Hey Samantha!" I rushed up to Sam's side and stepped in front of him forcing him to stop in the middle of the hallway.

"San, what's up?" He said flipping his hair back and giving me a wicked smile.

"We're still on for tonight right? Modern Warfare?" We'd been planning to hang out at his place for awhile, but we finally settled on tonight. Now that I was sure that Rachel had someplace better to be I was free to chill with Sam.

"Yeah for sure, I've got snacks too; do you want me to pick you up?" He questioned slinging his arm over my shoulder and walking with me towards my locker. We opened our lockers simultaneously and while I tried to steal some candy out of his _secret_ candy stash he shoved his books into his locker.

"No I'll drive." I told him taking another piece of candy without him noticing. I really needed to shoot the fuck out of some people just to keep my mind off of Rachel.

"Hey loser." I looked over my shoulder and spotted Quinn waltzing over to me with a cheeky grin on her face. She glanced at Sam and gave him a look that said 'get lost'. Sam could take a hint so he patted me on the shoulder before telling me that he's see me later at his house, and heading off down the hallway. "What are you going over his house for? Steamy sex?" Quinn joked.

"Video games." I told her. "Not that any of this matters, what do you want?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

"I can't just say hi?"

"No, you clearly want something so just ask already." Quinn's eyes connected with mine and she glanced over her shoulder to see if anyone was around. No one was.

She leaned in close to me so that my back was pressed up against the cold locker and she whispered in my ear, "Look I'm super horny, you don't have class…let's go do something." I understood what she meant. I mean there was nothing else she could mean, but I didn't know if I was up for it. When I kissed her it was really hot, but I just wanted Rachel so badly sometimes. You know what fuck Rachel; she was going to ditch me for some asshole.

"Alright come on." I took the lead, pushing my hands deep into my pockets and walking towards the cheerleading locker room. I didn't even wait until we were both completely inside, I grabbed Quinn's wrist and slammed her up against the wall. Our lips locked together and we nipped at one another aggressively. She tried to push her tongue into my mouth but instead I pulled back pushing up her cheerleading skirt and figuring out how the hell to yank down her spanks.

"You're so fucking aggressive." She breathed out as a jerked down her spanks and pressed my thumb to her clit. I guess cheerleading did wonders for your voice because the noise that came out of Quinn's mouth made me suck all the way from her collarbone all the way up to her chin. "Shit you're so sexy." She slid her hand under my shirt and pressed against my toned abs.

I pulled her body closer to mine, my left her massaging her clit and my right clasped around her neck. I didn't know if I was trying to hurt her or not, somehow being in such control hearing her moan and gasp in pleasure and pain when I nipped at her earlobe and bit down on her lips. I entered her roughly, she yelped out in pain for a moment before grinding on my fingers for more. She wanted it just like I was giving it to her.

"Oh god…San-shit…I-fuck!" She orgasmed with two of my fingers still inside her. She fell limp in my arms, and I held her even though I felt disgusted with myself. After awhile, a long while of silence, I pulled my fingers out and let her fix her clothes. "You didn't speak the whole time." Quinn said retying her ponytail. "I can do something to make you feel good if you want-." I shook my head no and took a few steps back.

"This never happened." I told her.

"You think I would tell?" She questioned innocently. "No one but Britt knows about me and I plan on keeping it that way. Just whenever you're bored, I'm always open for hooking up like this." It was so chill and not formal at all. Maybe this would actually turn out to be an arrangement for us.

"Also can you please back off of Rachel? She doesn't need your shit all the time."

"God I'm only messing with her I don't actually care. I'll lay off." She said biting her lip and smirking. "Damn Santana though, those hands of yours were like magic, you could make me hot just thinking of you." I rolled my eyes smacked Quinn's ass before leaving the locker room.

I felt like falling against a locker and the hallway and puking my guts up. When my fingers were inside Quinn and my lips on her, the only thing I thought about, the only thing I wanted was Rachel.


	19. Chapter 19

**Alright I know the Quinn and Santana thing last chapter was sort of out there, but this chapter has less to do with that whole situation. Samtana relationship as well as Pezberry friendship is present. Enjoy.**

The cool thing about Sam's house was that it was simple. You walked in; there were minimal numbers of pictures and nothing fancy. One thing for sure was that it's cozy. I followed Sam up to his room and burst out laughing when his mom reminded him to keep the door open. Sam blushed and muttered something incoherent and probably nerdy under his breath.

We started playing Modern Warfare online first. Sam actually yelled more than I did and although he was good, I was better and he knew it. It was still fun though, I was ecstatic when I found out that Sam was this into video games, because I know Rachel would be super opposed to violence, even in simulation. "Dude you've got a huge mouth." Sam smiled at my little tactic to screw him up. "Like a trout…Trouty Mouth." He broke out into a fit of laughter allowing me to finish out the race on Mario Cart in 1st.

"You're such a cheater." Sam said nudging me.

"It's called skills." I said nudging him back. Sam went over to his box of games and reached in for another one to play. While we were waiting for it to load up Sam started fidgeting with his controller. "What's wrong with you?" I questioned looking over at him. He had this look that just screamed 'worried teenage angst'.

"Nothing."

"It's a girl, who?" Sam looked at me like I had a monkey on my head.

"Should I ask how you knew?" He questioned pausing the whole gaming system and turning towards me. He crossed his legs and ran his fingers through his hair. "Look I have no chance with this girl, so I don't know why I should even try."

"Who is it?" I asked trying to rack my brain and figure out who I saw Sam checking out last week. "Oh wait Mercedes Jones?" Now he looked at me like I'd grown six-thousand head.

"How are you in my brain? I've never told anyone that!"

"Didn't know you were into divas." I said in a slightly snarky tone.

"I didn't know you were either." Sam retorted back. I grab him by the collar of his shirt and yanked him towards me.

"What did you just say?" My voice was more frantic than annoying.

"Rachel, you like Rachel…it's not obvious, but I've sort of thought that for awhile." Well damn he was good. I let go of his collar and he smiled. I wondered how much Sam actually knew; I mean before I came here, Rachel only had Kurt, Sam and Tina as friends. "I didn't know you were…well you know."

"I just…well Rachel's not like anyone else I've ever met. It's too bad I've already screwed things up before I could get a chance with her." Sam cocked his head to the side.

"You couldn't have messed up that bad-."

"I kissed her when I was shitface drunk and the next day she completely pretended it never happened. I must have scared her off from that." How could she pretend that didn't happen though? I knew she felt something, because she let me touch her like that, she trembled when I touched her like that. "It doesn't matter because right now she's out on a date with Finn Hudson."

"But you can't give up…hey how about a deal? You help me with Mercedes and I'll help you with Rachel?" That sounded like the best plan in the world right now.

"Sounds like a plan Trouty Mouth…sounds like a damn good plan."

…

"I'm sorry about yesterday." I forget how on earth I got Rachel to come over my house but I was happy that she was here. We didn't pretend that we were going to work on homework either, we were just on my bed lying side-by-side on our stomachs talking. "I was being a jerk."

"But why?" I couldn't tell her why, not right now.

"I was just upset I dunno…so how'd you date with Finn go?" I knew that we'd have to talk about it at some point. That's what friends always did. "Did he sweep you off your feet?"

"It was fun, sometimes I got the feeling that he wasn't listening to me though, which was sort of annoying. He tried to kiss me when he dropped me off." I turned towards her for a second before Charlie jumped up and licked my cheek.

"What do you mean tried to?"

"I couldn't, not on the first date." Really was she sure about that? Because she defiantly let me kiss her when I was falling over my own feet drunk. And not only that but she let me kiss her twice.

"First date? So there will be a second one?" I questioned pulling Charlie up on the bed allowing him to lay down in front of Rachel and I.

"Girls like me don't get chances with popular guys like him very often." As if that was a true answer. She was right though, girls like Rachel, intelligent girls weren't right for jocks like Finn. I didn't have to know the kid personally to know what he wanted. He must have thought that Rachel would sleep with him just because of who he was, I hope she doesn't give in to that.

"Wow I thought you were smarter than that." I stated lifting myself up and off the bed. I began pacing around the room, feeling Rachel's eyes on me the whole time. "Not everything has to be like a fairytale." I whispered.

"Where were you last night? I saw the lights in your room come on at two in the morning." Obviously she thought I was out sleeping around. That was clear from the strain in her voice. I thought about telling her about Quinn. About how I fucked her in the cheerleading locker room because I was just angry and confused.

"I was at Sam's; we played some video games and talked some." Now she looked curious. She picked up Charlie and held him in her arms. The two of them together was too cute to look away from.

"You talked? About what? It must be serious…"

"It's just…he likes someone, but he feels stuck. I guess I feel the same way." In that moment we locked eyes. Rachel must have felt it, the tension in the room rising, the silent understanding between us, that the kiss wouldn't be forgotten.

"Who does he like?"

"Mercedes Jones, do you talk to her?" I questioned.

"Occasionally, she's really nice and friends with Kurt. I didn't know Sam liked her, that's so cute." I agree, Sam surprised me more often than not. That's why I think we'll be friends for a long time.

"Yeah I mean who could resist the charm of Sam?" Rachel giggled along with me. "Anyway I'm gonna talk to her tomorrow, see what's going on with her."

"You aren't afraid to do that? I mean she's nice but you've never talked to her. Don't you think I'll be a little weird?"

"You underestimate me." My phone buzzed on the bed next to Rachel I glanced over at it and decided I'd ignore it. It was probably Ritz anyway. I reached into my desk drawer and pulled out a sketch of Charlie that I did. It was him in the bad yard chasing a squirrel.

"Aren't you going to see who it is?" Rachel questioned glancing between my phone and I. I shrugged and Rachel picked up my phone and flipped it open. "It's from Quinn…she says _meet me in the locker room during free period tomorrow_. Why would you be meeting Quinn?"

"She probably just wants to talk." I lied.

"Why can't you guys talk in the library or something? Why in the locker room?" Rachel knew I was lying. She knew and she was going to sit there and pretend that everything was okay.

"It's none of your business Rach." I had to dismiss this whole thing. I was going to lash out if I didn't.

"Okay." She said looking away from me.

"So do you do ballet?" Rachel looked up at me with a curious gaze. Like I knew to much in this moment. She didn't know about my view of her from my bedroom. She didn't know that I'd watched her dancing around in her room a million times. "I just see you come home sometimes, with your outfit on, hair up in a tight bun….I only assumed-."

"Not many people know actually. I just do it because it's relaxing, just being in your own world, like you with drawing…it's something beautiful right?"

"Everyone's got their outlet." I agreed.

"But sometimes you don't, right? That's why you were playing soccer…that's why you shove your hands into your pockets." The room fell silent. The only thing I could hear was Charlie bunching up the covers and rolling around in them, occasionally making grunting noises.

"Anger just gets the best of me sometimes. We moved here because of my dad's job, but it was also because I got kicked out of my old school." I'd never told anyone in Ohio this. I'm sure my father used his money to cover it up on my transcript from last year, but it was true. I got expelled.

"Why? What'd you do?"

"Beat this kid's face in. Like that Paul Reynolds kid here, I thought it was happening again, you know? It doesn't matter though; I beat up Paul Reynolds to protect you. I beat up this other kid…for Kenzie." I knew every time I mentioned Kenzie; I was opening up a different side of myself to Rachel.

"Was Kenzie grateful?"

"I don't know…maybe. I say I did it for her, but I still feel selfish about the whole thing. I was the one who was angry, I was always angry about what was going on. Kenzie was different, she would've hugged the kid and I would've killed him." Was I scaring her? Was I making her feel like I was a monster? I hoped so.

"You wouldn't have." Rachel said simply.

"And how would you know? You have no idea what I'm capable of." I assured her.

"You just wouldn't." How could she be so sure? "You're kind, last week I saw you talking to Brittany Pierce and it was just…something gentle."

"I have to talk to you about something…it's really important Rach." She looked at me and for the first time I was afraid. I thought about what Mrs. Corcoran wanted me to do. Was it right? I thought about my mother. My dead mother. I'd want to know if I was Rachel. She had two loving parents, but she couldn't live through her life not knowing about her mother. "But…I can't tell you now. If you trust me enough, you'll understand that this is right."

"I trust you…I do."

"I have a question though." I said suddenly.

"You can ask me anything."

"It's just about Mercedes; I think it'd be better if you introduced me to her. I just don't want to mess things up for Sam." Rachel grinned and I blushed. I usually didn't ask anyone for help.

"Of course I will. So are you just doing this for Sam? Or is there something in it for you?" Rachel was smart; she knew nothing in life was free.

"He's going to help me with my crush." I said avoiding her gaze. "We're both way outta our leagues."

**Review please. **


	20. Chapter 20

**There's some dark moments in this chapter, but it all works out in the end. **

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I could feel the frantic vibrations against my warm thighs. It felt strange considering the circumstances. Strange considering the warm tongue exploring my mouth and the icy cold hazel eyes connecting with mine; begging me for more, begging me to bite down harder to squeeze her tighter, to push inside her faster. God I hated this so much, I hated her sometimes, but it felt good too. I couldn't deny that it just made me feel and that was okay. But my phone continued buzzing and I reached for my pocket because I could stand that damn vibration any longer.

"Don't answer that-." Quinn said pulling my hand away from my pocket and pulling me closer to her. "Who the fuck would be stupid enough to call you at school anyway?" Quinn tugged at my shirt and tried to pull it over my head, but I didn't let her. I didn't like the way she touched me, I was fucking her, I wasn't going to get fucked. My phone vibrated again and I was at the point where I just wanted to break the damn thing, instead a stepped away from Quinn, with my hand still on her ass, her chest bare, and spanks pulled down.

I took out my phone and flipped it open. 7 texts were waiting for me, they were all from Rachel. I opened the first one, fumbling for a second because my hands were shaking.

**[from Rachel]: Santana where are you? I need you please, I need you. **

I didn't have to read anymore to know that I needed to go find her. I removed my hand from Quinn and shoved my phone back into my pocket. "Where are you going? Wait!" I didn't wait though, I rushed out of the locker room, barely fixing my shirt from it's crooked mess. I bolted down the hallway, looking through door every opening for a glimpse of Rachel. I couldn't find her, where the hell was she?

I spotted Puck talking to that Finn dickhole, and I rushed over towards them. "Hey, do you know where Rachel is?" The boys exchanged glances, letting me know they knew more than they wanted to tell me. "What happened?" This I had to direct at Puck. We weren't friends, we would never be that, but it seemed like there was a connection, somehow it was just there.

"She's always had it rough here-." That was Puck just trying to sugarcoat things. That pissed me off and I let him know that by slamming my palm against the locker between their faces.

"Just tell me." I demanded.

"A lot of the cheerleaders just aren't happy about me taking her on a date…it's a popularity thing…it just happens. A whole group of them dumped slushies on her." I don't think I've ever wanted to hurt someone so badly than I wanted to hurt Finn Hudson now.

"I'm still waiting for the part where you say what you did to help her." Puck and Finn exchanged glances again, and I bit back my rage. I didn't have time to waste; I just needed to find Rachel. "Alright then where is she?"

"Upstairs bathroom-." I didn't need anything else. I just ran as fast as I could, through a large group of sophomores and past Mr. Shuester, whom I've grown to actually despise. I burst through the bathroom door and found Rachel standing in front of the mirror, holding a sopping wet paper towel. There was blue, green, and red food coloring running down her hair and splashing on the floor. Her sweater was ruined and I rushed over and grabbed as many paper towels as possible. The way she looked at me…I knew she hadn't noticed me in there before. The tears in her eyes weld up and my heart broke for her.

"Here let me help-." I tried to wipe some of the slush off her cheek, but she smacked my hand away forcefully and suddenly.

"Help? Helping would be answering you _damn _phone when I text you asking for you to come and _fucking _save me." I was so afraid of hearing Rachel curse that the _pang_ that reached my gut when she did, caused me to take a step back. She was so pissed that her chocolate orbs watered up to the brim and her tears pored over down into the blue, red, and green color smeared across her face.

"I didn't do this on purpose; I didn't know this was happening. Besides where was your boyfriend Finn to help you out?" I was just searching for a way to alleviate the blame, but I couldn't escape it.

"Finn isn't my boyfriend, and even if he was _you're_ my friend. You promised that you would always be there for me no matter what. You promised!" She tried to push me away, but I grabbed her hand before she could. She was angry, she was angry at me, but she didn't want to hurt me.

"Wait let me explain-."

"Explain what? That you abandoned me! That you let me be humiliated in front of the whole school because you were off doing-…what were you doing? Where were you that was so important that you couldn't even come and protect me?" It was going to come out sooner or later, but not now. Not like this. I gently pushed a strand of Rachel's hair behind her ear. I pulled back and she smacked me. A cold, hard, burning sensation ripped across my cheek. My knees buckled from shock not pain, and for awhile we just stood there staring at one another, wondering what to do or say next.

"Rach I-."

"You don't have to try and lie to me anymore. I get it, you were with Quinn, she's your new best friend now-." I grabbed her wrist and didn't let her move.

"Stop, that's not true." She tried pull away but I didn't let her. I could see it in the way she avoided my gaze.

"We don't have to pretend anymore Santana, I'm just a stepping stone…I get it now."

"What are we pretending about?" I questioned letting my hand fall to my side.

"I thought I knew…there was a moment when I was so sure, now…I wish I knew."

….

"Let's perform a song." It was spontaneous and stupid, coming from me, but I needed to do something dramatic to get everything back together. It's been two weeks and Rachel hadn't said a word to me. She frantically turned away from me in school and she left early in the morning to avoid pulling out of the driveway at the same time that I did. I just wanted to talk to her again, she wouldn't hate me if I was honest, there was no way she would.

"How'd you know I sing?" Sam questioned glancing over his shoulder.

"You were singing _Pumped Up Kicks_ on the way over here. Plus, it wouldn't have mattered if you could sing or not, it's gonna happen. Chicks dig singing…fact of life." Sam smiled and I jumped on the bed next to him.

"You sing too?" Sam questioned.

"Yeah a little, I haven't in awhile. Do you think it's like riding a bike?" Sam smiled and nodded. I picked up Sam's phone and went online, searching for chords to a song.

"Wait do you play guitar?" Sam questioned with wide eyes.

"Yeah I've been playing for years. I sorta had an idea for a song actually." Sam leaned over closer to me to look at the chords.

"It's not some lame chick song is it?" He questioned. He had no right to call anyone lame. He was wearing a _Star Trek _shirt and _Spongebob_ sweatpants. If anyone was lame it was him.

"No actually I was thinking an acoustic version of _Hey Ya _by Outcast." Sam's face light up but I didn't know if he thought the idea was crazy or brilliant. "Alright I know it sounds-."

"Like the coolest idea ever!" I would've kissed Sam if I wasn't afraid of being swallowed whole by his giant mouth, I was that happy. "So when is this going down? I'm totally up for anything. Let's go for it San, seriously! Let's do it in the courtyard, it'll probably be one of the last few days that people will want to go out there anyway."

"You're bold." I said with a confident grin.

"Hell yeah, girl we're ballsy. We're gonna do it, we're gonna get our girls."

…

It was colder than I thought it would be today. That's why as I was waiting for Sam to get out of his class I found a corner to set my acoustic guitar behind me and light up a cigarette. I was happy I found a secluded place, quiet, yet I could still keep an eye on the kids mingling around the courtyard.

"Yo San you ready to go?" I stomped out my cigarette and picked up my guitar. We spotted Mercedes at the same time and Sam and I exchanged smiles.

"Let's do this." Without warning we jumped on top of the table that Mercedes was sharing with Kurt, Tina, and a few other girls whom I didn't know. It didn't matter who was there, this was for Mercedes.

"This is a little something for you." Sam pointed at Mercedes and she gushed. I began strumming the guitar slowly and picked up the pace once Sam opened his mouth and sang:

_One, two, three!  
>My baby don't mess around<br>Cause she loves me so  
>This I know fo sho!<br>_

_But does she really wanna  
>But can't stand to see me walk out tha door<br>Don't try to fight the feeling  
>Cause the thought alone is killin' me right now<br>Thank God for Mom and Dad  
>For sticking together<br>Like we don't know how  
><em>

Sam and I swayed to the beat and broke out into the chorus. About halfway through I caught a glimpse of Rachel walking outside. Everyone's eyes were on us by the point, but it was only her eyes that I wanted on me now.

_Hey ya! Hey ya!  
>Hey ya! Hey ya!<br>Hey ya! Hey ya!  
>Hey ya! Hey ya!<br>_

Rachel had moved over towards the table right next to Mercedes. I jumped off of the table and spun in a circle, keeping with the rhythm of the song. I made eye contact with Rachel just as I started singing the next verse.

_You think you've got it  
>Oh, you think you've got it<br>But got it just don't get it when there's nothin' at all  
>We get together<br>Oh, we get together  
><em>

Rachel was smiling, even though she didn't know it. I could feel it, she was happy, she was proud, and it was all for me.

_But separate's always better when there's feelings involved  
>Know what they say -its:<br>Nothing lasts forever!  
>Then what makes it, then what makes it<br>Then what makes it, then what makes it  
>Then what makes <strong>love the exception<strong>?  
>So why, oh, why, oh<br>Why, oh, why, oh, why, oh  
>Are we still in denial when we know we're not happy here<br>_

Sam jumped in now, he even got a few guys to turn around and smile at us. Everyone around us was smiling and clapping. Mercedes smile was open and she kept her eyes glued to Sam._  
><em>_Hey! alright now! alright now, fellas!__  
><em>_Now, what cooler than being cool?__  
><em>_I can't hear ya! I say what's, what's cooler than being cool?_

We sang together:_  
><em>_Alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright!__  
><em>

I slowed it down. I wanted Rachel more than ever and I made sure she felt the words when I sang them to her. Looking right in her eyes, I even let my hand brush over her skin, and the electricity that I felt was breathtaking.

_Okay, now ladies!__  
><em>_Now we gonna break this thang down for just a few seconds,__  
><em>_Now don't have me break this thang down for nothin',__  
><em>_I want to see you on your badest behavior!__  
><em>_Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor!__  
><em>_Ah! Here we go now,_

I'd never had more fun in my life. Sam and I were charming the socks off of everyone around us. And the next lines were just enjoyable and playful.

_Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it,  
>Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it,<br>Shake it like a Polaroid picture! Hey ya!  
>Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it,<br>Shake it, shake it, shake it, suga!  
>Shake it like a Polaroid picture!<br>Get on tha floor get on tha floor!  
>Shake it like a Polaroid picture!<br>Oh, you! oh, you!  
>Hey ya!(oh, oh) Hey ya!(oh, oh)<br>_

We were standing next to Mercedes now, side-by-side, genuine and sweet. We sang the last lines together, slowly…it was so pure that I was actually taken aback.

_Hey ya! Hey ya!_

Mercedes jumped out of her seat and wrapped her arms around Sam. I pushed the guitar on it's straps behind my body and clapped along with the crowds of people around us. Lunch was almost over, and my free period was going up next. The crowds began to dissipate, but suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and I was met with the chocolate orbs and Rachel's grin.

"I hate you for not telling me how amazing you are." I chuckled, but Rachel looked serious. "You're a singer, a very good singer…I was charmed."

"It wasn't graceful." I said coyly. "Can we be friends again?" I questioned suddenly.

"I-."

"Just say yes. Let me explain what's been going on. Not here, not at school…but I'll come over your house later. There are a few things that I need to tell you." Rachel smiled and looked around us for a second. The courtyard was almost empty.

"Yes…there's a lot I need to know, but I can't stand not being your friend. It was just too…unbearable."

**Read and Review. The song is "Hey Ya" by Outcast**


	21. Chapter 21

**So this is a sort of heart to heart between Rachel and Santana. Some things are revealed but everything is still fine between them. Enjoy.**

"You're nervous…Santana you're actually shaking." I pulled my hand away from her and smiled. We were out on Rachel's front porch. I'd been content with just watching the cars go by until I finally got the guts to say something, but Rachel beat me to it. She was curious about what I was going to tell her, but she'd been patient up until now. "What's wrong? Jeez, I'm actually at this strange point of worry." I chuckled to myself looking towards the garage where I could hear her father toss something into a garbage can and go back inside.

There wasn't really a rush in this, not like I thought. I plan on telling Rachel about Quinn today, but I don't want to freak her out. We'd kissed, but I was wasted. She probably thought it was some stupid experiment, so way for me to just have fun, it was all that, true, but it was because I was attracted to her. "Nothing to worry about." I assured her calmly.

"I'm sorry for slapping you earlier. I'll admit that I'm usually dramatic, but that was overboard I-." I pressed my thumb to her lip to get her to be quiet. She stopped and for a second I just thought that everything would be better if I just kissed her right now. What more would I need to do to show her what I was feeling?

"It was barely a tap on the face Rach." She nudged me in the rib and we both exchanged grins. "When you were texting me earlier…I was doing something bad." Well more like doing _someone _bad. I knew how Rachel felt about Quinn, it was no secret that she hated her, but there was still this little part of me that wondered why Rachel put up with me talking to her. Some part of Rachel wanted to be Quinn, some part of her wanted to be popular like her.

"What were you doing?" Rachel questioned sheepishly.

"I was…how much do you know about Quinn Fabray?" I decided to take a different approach. Maybe it wasn't such a big secret. Maybe I was over thinking this.

"She's a snob sometimes, insanely popular, beautiful, and the envy of just about everyone in the school. Is that who you were with? I was upset before, but it's fine if you were talking to her." Rachel didn't get it. At what point was she just going to connect the dots in her head?

"We weren't _talking_ Rachel." I looked behind me and then to my right. I had to make sure no one was around. "We were…in the cheerleading locker room…we were hooking up." Rachel just held this look of disbelief that I thought would be permanent. She opened her moth a few times, but she didn't say anything. "It was so stupid we were just-."

"Why?"

"Huh?" That wasn't exactly what I thought her reaction would be.

"Why were you hooking up with her? She's tormented me for years…so why her?" She seemed so timidly angry that I almost regretted replying before I even opened my mouth.

"It just happened one day…I just wanted to feel something, I just knew she would let me-…it's not like I want her." It was like I was talking to a wall.

"But you must think she's beautiful. You must want to be with her." Rachel's voice grew in volume but started lacking aggressiveness. She seemed angry but above all she seemed nervous.

"No, I would never. She just told me she was horny, I would've done just about anything to make her shut up." Rachel didn't believe me and I didn't believe myself. Trying to justify this was insane without the whole truth. I screwed Quinn to somehow get back at Rachel, I went back a second time because I could pretend that Quinn was Rachel, and that made it bearable. But I couldn't tell Rachel that. "It didn't mean anything. Why aren't you freaking out about top bitch Quinn being a closet homo?"

"Don't call her that Santana." Rachel scolded. "And I knew from the first time she interacted with you that she was interested in you, it doesn't take a genius."

"Why didn't you say something?" I questioned thinking back to the time when Brittany and Quinn showed up at Eddy's and bothered the hell out of Rachel and I. "She's a total bitch to you."

"I would never out her…that's just something I don't believe in doing." Was there anything about Rachel that wasn't noble or charming? No, no there wasn't. "Are you going to stop?"

"Do you want me to?" I questioned after a long silence.

"Why would I care?" She snapped back so suddenly that I knew something was bothering her. I turned around and looked into her house through her screen door. I didn't feel comfortable out in the open, it was starting to get dark and cold, and I hated talking about this where her fathers could potentially hear us.

"Can we go inside?" Rachel looked at me and then back at the ground, nodding before standing to her feet smoothing out the inexistent wrinkles in her skirt, and leading me into her house and upstairs to her room.

Today her room seemed quiet, too quiet actually. I debated asking Rachel to turn on some music, but decided against it. When Rachel closed her door I didn't protest, I just sat there wondering how I should start. "Remember that night when I got drunk at Quinn's party?" Rachel turned to me and sat down next to me on her bed. She didn't look into my eyes, not until I placed my hand gently on her thigh. It wasn't sexual, but the touch sent shivers down my spine.

"That was awhile ago. I don't remember a lot from that night, I remember you're so drunk that-."

"I kissed you." So it was out there and Rachel looked uncomfortable. "Well I mean I kissed you twice, I was plastered…but…look I'm sorry about that. I know you wanted to forget about the whole thing, but I just wanted to clear the air." Rachel looked grateful and a smile slipped across my face.

"I didn't think you'd remember, I thought you would be embarrassed if I told you what happened. Kissing me isn't really good for style points." Rachel joked. I lay down on her bed and chuckled. Rachel always talked about me being a downer, but she was sometimes worse about that.

"The embarrassing part was that I grabbed your ass, at least I could have been gentle." Rachel blushed which made my grin grow. I sat up to a seat position and crossed my right leg in front of my body, touching Rachel's thigh to my knee. "Can we make a pact?" Rachel looked puzzled so I continued. "That Finn guy is an asshole and Quinn's a bitch. I'll swear off Quinn if you swear off Finn."

"Deal." Rachel said linking our pinkies. We kept our pinkies linked for awhile, the whole time I just kept thinking about kissing her. Just pulling her close to me and kissing her. My eyes even diverted to her lips and for a second, I was going to go for it, and then I remembered….if I kissed Rachel sober, then that would change everything. I didn't want change, not right now. Sometimes people are just better off being friends. "I know I said it today, but your singing…it was so amazing. I'm actually upset you didn't tell me about it."

"It was a lot of fun really, forgotten what I sounded like for awhile." Kenzie and I used to sing together sometimes. Not seriously, but just for fun. She was totally into rapping, that was her style. She was this cutsie little white girl, but she had flow.

"Would you-…no never mind…it's stupid."

"Yes I'll sing for you." It didn't take a genius to figure out what Rachel wanted to ask me. She didn't have to be shy about it, I would be glad to.

"You're the best." Rachel said wrapping me into a tight embrace.

"No you are." I said once she pulled back. "Let's go out to lunch tomorrow with Sam and Mercedes-."

"That sounds like a double date." Rachel said with a smile.

"He's too nervous to go alone and I'm not third wheeling."

"Fine I go, but you're paying." Rachel demanded.

"Like a date?" I joked.

"Just like a date, you can drive me and everything." _And everything_. The thought echoed in my mind. Dates weren't just about one person paying or driving, they were about brushing your hand over someone's thigh, they were about leaning in on their front porch and kissing them on the cheek because you're not sure if they'd kiss you back. I know Rachel didn't mean a _date_, but the thought couldn't have been that far from her mind.

"So you alright with what I just told you? About Quinn and everything?" Rachel nodded but looked away from me.

"I don't care about your sexuality; my fathers obviously taught me well. I just wish it wasn't Quinn, Brittany I could handle, but not Quinn." I understood, God did I understand. I was in Rachel position a year ago, we were in the exact same spot, it was just worse for me.

"Your dads are the best. You think I could crash here for awhile, for like…ever."

"Why? You told me that things were fine with your dad." Things were never _fine_ with my dad. Dinners had just become extremely intense at this point. He told me about work, but everything had been focused on the death of his recent patient. Death. It was always enough to throw me over the edge. My mom's dead, Kenzie might as well be. I should've saved her, dammit if I saved her I could have saved them both.

It was the constant questioning from my dad. I get why he did it, to protect me, so I wouldn't end up like Kenzie. He knows a lot about me and what was going on in California, but he doesn't know everything, and if he did I'd be in the psych ward right now. I know he doesn't agree with my beliefs, actually we don't really see eye-to-eye on much. It felt good to be accepted by Rachel, because I knew no matter how much my father pretended, he'll never accept me for who I am.

"When I go inside it's like an interrogation scene from _Law and Order_. He thinks I'm smoking pot, you know I smoke but…not that stuff."

"Both are bad for you and your voice. Why does your father think you're smoking pot?" Rachel questioned quietly.

"He thinks that the move has changed me. He thinks that I'm depressed again…after Kenzie and my mom things did get bad for me. I didn't leave my room for weeks, but now I'm better." Suddenly Rachel's room felt small and I stood up and began cracking my fingers and knuckles out of habit. "People are supposed to change after stuff like that. Don't you think you'd lose it if you lost your mom?" I wasn't thinking, it just came out, but it was the right time.

"Santana I have two dads, not a mom." But she did have a mom. Mrs. Corcoran that was her mother.

"You have a mom…you just don't know her. Have you ever thought about-?"

"No, I'm happy with my fathers. I don't need anyone else." She'd been thinking about this before, it wasn't a new option. She was so sure that I knew behind all this she was uncertain. "The whole thought just freaks me out."

"All I know is I would give anything to see my mom again…I'd give anything."

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	22. Chapter 22

**I got a little carried away in this chapter, but I hope you guys enjoy it.**

There's no way this is happening. There is no way that Rachel is forcing me to do this. I know how this all started. It was all because of Rachel and I joking about this being a date. Today was a unique day really, the second half of the day was a service day which essentially meant that everyone was going home and skipping. Including Rachel and I. The thing about this whole date thing was that Rachel was taking it seriously. I mean it wasn't even dinner, it was lunch, lunch counts for nothing. But here I was anyway, and Rachel was not giving up.

"Go on." Rachel said standing in front of my passenger's side door. I stood there with my arms crossed, intent on waiting it out. If there was one thing I knew about Rachel Berry it was that she was punctual. She couldn't stand being late for anything, there was no way she would continue being this persistent at the risk of us being late.

"There's no way I'm doing that." I leaned on the car, my back pressed up against the spot right next to the passenger's side door. I could just reach over and open it if I wanted to, it was simple, but I was not going to open the door for Rachel just because she asked me to. This wasn't that kind of arrangement.

"Not even for me." Rachel had those big doe eyes, chocolate and warm, and I thought about giving in for about half a second.

"Haven't you ever heard the phrase 'chivalry is dead'?" Rachel laughed and finally reached for the door handle. I placed my hand on top of hers and we opened it together. "There now that's a joint effort." Rachel playfully pushed me away and I walked over to the other side of the car and got in.

"You're so stubborn." Rachel said when I changed the radio station from the one she'd chosen. "It's not the best trait."

"Not the worst either." I replied rationally. "So where is this place? It's probably like some fucking lego restaurant." Knowing Sam he would forget what a nerd he was and ruin things with Mercedes. That's half of the reason why I was going in the first place.

"It's called Marci's Pizzeria." Rachel said. "Oh there it is!" She practically grabbed the wheel and turned into a parking space herself. I would've scolded her but I was too busy laughing at her excitement.

"Rach what's with you?" I questioned as she hopped out of the car and started rushing me inside. "Why are you so excited?" Rachel pulled me by the hand inside the quiet and comfy restaurant. We spotted Sam and Mercedes immediately. They were laughing and cheerfully waving us over. It was clear now that Sam really didn't need help; he was just being a nervous idiot.

"Hey guys!" Sam exclaimed standing up and pulling the chair for Rachel to sit down. He tried to pull out my chair for me.

"Do that and I'm punch you in the nuts." Sam raised his arms defensively and sat back down next to Mercedes. "How'd you find this place? I thought Eddy's was always the go to place."

"It is, but since I'm taking you three ladies out-." I raised my hand in front of his face to cut him off.

"You're hardly taking us all out Gigolo…ignore everything I say to Sam, we're just good friends it' sorta my job to give him shit about everything." I explained to Mercedes who chuckled along with Rachel.

"Don't worry, that's what friends are for. I'll bet if I looked a hot mess Rachel would tell me…well maybe she'd get Kurt to tell me." I'd forgotten that Mercedes was closer to Kurt than Rachel. I hadn't talked to him in awhile and quite frankly maybe I could use his advice. He was the only out kid at the school after all.

"Don't worry you've got great style, it's me I have to worry about." I started. We all ordered together, three pizzas, and one vegetarian. Once we'd ordered Mercedes urged me to continue. "See the thing is there's like this strange level of honor and individuality associated with clothes. Like Mercedes you are super fly, Rachel you're classy, Sam you're an idiot, and I'm just plain. I sort of like that but sort want to go back to my old style."

"What was your old style?" Rachel questioned sipping her water. I could've responded to that simply, just by telling them that my old style was rainbow centric. I literally had a rainbow on at all times in some form, that was back during a time when I was proud, now it just doesn't seem like things would ever be like they used to be.

"A little more creative." I said with a smirk.

"So mysterious." Mercedes joked waving her hands in front of her face like a magician. "Look girl, you should know that stuff is spreading around the school like wildfire."

"Stuff like what?" Sam questioned getting defensive.

"Chill Sam, it is what it is." I replied nonchalantly. "Plus I bet people are going around saying all kinds of crazy shit about everyone. At least they're talking."

"You're a saint." Rachel said looking at me adoringly.

"Not quite." I whispered so that only Rachel could hear. "Anyhow Mercedes, did you like the song Sam and I sang?" Mercedes grin widened.

"Oh I loved it. You both were amazing." Even though she said _both_ she was looking at Sam the whole time. I turned to Rachel and pretended to stick my finger down my throat, and I muffled a gagging noise. Rachel giggled and we both had to cover our mouths to prevent us from cracking up.

"You wanna hear something funny?" I asked Mercedes. She leaved forward towards me and nodded eagerly.

"Yeah of course!" The food arrived and we all ate at least one slice before I continued.

"Sam, go ahead and tell her your nickname." Sam flushed red and glared at me.

"First off, it's not my nickname _Sanni_." I kicked Sam under the table and he yelped in pain. Rachel turned towards me.

"I didn't know Sam had a nickname. I've only thought of calling him Sammy." Rachel said.

"Yeah Sam, I didn't know you had a nickname." Mercedes interjected.

"Well get ready to write it down. I came up with this while we were hanging out last week, it's pure gold: Trouty Mouth." I was lucky Rachel and Mercedes didn't have water in their mouths, because they both burst out into laughter. All I could do was bite back a huge grin while Sam glared at wearing a damp and unamused expression. "Oh come on Trouty, I mean look at that mouth of yours!"

"Santana, despite the fact that the nickname is humorous, you can't just make fun of someone like that. It's not nice." Rachel scolded.

"No Sam totally likes it; he just didn't want me to say it in front of Mercedes." Sam's face reddened even more. "Mercedes, you can't resist that Trouty Mouth right? No one can, it's your trademark, you gotta go with it."

"You ought to be my manager." Sam joked as he grabbed another slice of pizza.

"Yeah and first order of business would be getting you to never say the word _ought_ again." Sam gave me a fake smile and kicked me back under the table. I rubbed my knee and locked eyes with him, just so he would know that I'd get him back later.

"So Santana, what's with you being friends with Brittany Pierce and Quinn Fabray?" Suddenly Rachel's eyes were totally focused on me after Mercedes asked this question.

"We aren't really friends, Brittany's nice and Quinn gives me a hard time, that's the limit of it all." Rachel reached her hand under the table and squeezed my thigh to get my attention. I turned towards her and she just looked at me unfazed and unsure.

"Alright well be careful with them." Mercedes warned.

"I'm not gonna get sucked into their whole popularity bullshit scouts honor." Sam and I put up three fingers on our left hand and saluted in unison.

"You guys are just too much, how have you only been friends for two months? It seems like you've been friends for longer." Mercedes said as she watched the interaction between Sam and me.

"Tell her your theory." I encouraged Sam, but he just shook his head 'no'. "Tell her asshole." I playfully urged him further.

"Fine." Sam said. "I think that Santana and I siblings in a past life. I think my name might have been Tony and she might have been Francesca." Mercedes looked in between us both.

"I could totally see that. You with a top hat or something and Santana in a nice dress." I rolled my eyes at Mercedes comment and Rachel nudged me for being, what she considered, rude.

"You're pushing it, you're pushing it Mercedes." I said with a sly grin.

"I'm gonna make you wear a dress soon." Rachel promised.

"Dream on!" Sam and I said in unison. We turned towards one another simultaneously and high fived. Trouty Mouth will always be my brother from another mother.

…

"Sam really didn't need us there." Rachel said as I pulled into Rachel's driveway. "He was charming the whole time, even when you were obviously trying to trip him up." I chuckled and turned off my car.

"That was my job, that's what friends do." I informed Rachel. We were now standing outside of my car, I was shivering slightly from the cold and Rachel was bundled up in her new winter coat.

"Do you ever have a coat? Seriously, you worry me when you're always shivering like that." I rolled my eyes because Rachel would be worried about that. "Come inside, or I'll come over. I've got nothing to do so we could just hang around."

"Yeah I'll come over…just wait one second." I reached into my car and grabbed a pack of cigarettes. I pulled my lighter out of my pocket. I struggled with lighting the damn thing because the wind was picking up, but I managed to light it. Rachel just watched me smoke for a bit. "Take a picture it'll last longer." She had been staring and to be honest it was just making me uncomfortable.

"I don't understand why you smoke, it's bad for you." I shrugged and took another drag.

"Hey don't be mad at me because you want to try it." Rachel rolled her eyes and grabbed the cigarette out of my mouth and tossed it on her concrete driveway. She stomped down on the burning embers and ground her heel into the butt.

"I would never try that." She assured me. "My father's are going to be so upset. They'll be able to smell you from a mile away. Why couldn't you just smoke earlier so maybe we could stop by and grab some air freshener or something?"

"Stop complaining jeez…what do you want me to do now?" We were standing in Rachel's garage and she looked really worried. "You want me to go in naked, they'll smell the smoke on my clothes."

"No it's fine, just come on." Rachel grabbed my hand and we ran upstairs to her room. "You are such trouble."

"I've been known to be a trouble maker." I said jumping on Rachel's bed like it was mine.

"Oh yeah right! You're not really a trouble maker." Rachel said lacking the conviction she needed to know whether or not what I said was really true or not.

"Once in Cali, my friend Ritz and I, spray painted the entire side of our school with pictures of our alter egos. His was _Oscar_ _Pico _and mine was _Rosemary Pinup_. We got arrested the next day, my dad was so pissed, but we got out of the whole thing because the principle decided that he actually liked the mural." Rachel's eyes widened.

"You're lying!"

"Am not! I swear it happened, even I couldn't make up something like that." Rachel stood in front of me and smiled.

"Who is Ritz? I don't remember you ever mentioning him."

"He's just my best friend…was I guess. I sorta pushed him away for awhile, but he understood. We're cool now I guess."

"Some people are three dimensional, but you…you've got many more sides than that." Rachel said quietly. Rachel walked over to her desk and pressed her palms down and looked at herself in the mirror. I slowly stood, I didn't know what I was doing but my body did. I walked behind Rachel and placed my arms on either side of her, our bodies were pressed together, and it seemed like the reflection looking back at us were two different people. My nose brushed by Rachel's neck and my lips grazed her earlobe before my chin gently pressed down on Rachel's shoulder.

"Beautiful." I whispered as I looked at Rachel's reflection.

"Not like you." Rachel whispered back. She turned around so that she was facing me, my arms still on either side of her body, we were only inches apart. I leaned in closer. "Don't." Rachel said stopping me.

"Why not?" I whispered back. Her eyes stayed on my lips for a few moments before returning back to my eyes.

"Because it'll change everything." Rachel said looking away from me. I felt disappointment, but not so much so that I backed away. I moved my hands to her hips and let my thumbs play with her him of her sweater, occasionally feeling Rachel's warm skin beneath. "Santana I'm afraid of change."

"Just…try not to push me away; even those times when I push you away…don't let me." She didn't look at me, but she nodded. I didn't have to say anything else. I never had to speak again, it was the first time in my life that I wanted someone to care that much about me to hold on to me. It was the first moment when I realized that I could never just be alone in this world. I didn't just like Rachel; I had to have her, because without her in my life, I just didn't feel complete.

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	23. Chapter 23

**There's a lot of Quinn and Santana friendship interaction here. There's also a small Pezberry moment. Hopefully you guys like this chapter, because I like it. Enjoy. Read and Review. **

"Why are you avoiding me?" I opened my locker but it was immediately slammed shut by an enraged Quinn. I could sense the tension, but I didn't want to push things. I realized awhile ago that I didn't actually hate Quinn; it was just annoying that she always got what she wanted. I knew she's confused and I've been there so I know how it feels. We could actually be friends if we tried.

"I'm not avoiding you." I assured her.

"You've been ignoring my texts, you won't sit with me at lunch, and every time I see you in the hallway you go the other way. I may not be as smart as you but I know that's what people refer to as _avoidance_." Why did she have to be so dramatic?

"I promised Rachel that you and I wouldn't…you know…" I looked around and saw that the hallway was quickly clearing. Quinn looked around to but then her eyes quickly connected with mine again. "Look I'm cool with us being friends, and I really hope you are too."

"Why did you promise the dwarf that?" Quinn questioned suddenly seeming more interested in my motives than the fact that we wouldn't be hooking up anymore. "Oh god!" She placed her hand on my shoulder for support and she began laughing like a maniac. "No…seriously?"

"Seriously what?" I questioned, trying to brush her off.

"You like _Berry_." Quinn began laughing more and I covered her mouth with my hand. "Wow, I can't say that I'm not a little surprised. I thought you had better tastes…namely me." I rolled my eyes.

"Can you just shut up?"

"What's wrong? You embarrassed about liking a freak? I would be too! Santana you could do better-."

"Stop will you? Honestly, I don't need advice from you of all people." I informed her. I tried to walk away but Quinn gripped my arm tightly, pulling me to a complete halt.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Quinn retorted.

"I think you know-." I didn't want to say it, and I wasn't going to if I had the option. Quinn and I were just at different places in our lives. Sure I wasn't out to everyone but I also wasn't denying who I was. Quinn was in the closet she was far in the closet, and she was one of those girls who would probably never come out, her reputation meant everything to her. "It's none of my business, who am I to judge you?"

"You're right you shouldn't judge me." Quinn started. "But if you were to judge me…what would you say?" She wanted the truth. She wanted honesty. For the first time I saw something in her. She was just scared, and that was alright. Not everyone was fearless; actually I don't think anyone is.

"I would say…" I couldn't finish, at least not here. I didn't want to talk to her with her cheerleading uniform on and her hair up in a tight ponytail, ridged as can be. I didn't want to talk, not like this. If we were going to be honest with one another, as friends, we didn't need to put up barriers. "Meet me at my house after cheerleading practice…don't ask me why, just do, okay?" She nodded.

"You're not going to kill me are you?" She joked, commenting on my serious demeanor.

"No actually…I think I'm going to help you."

…...

"Hey Rachel." I think I might have startled her, based on the way she flinched in her seat, but she kept a concealed smile on her face. I stared at her directly into those gorgeous eyes until she grinned openly. She was alone in the room, Mrs. Corcoran's room; and clearly busy with some school work.

"Santana, I'm supposed to be working on something…you're going to distract me." I jogged over to the teacher's desk and stole a sliding chair. I pushed it a few feet before jumping on it and riding clear across the room coming to a full stop right next to Rachel.

"What are you working on?" I snatched the paper off the desk and glanced over it. It was an English worksheet on _The Sun Also Rises_ by Ernest Hemingway. Rachel had about half of it left and I was way too bored to just sit here and wait for her to finish. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a pen. Against Rachel's wishes and hilarious protests, I began scribbling down the answers.

"Santana! Stop it! That's cheating!" She tried to grab the paper but I pulled it just out of reach. I kicked my feet hard on the ground causing the chair I was in to slide all the way to the corner beyond the teacher's desk.

"_What is your opinion of Brett_?" I asked her reading the question right off of the worksheet.

"I dunno, she's supposed to be beautiful and Jake can't seem to get past that." Rachel said with slight uncertainty.

"Brett is a sexy, beautiful, androgynous slut. The whole bullfighting metaphor in the book…yep the bull is Brett, bringing down humanity." Rachel rolled my eyes immediately when I said the word _slut_ which only encouraged me more.

"You'd better not right the word slut on that worksheet!" Rachel said standing up and heading towards me.

"Yeah you'd better not." Rachel and I both looked over towards the door where Mrs. Corcoran was standing with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Shit." I blurted out.

"Santana, what are you doing?" Mrs. Corcoran asked trying to hold back a smile. I grinned and did a quick spin in the chair. "You are a troublemaker. Rachel be sure to stay away from this kid." She joked.

"Rachel knows I'm dragging her to the dark side Mrs. Corcoran."

"It's Miss not Mrs. I'm not married." She informed us. "Rachel are you done with that worksheet? Or should I ask Santana?" The worksheet was still in my hand, so there was no wiggling my way out of this one. I thought it would be awkward being in the room, especially knowing what I do, but instead I could see the joy in Ms. Corcoran's eyes. She loved seeing her daughter, she just loved her.

"All done!" I exclaimed handing the paper over to Ms. Corcoran who rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry Ms. Corcoran-."

"Don't be sorry Rachel. At least you got help from Santana; she actually knows what's going on in the class unlike some of your other classmates." I chuckled to myself thinking about how I saw Brittany eating _Lucky Charms_ out of a shoe yesterday during the discussion.

"That's her way of saying I'm a freakin genius." I said sliding the chair around Rachel.

"No you've just got a big ego." Rachel retaliated. "I don't know how I deal with you." Rachel directed towards me in a playful manner. "Will you help me with my math after school?" Rachel asked.

"Are you seeing this Ms. Corcoran? First she insults me and then asks for my help, deplorable." Rachel smacked me on the shoulder and we all laughed. "Actually I'm busy right after school, tomorrow at school I'll help." Rachel nodded and began gathering the rest of her stuff.

"Alright, now please tell me you're willing to go pig out with me because I am starving." Ms. Corcoran and I exchanged glances, both gushing over Rachel for different reasons.

"Sure Rach, let's go."

…

"Would you please tell me why we're here? Seriously, I don't do well with deserted areas-." She kicked a rock over the edge of the steep hill. "-or cliffs." I looked at what she was wearing for the second time tonight. She had on skin tight red jeans, a fitted t-shirt, converses, and her hair was down. She was a totally different person now than she was at school.

"I realized what your deal is." She turned towards me.

"And what might that be?" She deadpanned.

"You're a fucking control freak." I informed her. "That's why you jumped on me from the start. You saw that I was new and you wanted to make sure I knew my place. If you had your way then the whole damn word would stay like high school forever. You're terrified of change." She didn't look convinced, but at least she was listening.

"Everyone's afraid of change." She defended.

"No, most people actually embrace it. Their lives are so fucked that anything to change it is actually something beautiful. Your problem is that your life is too perfect, everything planned down to the T."

"There's nothing wrong with a perfect life, that's what everyone wants. That's what you want?" No I didn't want everything to be perfect, I just wanted my mom back, I just wanted a second chance to understand Kenzie.

"Don't you see the key issue here?" She shook her head. "Your life _is_ perfect but you _aren't_."

"Neither are you!" She snapped.

"Yeah no shit." I mumbled. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a cigarette lighting it up in a matter of seconds. "I've got a solution though."

"You can't fix imperfections." She explained to me. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out barber's shears. "What are you going to do, cut off my fingers until I'm so imperfect that I'm perfect?" I took a long drag of my cigarette and nearly choked from laughter.

"Nope…I'm just gonna change you." She still looked confused. She was confused when I walked behind her and ran my hand through her hair.

"No! No fucking way! You are not cutting my hair!" I chuckled to myself. "Are you insane? Seriously! What kind of cigarettes are those?" Now I was in a full on fit of laughter.

"I'm not crazy. Look cutting your hair isn't just for shits and giggles, you're gonna do it because it's a beautiful change. It'll make you someone else than Quinn Fabray. It's one change, but it'll make you less afraid of who you are." Her eyes lit up at the possibility. She was curious now, but not fully convinced. "Come on sit over there." She obeyed and sat down on the end of the cliff. "Don't worry I'm a professional." I sat down behind her, with my legs on either side of her body, and only hanging slightly over the cliff.

"You're not gonna make me look like a freak are you?" She questioned as I grabbed a bunch of her hair and readied the shears.

"No, I swear." She placed her hand on my knee and I could feel her body tense in anticipation. "Trust me weirdo." She chuckled and I cut the first clump of hair. "Whoops."

"What? Did you fuck up?" I broke out again into a fit of laughter.

"No, chill it was a joke." Quinn reached back and smacked me hard on my thigh. I rubbed the sore spot and then continued to cut her hair to a medium length shaggy style. When I was done we just sat there for awhile.

"It would be real cool if we could jump down the cliff just for some crazy adrenaline." Quinn said resting her head against my chest.

"Thelma and Louise, suicide trip." I responded. "You should just say it."

"Say what?" She questioned curiously. I don't know why she was asking, because she knew. She defiantly knew, she was just afraid. I began to slide away from Quinn and try to get up to a seated position. Quinn grumbled, but didn't object when I reached down and scooped her up to her feet.

"Look no one is around except me. This place is fucking deserted. You've got the clouds and darkness to hide you. Say it." Quinn was facing me now, nervous and moved. She tried to open her mouth to speak, but she didn't.

"If I say it then…then it becomes something real. I don't know if I'll be strong enough to deal with it." This took me back to California years ago, I was in Quinn's shoes and Kenzie was standing in front of me just like this. Kenzie knew what to say and how to say it, just to push me far enough to accept myself.

"You don't have to deal with it, I'm here." I walked towards the edge of the cliff. "Look I'll go first." I opened my arms wide and opened my mouth. "I'm Santana Lopez! And I'm gay!" I shouted it loud enough to hear the echoes through the mountains off in the distance.

"This is ridiculous." Quinn said walking over and standing next to me. "This is stupid."

"You're just chicken." I taunted. "Chicken, chicken, chicken!" She shoved me and I nearly toppled over, but regained my balance at the last moment.

"I'm not afraid." She assured me before taking a step forward. "I'm gay." She said loud enough to be heard, but not even close to the volume that I'd reached.

"Come on wimp, you sound so delicate…like a fucking bird. Say it like you mean it!"

"I'm gay!" She shouted louder.

"Louder!" I urged her.

"I'm gay! I'm gay! I'm gay!" She screamed with a huge grin on her face.

"And…?"

"I'm gay and I'm fucking proud!"


	24. Chapter 24

"Wow." I turned to my side and caught a glimpse of Rachel standing there with a shocked expression on her face.

"Wow what Rach?" I questioned curiously.

"Have you seen-." Rachel didn't have time to finish because Quinn jumped in between us. She had one of those annoying grins on her face, and her hair was shaggy, sexy, and messy. I loved it on her, and by the way she was walking with a little more swag, she loved it too.

"I'm the talk of the school Lopez." She said running a hair through her hair, actually messing it up even more. "I guess I should be thanking you."

"Why would you thank Santana for your…hair?" Rachel inquired.

"She's the one who butchered me. Looks good doesn't it? It feels so damn freeing." Quinn told Rachel. "I've been hyper about it all day. I literally owe you the world Santana." Without warning she wrapped her arms around me into a friendly hug. She pulled back and glanced over at Rachel.

"Don't get all sappy with me Fabray." I joked. Quinn leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"Don't wait for her." She whispered looking at Rachel again and then back at me. I understood what she meant, but I didn't think she'd ever give me advice on the matter. She knew exactly how much Rachel meant to me with me even telling her.

Quinn turned like she was about to leave, but then turned back. "Wait, how'd your parents take the hair? Did they flip?" Quinn chuckled.

"Let me tell you something. If I went back there looking like this, I'd be at rehab right now. I crashed at Britts last night."

"I've got your back if you need it. I'll take the fall for you-."

"Bullshit, don't even think about it. Look you and I are cool." Quinn nodded as if the whole thing was nothing. Maybe by helping her I could've actually made things worse. I didn't want her to get shit from her parents, I wasn't even trying to force her to come out, she'd do that on her own terms. This was all about acceptance and that's what made it so beautiful. "And you know what Rachel? You're damn lucky to have a friend like this asshole over here." I brushed Quinn off even though I was thoroughly enjoying her small plug in for me.

"Alright that's enough Quinn, run along you little punk." Quinn punched me in the arm and I took it with a grin.

"All fun and games until I really get pissed and fuck you up Lopez." I mouthed 'bring it on', and Quinn rolled her eyes. "I'll catch you later. Bye Santana, bye Rachel."

"What has gotten into her? One night and you guys are suddenly best friends?" Rachel sounded just as jealous and she was curious.

"I set her free." I joked playfully nudging Rachel. "Meet me in my garage tonight…I've got a surprise."

"Santana, I have homework and ballet and-."

"Meet me at ten, if you show then I'll know you believe in me. If you show then I'll believe in you too."

…

I sat on my motorcycle. I held my helmet delicately in my hand. It was past ten, actually it was closer to eleven, but I still held out hope. Quinn was right, Rachel wasn't going to wait for me, she didn't know how I felt about her, so it was really all on me to show her. We couldn't do this at my house or even at hers, this was something special, she was someone special, and I had to prove that to her.

I heard the quick shuffling and then suddenly Rachel was standing in front of me. I could tell that she'd just gotten home from ballet, because of the light bead of sweat gracing her forehead. She had changed though, into pants, which was a rarity, and a loose fitting sweater.

"Can't believe you actually showed up." I said with a huge grin.

"You underestimate me." She watched as I pushed my motorcycle out of my garage and closed the garage door once we were fully outside.

"Only one true test of your fearlessness." I said holding out the helmet for her to take. She stared at it for a second; I could tell that she was thinking about it. "If you're afraid it's a good thing…but if you don't trust me then-."

"No I trust you." She grabbed the helmet and I helped her put it on. I smiled and took off my leather jacket putting that on her too. I was in a t-shirt on a cool fall night and it felt amazing. I slung my leg over the seat and sat down first. Rachel followed my movements, and I waited until I felt her hands on my sides.

"No, not like that. Like this-." I grabbed her right hand and pulled it all the way around my stomach, and I did the same with her left hand. I reached back and pulled out my helmet that I'd snagged for only fourteen bucks last week. "Safety first." I said before speeding off.

I drove faster than I normally would. I just enjoyed the feeling of Rachel's arms around me. She was scared but not terrified. "Where are we going?" She yelled when we reached a stop light.

I didn't answer her because I wanted to surprise her. I'd found this route the first day that I drove my bike. Lima was further south than I thought, actually it was so far south that it only took about forty minutes to reach West Virginia. That's where we were going; Rachel just didn't know it yet.

I really had thought about writing something out to say to her though. I really did think that I had to make things perfect, and then I remember, perfection was a false reality. I was flawed and that's just the way things were.

I parked in an open area by the highway. I didn't realize that this was the tail end of a dead end until one time I drove further and nearly went off a cliff. There was a barley visible sign about three hundred feet ahead, but I know that wasn't what Rachel saw. She was a romantic, by nature, that was just who she was. She took off her helmet and looked up at the sky. "Where are we?"

"You wanna be a star don't you? You want to change the world, am I right?" She continued staring up at the night sky, but she did nod. I didn't say anything; I didn't even tell her that she could remove her arms from my body, because I'd never been more comfortable in my life.

"It's what everyone wants Santana, it doesn't make me special." I chuckled to myself and placed my helmet on the handlebar of my bike. I stood up and offered my hand to Rachel to help her off. She took my hand and we began slowly strolling in the direction of that sign.

"You are special." I told her honestly. I stopped suddenly and Rachel bumped into me.

"Why'd you stop?" She questioned looking ahead into the distance. I grabbed her hands and made her stand right in front of me. I made her stand with her legs a shoulder's distance wide and I grinned from ear to ear. "What are you so smiley about? What are we doing?"

"Look up, look straight up towards the stars." She did and we both stood there looking straight up like a bunch of idiots. "Stars are incredible, they're unique and absolutely beautiful, don't you agree?"

"Yeah of course." Rachel said. "But I don't understand-."

"But a star can't be in two places at once." She gave me a puzzle expression. I nodded towards the sign behind her and she dropped her hands to her side and spun. "You, Miss Rachel Berry, are more amazing than a star."

"Why are you doing this for me?" She asked turning towards me with visible tears in her eyes. I didn't want to upset her; I was just trying to make her feel…like I did towards her. Why wouldn't the words just come out?

"To show you how special you are-."

"You could've done that passing by me in the hallway. Why here? Why now?" I took one step closer, but not two, I didn't know if she was fearful in this moment. She trusted me enough to take her out here, but not enough to let things just be. She had to have an explanation for everything.

"Why are we afraid of this?"

"Afraid of what Santana? I don't know what you're talking about." She said as if she was so sure of herself.

"You know what I'm talking about, and if you didn't, you wouldn't be crying right now." She wiped her face clean of tears. "Dammit!" I snapped turning away from her and kicking a rock off the road and into a ditch.

"What's wrong?"

"Why did you have to push me away? We both want this, so why?" Didn't she see that we had something here?

"I told you why I couldn't kiss you-."

"Because you were afraid of change, yeah I know but-…that wouldn't be a bad change, right?" My voice got softer and I turned to look at her. She'd gotten so close now, her hands were resting gently on my hips, and she was looking up at me through those big eyes of hers.

"I want things to be simple." Rachel said stepping on inch closer to me.

"So let's make this simple." I brushed her hair back behind her ear. "Kiss me." Her eyes shot up to mine and she tried to look away but I held her face in place with my hand gentle touching her chin.

"Santana I-."

"Just kiss me." She flung her arms around my neck and pulled herself up high enough to capture my lips. It was sweet but passionate and for a moment I was convinced that we could stay like this forever, but she pulled back. She stepped away from me pressed her hand to her lips like I'd just poisoned her.

"What?"

"I feel ashamed-."

"Why?" I asked trying to regain my composure.

"I want to do that again…it felt-." She didn't have to say it I wrapped her in my arms and kissed her again. This time without holding back. I tasted her peach lip-gloss. I nibbled down gently on her bottom lip and darted my tongue into her warm mouth tasting every inch that I could reach, I needed her right now, I wanted her so badly. "Wait, Santana…just wait. We're supposed to be friends."

"Rach, come on, we're past the _friends_ stage, and you know it." Why was she resisting this so damn much? "Look you mean something to me, which is why I'm not going to push this...but I know you feel something for me."

"I do." She said looking back at the sign behind her. "I could never deny that but…you have to let me take this slow.

"Whatever you need." I promised her. "I swear Rachel whatever you need." I dropped down to my knees and held her hands in mine. "I swear anything, anything."

"Santana!" Rachel said between giggles. It was hard for me to be on my knees in front of her without cracking a smile myself. "Get up! You're so lucky no one is around to see this."

"Anything you want Rach, anything. You don't even have to walk on the ground anymore." I jumped up to my feet and scooped her up easily off the ground. Her natural reaction was to just wrap her arms around my neck, while she kicked and protested, trying to get me to let her down.

"You let me down this instant Santana Rosa Lopez!" I was impressed that she remembered how to roll the 'r' like I'd taught her, but there was no way I was going to let her down.

"No way munchkin." I said playfully.

"Excuse me! Did you just say munchkin? Oh you're so lucky I'm a pacifist otherwise I'd kick your butt missy."

"Yeah Rach, I'm real scared."

**Review Please**


	25. Chapter 25

"What the fuck is your problem?" I slammed my fist down on the kitchen table. I pulled out a chair, intending to sit down, but I just slammed it back about the wooden table and stood there waiting. I couldn't quite tell what I was waiting for, but I did know it would never come. This was insane; this whole damn situation was insane.

That was the story of my life. The story of _my _life. Not my damn fucking _father's _life. Sure he was a miserable drunk, but he'd always been able to balance himself. It was all about composure and balance with him, but not today. Today he didn't control himself, and it wasn't because of booze, it was because of Mr. Fabray, and that fucked up congressional church that my dad had been attending for the past few weeks.

It was all fine, my dad worked with Mr. Berry, they were actually pretty close, from what I'd heard, which was part of the reason this was so shocking to me. My problem was that I'd stayed over Rachel's house too late tonight and for once my dad cared enough to come and find me. This of all nights, when he was drunk, this of all damn nights.

_**Flashback**_:

"_Rachel, sorry for taking you home so late…are your dads pissed?" We listened for moment, trying to hear Rachel's father's hushed whispers downstairs. I was leaning up against the threshold of Rachel's door, watching her lay down on her stomach starring ahead at me._

"_It's a school night, they're not pissed at you but they're probably trying to figure out where we were." Rachel replied coolly._

"_Why can't they just ask?" Rachel chuckled and rolled her eyes. I suddenly felt like I was missing something important, but I couldn't figure it out. Rachel was still wearing my jacket, but I didn't ask her for it back, she looked cute in it and I loved it on her. _

"_They think we're all delinquents. They'll ask me tomorrow and no matter what I say, they'll think I'm lying." I knew the feeling my father could be the same way. "You can stay over tonight if you want." I wanted to, but we both knew that wasn't a good idea._

"_Rach-."_

"_Sorry, that was stupid of me. You and I aren't…we'd regret it if something happened and we weren't ready." She was right that's why I nodded._

"_Don't say sorry." I told her. We heard frantic knocking at the door and then the doorbell ringing rapidly. I looked out the door and towards the steps wondering who the hell would be at the Berry's door this late at night. "Who the hell is that? Expecting some late night company?" Rachel shook her head 'no' and I watched the taller of the Berry men walk to the door, peer through the peephole, and open the front door. _

_At first I could only see feet and then suddenly there was my father, not wobbling but clearly drunk and he brushed past and into the house. Luckily he neglected to look up otherwise I would've been the first thing he saw. _

"_Mr. Lopez how are you? Are you looking for-."_

"_Where the hell is my daughter Leroy?" Plastered. He wasn't supposed to leave the house when he was like this. "And who the hell is this?" I heard quiet shuffling and then Mr. Hiram Berry must have stood up because I saw my father's eyes twitch._

"_Hi Mr. Lopez, my name is Hiram I don't believe we've had the pleasure." I could feel it in the silence. It was sinking in for my father. He must not have known that they were gay, it must have just sunk in now. He was shocked, but mostly, he must have been angry. _

"_Rach, put on your pajamas and go to bed. Don't come downstairs." She nodded and I bolted out the door and ran downstairs, just in time to grip my father's shoulder to secure him in place. I'd never actually seen him hit anyone, but I didn't know if things would suddenly change now. _

"_Santana you never told me that they were a bunch of-." He looked confused and angry and I just wanted to throw him through the door and outside. He was being a bigot, a fucking idiot. _

"_Shut up." I muttered trying to pull him back. "Can we go home now?" I asked._

"_Santana is everything okay? You and Rachel were out sort of late." Leroy, was so calm in the face of actual danger. I gave him a look as if I wanted to yell 'just let us go'. We could have this conversation in the morning._

"_Everything is fine, we just lost track of time…look it won't happen again." I glanced at my dad and watched as his face scrunched up in confusion. _

"_You could stay the night maybe, we've got a guest room-." I saw where this was going, and this was Hiram Berry's only mistake of the night. I know he was trying to help me, my dad was drunk and everyone knew at this point. _

"_Are you suggestion that I can't take care of my own damn daughter? Like she's better off with you two." It was so disgusting. Just the way those words came out of his mouth. **You two**. Lie they were monsters or something._

"_Dad daddy." I look up to see Rachel standing there with her pajamas on, looking down at all of us. Her eyes locked with mine and I hoped she could see how angry I was. I told her to go to bed, but of course she had to be so damn stubborn. _

"_Rach, go back upstairs." It was a gentle demand, but she didn't budge. "Dad come on let's go." I said through clenched teeth. _

"_Santana I actually think it would be best if you stayed over." Hiram Berry deserved a prize for being this brave but also a smack across the face for being this persistent. _

_I reached back and opened the front door, trying to ignore the Berrys as much as I could. "I'll see you all tomorrow, sorry for bringing her back late." My father was already outside and I only had one foot inside. "I'll text you if I have to." Rachel knew what that meant. If anything went wrong she'd be the first to know. _

**End Flashback**

And that was why I was standing here in the middle of my kitchen about to tear my father's head off right now. "What did I tell you about spending time over there? Now I for damn sure know why you never talk about them."

"I don't talk about them because you never asked. You're the dumb asshole who works with Leroy and you didn't even know he had a husband at home, that's not my fault." I turned away from him and started my breathing routine. This was going to be damn near impossible to get through if he was standing there but I had to try.

"If I had known they were a bunch of fucking faggots then maybe a lot of things would be different. Starting with you staying away from their daughter." He walked over to the refrigerator and reached for another beer. He opened it quickly and took a few gulps before exhaling quietly.

"Oh you wish that was the problem."

"What does that mean?" He questioned angrily.

"If the problem was that they were fags then this would be a lot easier. But that's not a problem, I'm a fucking queer too and you don't give me shit about that." I shoved my hands into my pockets. "It's about mom isn't it?" He didn't respond, which let me know that I was right. "It's because they're happy and you're not."

"That's the reason for the drinking not the…" He didn't finish his thoughts he just took another sip of cold beer.

"The drinking and joining the church, you're looking for a way out. Pretty fucked up options right?" He didn't respond again, and I sort of felt like I was talking to myself. I thought back to just an hour ago, with Rachel in my arms, I loved her touch; it was the most beautiful moment of my life. And now this. He couldn't just explain it away, the Berry clan was going to know that my dad was a drunk, and they weren't just going to let it go.

"What were you doing out late like that?"

"Just went for a spin-."

"You just went for a spin. For a fucking spin…just for a damn spin." He was repeating it like a mantra. He was so angry right now, and I didn't understand why. What could possibly be so wrong with Rachel, that he actually despised her? "I don't want you hanging around her anymore." I stifled a laugh, but then turned angry when I realized he wasn't joking.

"Dad, seriously? You're not going to keep me away from her." I informed him.

"I'm in charge in this house."

"You can barely fucking walk a straight line. And I'm telling you that I like her and I'm not staying away from her." I responded defiantly. "She's _not_ Kenzie."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're afraid that if I get too close to someone then they're automatically Kenzie to me. Well she's not." I assured him. "Don't make this so dramatic dad-."

"I'm not! Just…you know I don't want to see you hurt like that again." That was the true Lopez spirit, always circling around the issue until we get so angry that there is no avoiding it. "You saw too many things that you shouldn't have and…and your brother-."

"Stop I get it. We can do a prayer circle for my fucked up life later just…I'm going to be okay." He didn't believe me and neither did I, but I just exited the kitchen and ran upstairs to my room. I flicked on my light and glanced out my window over to Rachel's room. I could see her so I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone.

**[to Rachel]: **_I can't believe my dad did that._

**[from Rachel]: **_My fathers are downstairs talking about it all. You should've just stayed over here. Everything is okay? Santana, don't lie to me._

**[to Rachel]: **_We just had a shitty fight, classic us…but everything is fine. I'd ask you not to worry but…_

**[from Rachel]: **_…you clearly know me better than that. Come over tomorrow, spend the night as well. _

I thought about it seriously this time. It wasn't like Rachel and I would end up doing anything. Especially since we both know that Rachel isn't ready for that.

**[to Rachel]: **_Okay, I need to get out of here anyway. Charlie says 'bark bark I miss that beautiful smile of yours'_

I knew Rachel was probably smiling, which could only make me smile.

**[from Rachel]: **_If I were over there I'd kiss you both. Now go to sleep young lady. Sweet Dreams San._


	26. Chapter 26

**I just realized I made a mistake. Leroy Berry is supposed to be the doctor and Hiram Berry is supposed to be the one who works at the museum. I had Leroy doing both, so I apologize for those of you who caught that. Anyway, this is the morning after of some sorts. Enjoy.**

"Rach, they're gonna look at me like I'm a special animal exhibit at the Lima Zoo." I whispered into the phone. I was looking right out the window at Rachel as she paced in her room. She had been trying to convince me to come over her house for a little over an hour now. I hadn't really budged but I did find some amusement in the way Rachel's voice got higher when she was frustrated.

"No they aren't! You don't even have to talk to them." I rolled my eyes. That was faulty logic on Rachel's part. I could already tell the different between Leroy and Hiram Berry. They were fantastic, humorous and kind, but Leroy was the male version of Rachel. He was dramatic, artsy, and sometimes oblivious. Hiram on the other hand, knew his shit; he was sarcastic and confrontational, just like me. I guess my point is that they'll both want to talk to me about last night, and I wasn't in the mood.

"Look out your window." I said watching as she pulled open her blinds further and looked up at me.

"Oh god, I didn't think you could see this well into my room-…San, you don't…how often to you look into my room." I chuckled and shrugged so that she could see. "Santana!"

"Anyhow, maybe I should just nap or something-."

"No Santana, you can come over and we can talk or…we don't have to talk…I have no idea what I'm saying anymore. I just want you over here with me." I looked back at her though my window and saw this adorable little pout on her face.

"Fine…will you feed me? I've been living on Fruit Loops and _Nutella _for the past three days." I explained as I held my phone between my ear and shoulder and I yanked off my pants and tugged on some sweatpants.

"Sure I'll make you something."

"That's my girl." I said with a grin. I searched through my drawers for a shit that said 'no my father is not an abusive drunk'. I put on a Beatles shirt and put on a black beanie.

"I'm not your girl." Rachel replied.

"Harsh, you sure you still want me to come over?" I joked. I could tell that Rachel wanted to say something mean but she held her tongue. "See you in five." I hung up the phone and put on my beat up converses and began my trek down the stairs. It was sort of eerie seeing my father the day after a fight. Usually we kept our distance but I couldn't really avoid this if he was sitting five feet in front of me and he was looking directly into my eyes.

"Where are you going?" Clearly he knew where I was going. I may have been a hot bloodied Latina but I damn sure wouldn't be going outside without a jacket on a cold day like this unless I was going over to Rachel's house.

"Let's not fight." I said simply. "It's getting old-."

"It's just a question Santana." He said quietly. "I think it'd be best if I went over there with you. I don't want you to have to explain my actions to them."

"Dad, no offense, but you've done enough." I took a few steps towards the door but stopped suddenly. "What do you think of Rachel?"

"Obviously you don't care for my approval." He said standing up.

"Fine, you're right. I'll be back in a few hours." I stormed out of the house hoping that the cold air would quell my anger. I guess I didn't really have the right to be pissed off. I'd told him about a million times that I didn't care whether he liked it or not that I was gay, but now that mom is gone, I wanted his approval.

I knocked on the door and waited for someone to open up. Secretly I hoped it was Rachel, because Lord knows I couldn't deal with the Berry men right now.

"Hi there Santana." Remind me to never hope through the Lord ever again. Hiram Berry stood in front of me, with that huge grin and he welcomed me inside. I knew I was trapped as soon as I stepped foot inside and Leroy was sitting right there with Rachel uncomfortably seated next to him on the couch. I spotted some small treats and coffee in front of a empty seat which I assume was reserved for me.

"Shit." I muttered quickly trying to turn around and evade this whole thing. Hiram wrapped his arm around my shoulder and lead me to the seat that had an electric chair sort of vibe to me. I sat down and glanced over to Rachel. "Thanks for the impromptu intervention Rachel." I was bitter and I wanted everyone to know that.

"They lied to me about this. I didn't know, nor do I approve of this." Rachel crossed her arms and legs and slumped down in the seat next to Leroy who watched his daughter in what I could only assume was amusement.

I reached for a cookie and took a bite before looking at both the Berry men. "I know this is about last night. Just…can we get this over with?"

"Certainly Santana. We'd like to make this as painless of a process as we can. If you need time or space at any point during this talk, just let us know, but we feel it is our duty to get to the bottom of this issue. As an authority figure and father myself I have to make sure that everything is safe for you." If he wasn't being so damn serious right now I would've laughed, because he had the same sort of long and drawn out way of speaking like Rachel.

"Now, we would like to know how often your father is like that." Hiram questioned.

"When he's like what? Like an asshole or drunk?" It was a joke that only I could fully appreciate. The room fell silent and I looked at Rachel for guidance. She was mortified that I would even joke about that, but I was only trying to lighten the mood. This was weird for her, but this was insane for me.

"Let's start with the drunk part." Leroy said shifting in his seat.

"Everyday, once he gets back from work. He just sits in the kitchen getting hammered. Once I actually watched him, it's was like animal planet or something." I took a sip of my coffee and added sugar to sweeten it. "Don't worry though he doesn't lay a finger on me, sorta wish he did sometimes…maybe that would make things a little more normal." Rachel looked down at the ground and I knew I was scaring her with this kind of talk.

"Santana you have to tell us if he is hurting you." I looked at Hiram whose eyes were filled with so much tension that I desperately hoped someone would slip on a banana peel soon to relieve some of it.

"I just said…he doesn't hit me, he doesn't lay a damn finger on me." They believed me, but they weren't done with me. "I don't see why Rachel has to be here for any of this."

"Because I want to be." Rachel replied.

"You're so damn stubborn." I mumbled.

"So are you." Rachel replied just as sharply. I smiled and gave her a little _touché _nod of approval. I could the shift in mood with the Berry men. They felt like they shouldn't be witnessing this between Rachel and I, but they were also dazzled by it. I'd bet they'd never met someone willing to go head to head with their daughter.

"Why is there so much tension at home?" Another laughable question from Hiram. Was he expecting a three sentence answer? I could write a damn book about the tension in my house.

"Because I'm a teenage girl and he's an asshole. We don't see eye to eye." They would've accepted what I'd said if Rachel didn't open up her _honest Abe_ mouth.

"Santana, I know you're scared, even if you'll deny it till your last breath, but my fathers are here to help you. You don't have to lie to them, just be honest." I stood up and I could see it in their eyes they thought I was going to run.

"Don't worry…I'm not going anywhere." I shoved my hands into my pockets and began slowly pacing. My breathing was so off, that I thought I was just going to pass out at any moment. It's happened before.

"Are you okay?" Leroy asked.

"I'm fine; it's just something I learned to do to calm myself down. Generally keeps me from punching people's faces in." They looked astonished and I smiled. "That was more for you guys Mr. Berry, I couldn't hit Rachel no matter how pissed I got."

"Good to know." Hiram deadpanned.

"You were the one bargaining for honesty." I gripped my cup of coffee and drank the rest. "What the hell was the question?"

"Why is there so much tension at home?" Leroy and Hiram said in unison.

"Oh right…after my mom's death, my dad and I were always at odds. She was sorta like a buffer I guess. He doesn't really approve of anything I do, just like I don't approve of anything he does. It's simple like that." Except it wasn't simple and Rachel and I were the only ones who needed to know that.

"Can I say something important?" Leroy asked.

"I really doubt I have a choice." I replied.

"You clearly need an outlet. I think that my daughter is that for you-."

"Stop right there." I said. "She's more than that to me. And I may have brought her home super late last night, but…well I'm not corrupting her to become some fucked up teenager. I'm all about the angst, she's not."

"I trust you." Hiram said. "Which is insane because we've only known you for a few months, but…what can I say something about her, right?" He looked over at Leroy and he nodded.

"I think we've put you through enough. All we can offer for consolation is dinner." I smirked and thought of saying something crude and probably offensive, but I held my tongue.

"That sounds amazing right now." I said. I waited until the Berry men exited the room and I walked over and sat down next to Rachel on the couch. She just continued staring ahead with a look of contempt on her flustered face. "What's wrong?" I asked her.

"It's none of my families business."

"It's nice to know that people care. Hey I'll trade." Even though I'd made a subtle joke Rachel still didn't smile. "Come on Rach, you can't be mad if I'm not."

"You're only saying that because you're trying to make me feel better. I know you're angry about this."

"So what if I am? It's over, and I only came over here for you anyway." She looked to my eyes but then quickly looked away. I wasn't having it, so I pulled Rachel on top of me, so that she was straddling my hips.

"Santana! What are you doing? My fathers are in the next room." I was really grateful that Rachel decided to wear a skirt today. A short skirt at that.

"All the more reason why you should hurry up and kiss me. That's what I've decided is going to be my compensation for this whole thing." Rachel tried to get off my lap but I held her in place. "I'm a hot blooded animal Rach, I've got needs." If Rachel was brave enough she would've smacked me.

"Well why don't you call up Quinn." That was a harsh jab, one I wasn't expecting, and certainly didn't need right now. "Jesus what is wrong with me? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

I yanked Rachel closer to me and kissed her hard, passionately, wishing that we were stripped naked so that our bodies could blend together. When I finally pulled back. "I don't want anyone but you."

**Review. **


	27. Chapter 27

"Your cousin Alexander called last night." My dad said as he drained the spaghetti of the water and poured it into a bowl. I wondered why the hell we always had Italian food and never had Spanish or Mexican dishes anymore. I guess it's because my mom is the only one who cared about tradition. My dad and I, we were all about breaking it.

"Oh yeah? What'd he say?" I questioned as I sat down and poured myself a cold glass of water. I wasn't really all that hungry. Rachel and I stopped at Eddy's like two hours ago and got these root beer floats and I was still sort of full from that.

"He's thinking of stopping by sometime next week-." I didn't need to hear more.

"Tell him where to shove it dad. Seriously, you know he's just coming here because he's a bum…remember last time?" It was back when we lived in California. Back before Kenzie and I were so close and my mom was still running the house. Alexander came over and stole all the money that I'd saved up from my paper route. I was fourteen then and three years later I still remember how pissed I was. My mom tore him to pieces but my dad was a total pushover about it.

"That was years ago. See your problem is you keep one damn judgment about someone in your head and you never let people change." I rolled my eyes for two reasons. One: my dad trying to be deep about anything was ridiculous. Two: my dad would forgive Alexander for anything, he was like his pet.

Truthfully he was the son he'd always wanted. There was my older brother, but he was no Alexander.

"I let people change…they just never do."

"Well if he does come then you'll need to change your attitude." I nodded but he knew I wasn't going to do shit to please anyone. "And if he asks about your brother-."

"I know, I'll lie about it…I've gotten so used to all the lies it's become second nature." My dad didn't respond and I knew I hit a nerve. He was just as embarrassed as I was about what my brother had done, but he wasn't as terrified, hurt, repulsed and furious as I was. "Not a jab at you dad, I'm just being honest about it."

"So about you and that Rachel-."

"We aren't having this conversation dad. You'd better not go there." I warned him.

"Go where? You're telling me that I can't be a true father to you for just this once. Santana it's my duty-."

"We aren't having _the talk_. The talk generally happens before the things in _the talk_ happen." I was hoping he would get the clue and understand that talking about sex with him was not on my bucket list. This was not going to happen and it never would happen.

"So you've had sex." I sort of wished that he was a little more surprised than he looked right now. But I was happy he came to that conclusion before I had to actually say it out loud.

"Alright well I'm now gonna go." I got up out of my seat and snatched my glass off the table. "Do me a favor and try to be a little less fatherly for awhile. I was sort of used to that."

…

"Whatcha lookin at?" I said popping up behind Quinn. She was startled, but not terrified. She was scared enough to punch me square in the shoulder and not feel bad about it. I hopped over the bench and plopped down next to her. She didn't budge or say something witty, she just continued staring ahead at the table of filled with jocks and Cherrios. I looked at her face, peaceful but preoccupied. Same expression I'd been wearing for a week.

Rachel and I we were cool. We were to the point of being more than friends, but not saying much about it out loud. I probably shouldn't have kissed her, but I did and it's done. It's just, I think I want to move faster than she does, and that freaks her out.

At least we're talking. Rachel has been persistent about us not being alone for too long. She's probably afraid I'm gonna jump her bones or something, which is what I would totally do. Sometimes I'd catch her watching me, she was holding back, I guess I couldn't blame her for that. "I don't know why I hang out with those people." Quinn said continuing to look at the table full of the _popular kids_. I caught a glimpse of Brittany with that confused look on her face and Puck over there clarifying something for her.

Brittany smiled and so did I. I knew it was wrong to think it, but Brittany was so much like Kenzie, that sometimes I just pretended she was her. It was stupid and not to mention insane, but having some like Kenzie here with me, made this all seem a little less terrifying. "What are you looking at?" Sucks that Quinn caught me smiling, and I could just feel it, the way her voice got super raspy and her eyes didn't leave me room to escape. She was so intense in moments like these, and I just didn't know why.

"What do you have against those kids Quinnie? I mean dammit if you're not one of them." I replied.

"Do you have to do that?" She snapped and for a second I thought she was pissed enough to just walk away, but she didn't. "You're a royal bitch sometimes."

"So you are you, except that's more like all the time." I'd grown attached to Rachel, but I loved Quinn. Not _love_ love, but more in this way where we got one another. It was like suddenly we were best friends and we didn't have to ask each other why. "Tell me what's up. Why are you suddenly reflecting on your life? Especially right here right now, in this shitty courtyard."

"You made me start thinking. Admitting to myself that I'm _gay_…it sorta made me start thinking about what else I am. Who I am actually." I didn't like this. I didn't like this at all. I know this feeling, searching and never finding where exactly you belong in the world. "I can't stay at Britts house forever…I gotta go home and when I do…how the fuck am I supposed to face my parents and keep pretending?"

"You don't have to. You could show them what a great kid they're missing out on…you could show them who you are if you could handle that." She didn't respond to that. The look in her eyes was captivating. It was more than just an irritated glare; she was frustrated about something else. "Who is it? Which girl?" I guess I was really the only person that would be able to tell with Quinn. She liked someone.

"Oh please…like I'd go for one of those bitches over there. You're insane if you think that." She was right; Quinn wouldn't go for a bitch that's why she couldn't handle me. Opposites attract right? That's what they always say.

"That's cause she's not a bitch…it's Britt…fuck." It was a sudden wave of emotion. As I was speaking I didn't know what I was even saying until I came to that realization. It was luck and I hit the nail on the head. Quinn was blushing like a maniac and she jumped up from the bench and began walking back towards the football field. It took a second for it to register in my brain that I should follow and I did.

"I'm crazy…I'm out of my damn mind." Quinn said rapidly. She wasn't running but she was walking a lot faster than I was.

"Holy fuck this is awesome. A little creepy though, the two most fuckable blondes in the school-." Quinn reached down and grabbed a rock chucking it at me but missing by a mile.

"Stop I don't know if I…" She didn't or couldn't finish.

"Hey wait come on! Talk to me." I said skipping up and landing perfectly in stride with her. "It's not like this is bad, you like her, she's sweet and funny, what's wrong with that. I mean I know she's not your first crush because I mean hey." It was meant to be funny but Quinn didn't even crack a smile.

"It's wrong; she's supposed to be my best friend." Quinn exclaimed.

"It's not wrong, crushing on your best friend is not wrong." I took Quinn's hand and forced her to stop. I was afraid that if she didn't stop walking we'd end up somewhere in Michigan by tonight. "Why are you so freaked out? You've already accomplished the hard part, so what the hell do you have to be afraid of?"

"Rejection." She said simply.

"Brittany is not going to reject you-."

"Look you don't understand. No one has ever rejected me…I sound like a jerk but it's true. You were the first, my parents are about to be the second…and it Brittany rejects me then…then what?" She's just the biggest god damn drama queen on the planet. She was heartbreaking actually.

"You should talk to her." I said. She looked at me like I was insane. Now that I think about it Brittany would probably not understand all these complicated emotions that Quinn was experiencing right now. "…or you could…you should kiss her."

"Ha." She said like she was waiting for the pun. "I can't do that."

"Stop being a punk Fabray. You want her so go find out what she wants." Quinn still looked skeptical. "Tell me what you like about her."

"Everything. Her smile, those eyes of hers…her body is perfect. Mostly it's the way she thinks. It's so different than everyone else…I think that's amazing." I smiled because that was Kenzie in a nutshell and that was the beauty behind Brittany as well.

"So go for it…what do you have to lose right?"

…

"Hey why were you talking to Martin Angelou?" I said.

"Oh he was wondering about the science homework. I think he wants some tutoring from me or something I don't know." Rachel said brushing it off like it was nothing. I rolled onto my back and scooted closer to Rachel. I was looking up at her and she was looking down at me.

"Can you not? Why doesn't he ask the teacher or something?"

"You sound jealous…" Rachel said with a light chuckle.

"Rach, I've caught him checking out your ass on more than one occasion. He should be a little more careful with his leering." I said crossing my arms over my chest. Rachel uncrossed them for me.

"Stop being jealous San…he was not…"

"He was! I saw him! Fucking asshole is about to have a surprise meeting with the fucking-."

"Alright San, can I tell you something?" I propped myself up on my elbows and waited for her to speak. "Seeing you all angry and jealous…it's sort of charming."

"Charming?" I questioned.

She bit her lip and I wanted to do that for her. "It's …it's hot okay." I smirked and Rachel nudged me, pushing me back down flat on my back.

"So you think I'm hot."

"Stop flattering yourself." I placed my hand gently on her thigh. "What are you…Santana?" She was blushing now and I couldn't stop my hand from moving higher. My fingers grazed the bottom of her panties and her breath hitched. "You're such a-."

"Such a what?" I said running my hand along the length of her thigh.

"Horn dog." She muttered.

"Well at least I'm not a tease." I replied grinning. Rachel obviously took offense because she jumped up off her bed and stomped her foot.

"Me? I am not!"

"You and those short skirts Rach, come on." She scuffed and turned away from me. "That's fine…I don't mind this view." I said with a smirk.

"Pervert." Rachel said over her shoulder.

"You love it." I said in a sing-song voice. I got up to a seated position and motioned for Rachel to come over closer. She looked at me and hesitated twice before walking over towards me slowly.

"What?" She questioned when I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her even closer. "I'm not kissing you." Rachel said decisively.

"That's fine." I said as I stood and began peppering kissing all along her jaw line.

"You didn't get my permission first." Rachel said pulling back.

"Do I need it?" I questioned.

"You're overly confident Lopez…don't let it get to your head."


	28. Chapter 28

"Damn I'm so pissed." I mumbled as Rachel leaned a little further into my arms. We'd been mindlessly watching TV on my couch for about an hour now. I didn't mind just being here with her, but I had been anxious all day.

"Why are you so worried? It's just your cousin right?" Rachel said looking up at me.

"Well he's going to be here soon and I don't know how long he's staying either. I know he's gonna make me feel like I don't belong in my own house." My mind immediately went to my father. I'll bet him and stupid Alexander are going to share beers tonight and watch some stupid football game or something.

"I sort of thought you already felt that way." Rachel replied.

"Well yeah I guess that's true too. This sort of reminds me, when he comes over you should probably go." Rachel sat up further and then slipped out of my arms. She looked upset and I didn't know why until I realized what I just said. It sounded like I didn't want her there to meet my cousin. Like I was ashamed or something. I mean I was ashamed, but not of Rachel.

"Why?" She asked.

"He's an asshole Rach, I don't want you around him." I said like that would explain it all away. Rachel would never take that as an answer. For some reason she actually began to look even more distressed. "Okay he doesn't know that I'm…gay."

"You're gay?" Rachel quipped and we both out into a fit of laughter.

"It's not just that. Like he can fuck off if he thinks I give a rat's ass about what he thinks of me. My dad cares what he thinks though…" I rolled my eyes at myself and for my father. "Plus it's more than two Latinos in one place…it's either gonna be a party or a fight."

"You think you want to stay over at my place for a bit?" Rachel questioned. I looked at how our legs were intertwined and my arm wrapped securely around her shoulder, tugging her in closer and closer every time I shifted positions.

"Rach I…"

"Why don't you sound excited? The only time you've slept over is when you were drunk. That shouldn't be the only memory of a sleepover with us, right?" Clearly Rachel was living in a world where I wasn't incredibly attracted to her. We could never have sleepovers, or at least none where she'd actually expected to sleep. Oh my god! What the hell was that? I needed to get my mind out of the gutter, and now.

"Think about it for a second though Rachel. Me sleeping over at your place isn't such a good idea."

"Well we wouldn't do anything. I mean nothing like that would happen." Rachel assured me.

"Yeah…but I would want it to." I explained to her. I heard a knock at the front door and Rachel and I immediately jumped up. I thought he wouldn't be here so soon. Rachel was supposed to be gone by now.

"He's here now. You wanna hide me under your bed or something?" Rachel asked as I helped her up to her feet. "I'm small I could probably fit in that little trapped door behind your bed." Now she was just trying to be funny.

We walked upstairs together and the first thing I noticed about Alexander was that he'd grown his hair out. Like it wasn't quite as long as Quinn's was right now, but it was long enough to bounce at a rhythm when he walked around.

He didn't really waist time actually. He dropped his duffle bag on the ground and rushed over to lift me up off the ground into a tight hug. I tried to push him away but he wouldn't let go. Not until Rachel giggled at least. "_Dios Mio _Santana you've grown."

"Yeah and you look like a chick. People really do change." My dad cracked a smile and so did Alexander. "Anyway Xander, this is my friend Rachel." He shook her hand and Rachel gave him one of her grade A smiles.

"Nice to meet you Alexander." Rachel said as she released his hand.

"Alexander here says he'll only be around for a few days. Why don't you and Rachel show him around? Have you eaten? Santana take your cousin out, my treat." My dad reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He made a big show about handing me cash even though he knew that I had my own credit card. It was actually funny how he was trying to show Alexander what a cool dad he was.

"Why can't you guys eat together? Not really my scene, having my twenty-three year old cousin tagging along with high school girls." Hopefully they both got the hint. My dad cleared his throat and gave me a serious glare. "What? I'm trying out honesty for a change."

"It's alright little cousin." Xander said with a wicked grin.

"I may be smaller than you but I can still kick your ass." I informed him. "Anyhow, Rach let's go to Eddy's or something." Rachel happily tagged along and followed me towards the door. "Oh and by the way you still owe me 147 bucks…don't think I've forgotten."

…

"Who are you calling?" Rachel questioned after about five minutes in her garage. I'd been pacing for four of those minutes and debating whether or not I should kiss her again for one. I actually decided on calling Quinn even though that wasn't even an original option.

"Quinn." I held up my finger to tell Rachel to hang on because Quinn had actually just answered.

"Sup loser? Why are you calling on this fine Saturday?" Quinn said in the bored and raspy tone of hers.

"Wondering what you were doing? Wanna make your way over to the Berry household?" Rachel cocked an eyebrow and I turned away so I wouldn't have to be under her gaze. I knew Rachel still didn't really like Quinn but it wasn't as bad as before.

"What's in it for me?" Quinn said sharply. Okay so maybe Quinn wasn't exactly as civil as I wanted her to be with Rachel, but maybe we could work on it. They were both in my life whether I liked it or not and I had to deal with it.

"I'll invite Britt over, that's what's in it for you." Quinn chuckled on the other end. "Seriously be over here and ten and Britt will be too." Quinn didn't respond but I could practically see her biting her lip in anticipation, going through countless scenarios in her mind. "I know you'll be here so don't try and act all shy and shit." I clicked the end call button and turned to Rachel.

"So I guess Quinn and Brittany will be coming over." Rachel said in an irritated tone.

"Um…am I missing something?" I questioned.

"I don't know how many times I've told you Santana, Quinn isn't my friend. She's my tormentor, having them in my house would be miserable." Rachel explained.

"Then they don't have to come over your house. We could all go out for ice cream or something. You know I would never try and put you in a bad position…this is just something that needs to happen." Rachel gave me a bewildered expression.

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's sorta a long story." I said simply hoping that was steer Rachel off this trail. Quinn didn't want to go public about her attraction to Brittany, and I wasn't going to tell Rachel even if I liked her. This was private, and if Quinn wanted it to stay that way, then I had to respect that.

"Long story like how you want a girl who you used to fornicate with to come over to my house so badly." I reached out and tried to touch Rachel's hand but she brushed me off. I'll admit that it sounded bad, but it so wasn't like that. I thought Rachel understood that by now.

"Rach it's not…why are you making such a huge deal about this? Quinn and I hang out all the time. And not to sound like a bitch but you laughed at me for getting jealous so you really don't have much of a right to get mad right now." Rachel just stood there for a second and I thought she was going to go into one of her long rants, but she didn't. I pulled out my phone and opened up a new text message.

**[to Britt]: **come over to Rachel's house, be here in 5. Quinn's comin too

I watched Rachel for a moment, wondering if I should say something to ease the tension, but Brittany texted me back within 30 seconds.

**[from Britt]: **Yay! I'm excited, I'll bring cookies.

That's so Brittany. Bringing cookies when no one even asked for them. I wasn't going to complain though. "Britt and Quinn are coming. For the love of God please stop looking at me like that. I have no interest in Quinn."

"Whatever you say." Rachel replied unconvinced.

"I don't want to fuck Quinn I just want you-." Rachel pushed me back and I crashed into Hiram Berry's car a lot harder than I would've expected.

"Don't say things like that! You have no idea how many times I've been hurt, how many times I've had to go to consoling sessions to make myself even be open to things like friendship and relationships. I've been broken more time than I can count, alright! And when you say you _want me_, it makes me feel disgusting because I know that you _wanted _Quinn too." I didn't know what to say. Rachel had never told me about consoling or that I'd ever made her feel that way.

"We rushed into this Rachel." I said.

"What exactly is _this_?" She questioned turning away from me.

"We have to just be friends. I'm still very attracted to you but, we should just still be friends." Rachel nodded and even though it hurt me to no end, it was the right move. I knew I had problems, but if I had known about Rachel's then I wouldn't have pushed so much. Back to the basics here we go.

…...

We were sitting in Rachel's living room when we heard the knock at the door. Even though Rachel went to stand up, I bet her to it. I walked over and opened the door. I didn't expect to see both blondes standing there but they were. Brittany was holding cookies and Quinn was blushing lightly. I looked down further and noticed that Brittany was holding Quinn's hand. With a knowing glance I welcomed them both inside.

"Hi Rachy, I brought cookies!" Brittany exclaimed. Rachel stood and ushered Brittany into the kitchen, presumably showing her where to put the cookies down. Rachel barely acknowledged Quinn which didn't go unnoticed by either of us.

"So your girl is here. I'm thinking movie in the basement, lights off and everything." Quinn nudged me for saying that Brittany was her girl but she nodded in agreement.

"Do you see what she's wearing?" Quinn whispered nodding towards the kitchen. I looked in the kitchen to see Rachel opened the refrigerator and Brittany spinning in circles. Brittany was wearing extremely short jean shorts and a pink sweater. I had no idea how she could be wearing those kinds of shorts in the fall, but I didn't question it.

"Wow, those legs right?" Quinn nodded and we both smirked.

"What with Berry? Is she giving me the cold shoulder?" Quinn questioned stopping me from going into the kitchen.

"You and me both. We're gonna cool things for awhile." Quinn understood and thankfully didn't ask anymore about it. We walked into the kitchen and I grabbed a cookie before anyone else. "Wanna watch a movie?" Everyone nodded in agreement for different reasons. Brittany just wanted to watch Beauty and the Beast. Quinn wanted to get her cuddle on with Brittany. Rachel would've done anything to avoid having actually conversations with Quinn and probably me right now.

We trekked down to the basement and Quinn, Brittany, and I immediately went for the couch getting comfortable positions. I guess I've never noticed how small the couch was until Rachel put in the movie and walked back over looking for a place to sit. There wasn't enough room, the couch fit three people and that was it. "Aw Rach looks like you'll have to sit on the floor." I said tapping a place on the carpeted floor in front of me.

"I don't think so, scoot over." She demanded. I tried but there wasn't enough room for her to be comfortable next to me.

"Sorry." I said with a shrugged.

"Fine." Without warning Rachel plopped down on my lap and pressed her back up against my chest. I noticed Quinn eying me but she could only smirk. I pushed Rachel's hair out of my line of vision and I kept my hands at my side.

Leave it to Rachel to be sitting on my lap an hour after we decide to just stay friends. I wrapped my arms around her midsection and placed my chin gently on her shoulder. She tried to move my hands away but I didn't let her. "Stop it San." She whispered.

"No." I replied. Friends were allowed to do this, so I didn't get what the big deal was. I touched her thigh only for a brief second and then I pulled away. Having her in my arms throughout the movie was enough for me.

Don't think I didn't notice Quinn arms around Brittany's shoulder. Quinn was probably just testing the waters, seeing what Brittany felt comfortable with. Even if it was Quinn and she was an idiot, I still thought it was sort of cute.

The movie ended and I noticed that Brittany was crying. I knew she loved _Beauty and the Beast _but she'd seen it like 30 times. I didn't exactly know what to say, which was why I was happy Rachel rushed up to take Brittany to the bathroom, to get her tissues. That just left Quinn and me sitting in the basement waiting for the girl to return.

"Make a move on her before you leave." I advised Quinn. "Look she's so into sappy shit so just kiss her sweetly on the porch. I mean look at this, you're the beast and she's the beauty, you'll get your girl."

"Also easy for you to say. You were over there practically tagging third base with Berry." I rolled my eyes.

"I was not." I exclaimed. "And don't try and make this shit about me Blondie."

"I'm not." She said.

"Well let's go upstairs. We can make sure at least one of us gets some tonight."


	29. Chapter 29

"Yeah but Quinn's a badass now. I mean a wannabe but still, it's charming right?" I questioned. Quinn nudged me under the table and I gave her a knowing glare. She wanted in Brittany's pants I was just helping the other blonde see the light.

"I think Quinn looks rockin with her new hair cut." Brittany said with a grin.

"Thanks Britt." Quinn said as she reached for her fourth cookie tonight. I smacked the cookie out of her hand and Quinn looked at me like I was crazy. "The fuck Lopez? Or should I say Hoe-pez."

"What's the supposed to mean?" Rachel said defensively.

"Nothing Rach, Quinnie over there is just bitchy. Even though I was clearly trying to help her refrain from weighing down the cheerleading pyramid." It had become so natural for me to rip on Quinn. It was a payoff really because she gladly returned the favor. "What's with that anyway? Why a pyramid? Cheerleading gods have a thing for triangles?"

"Anyone ever tell you that you're an idiot?" Quinn questioned. We'd been in Rachel's bedroom for about an hour now. We were all comfortably relaxing on Rachel's bed, and although I knew Rachel minded having Quinn there, she didn't do much complaining. I'll bet if she just knew the reason why then she wouldn't be so irritated.

"Actually Santana is quite intelligent-."

"Relax dwarf, just a joke." The room suddenly felt so small that I immediately wanted to run, but of course I didn't. Quinn and I were tight, but no one spoke to Rachel like that.

"What'd you say?" I questioned starting to stand up.

"Santana, calm down, it was just a joke. A stupid one at that." Rachel defended for Quinn. "Sit back down, please." I did what she said, mostly because Rachel sounded so calm that I couldn't be that upset. "Does anyone want ice cream?" Rachel questioned.

"Oh I do!" Brittany exclaimed.

"Alright Britt, let me get you some." Rachel offered standing up. I watched her walk down out the room, thoroughly debating the entire time if I should follow her or not.

"Sorry…jeez I didn't think things were about to get all personal with her." Quinn said genuinely apologetic.

"Rachy is really sensitive, I think it's cute." Brittany said.

"Yeah well you're cute too Britt." Quinn said shyly. I winked at Quinn when Brittany wasn't looking, and Quinn blushed even more.

"Let me help Rach with the stuff, I'll be back." I said sensing that now would be the perfect time for Quinn to make a move. I stood up and walked downstairs. I caught Rachel mid-scoop of ice cream and she looked up at me for a moment before returning to her task.

"Hey, need any help?" I asked walking over closer to her.

"No." She responded quietly.

"Look, are you gonna let this go or not? I'm sorry about letting them both into your house…but it's not that bad. That's the whole point of getting close with people; you can now see a new side of them." I said trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah and I'm certainly seeing a new side of you." Rachel said as she grabbed the bowls and brushed past me about to walk up the stairs. I reached out and grabbed her bicep holding her in place. "Let me go."

"No." I said taking the ice cream out of her hands. I placed the bowls on the counter and grabbed Rachel's hand and practically dragging her out to the garage.

"What are we doing out here?" She questioned.

"Hit me." I commanded her.

"What? Have you lost your mind?" Rachel shouted.

"Look you're so pissed at me, it'd just make you feel better. It won't hurt-."

"Santana, shut up, I'm not going to hit you." Rachel said. She sighed and turned away from me for a second. "Look, I overreacted before, let's just go back inside and hang around. I don't mind."

"Really, you don't?"

"Yes, it'll be fun."

…...

"Santana, can I talk to you for a moment?" It was the third time this week that Ms. Corcoran made me stay back in class. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, them looking over their shoulder just to see if I was going to get in trouble. They wanted me to be in trouble. Every since I started hanging around Quinn more, people had been hoping that I'd lose my _popularity_. I could see it in their eyes.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked right away. I knew that my grades were fine, actually they were perfect, which could only mean that she wanted to talk about Rachel.

"No of course not. I just wanted to ask to you if you'd talk to her about…well…the whole idea of a mother. Have you brought it up?" I didn't want to lie to her, but I didn't want to hurt her either.

"Rachel and I haven't really…she's upset with me to be honest-."

"Why?" Ms. Corcoran asked astonished.

"Long story." I said looking out the window. "Not really your concern."

"Like hell it's not." My eyes shot up and connected with hers. Didn't she understand that this was more than unprofessional? She had another class in 15 minutes until her next class, until there would be another student in my place raising their hand and asking for a translation on what Shakespeare meant by those words.

"Don't talk to me like that." I warned her. It was stupid of me to get so worked up over this but I couldn't help it.

"Like what?" She snapped. As she was saying it I knew I was about to lose control. Luckily she was safe behind her desk, luckily she was so far away, that when I flipped the student's desk over and it crashed into the ground all she had to do was flinch.

The thing that scared me the most was that my anger had been growing since I'd been in Ohio. I'd become more open with Quinn, Sam, and Rachel, but I'd been trying to force the door to close on a whole part on my life. That door was never going to close.

"Santana I think you should go and calm down." I couldn't even look her in the eyes, I just walked over to the book shelf and slid my body down until I was sitting. I wanted to cry but I didn't, I could still feel the anger rising up inside me.

"I am calm." I told her although I knew I could never be sure of that.

"What just happened Santana? Why are you so upset?"

"It's nothing." She wasn't convinced and even though I could tell she was nervous right now, she still walked around her desk just to sit on the ground next to me.

"Bullshit." I smirked because she had guts just to be swearing in front of me.

"Just then…earlier I mean, you sorta sounded like…you sounded like my mom." I stood up because it didn't feel right being so close to Ms. Corcoran. "Which is stupid right? You're Rachel's mom."

"Your problem is you don't talk about your mother enough. You're holding up all this pain inside-."

"Don't try that with me. Don't try and tell me how to feel about this. This is my shit, it's my life." The tears had already begun welling up, there was no stopping them, but I could turn away just so she wouldn't have to see this. "And I know holding it all in is fucked up, but when I let it out…" I glanced over at the desk on the floor, tipped over on its side.

"Is that the reason you and Rachel are at odds?" Ms. Corcoran questioned.

"No I wouldn't…I don't get this angry around Rach." I informed her.

"So then what is it? Why aren't you guys talking? You're neighbors and friends-."

"Look, I don't feel comfortable with this. I know you're her mom and everything, but it just feel like I'm giving away her private information. This isn't stuff you should be learning from me, it's stuff she should be telling you." I wiped my eyes clear of tears but my whole face still felt warm and wet.

"I shouldn't have put you in the middle of this-."

"Yeah but you did…and this is where I am now. Don't worry about it Ms. Corcoran, I care about Rachel enough to care about this."

…

I took off my helmet and parked my motorcycle in my driveway. It wasn't until the light came on from my porch that I noticed Rachel sitting there, wearing a jacket and her clothes from her dance class.

I, as usual, was only wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I placed my helmet in the seat of my motorcycle and got off. I didn't say anything to Rachel, but I was surprised that she was here. Since the day Quinn and Brittany had come over, Rachel and I hadn't spoken, and that was three weeks ago.

"Long time no see." I said sitting down next to her.

"Well I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Rachel said earnestly. I cocked my head to the side slightly and blinked twice.

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't I be okay?" I asked.

"Because I saw you come out of Ms. Corcoran's room with tears in your eyes. What happened?" Rachel questioned attempting to grasp my hand. I moved it away because I didn't want to feel her touch, not when I had to lie to her right now.

"I got a bad grade-."

"Liar. I know you didn't, because even if you were to get a 97 or a 98 percent, it would never be in English. Did she say something to hurt you? I can have my father's call up and get her fired." I shook my head no.

"No, god no she's the only teacher I like." I explained to her. I turned towards my door when I heard the clanking of glass. What was supposed to be a few days, turned into weeks of having Zander at my house. This night, like every night, they'd drinking for hours and watch sports on the big screen. "Dammit."

"Have you been sleeping?" Rachel asked with concern lacing her voice.

"Not a wink." I said half-smiling. "It's not important, I mean he can't move in, right?"

"You know what this is right?"

"No."

"Your dad must be missing your brother. He clearly is enjoying having a man around." Rachel explained.

"What am I not man enough?" I joked.

"Funny." Rachel deadpanned. "Now come on, you can stay at my house tonight to get some sleep."

"Rach, we haven't spoken for three weeks and you want me to sleep over? Come on that's-."

"I miss you." Our eyes locked briefly before she looked down again. "And please don't make me say anymore because if I do my heart's going to burst into a million pieces, and I can't handle that, not with you here. So just…I missed you and I want you with me at my house, so come on."

"Okay…alright."


	30. Chapter 30

**I hope this is a quick enough update for you guys. I had to get it done before Pretty Little Liars tonight. This chapter is filled with angst but I think it's still alright. By the way I have another story called "Wake", I'm only on the third chapter, but I was hoping to give a little shout out to that story and hopefully get more reviews and feedback for it. Anyway, enjoy this first and then go read by other story.**

"So did you guys have sex last night?" Maybe if I just didn't respond she'd just drop it. I mean Quinn was insane if she thought I was going to talk about this in the middle of the hallway around a million people. I looked her dead in the eyes and then laughed.

"You are legit insane." I said opening my locker.

"You texted last night saying that you'd be over at Rachel's and not to call your house, sorry if my mind went somewhere else." Quinn said with a smirk.

"I slept in her guest room." I informed her. "We're still on ice."

"So what? That can't be it. You didn't even like me and you fucked me, go for it. You know she wants to." I was about 85 percent sure that Quinn was currently wearing a wire. There was no way she was serious right now. "You're not going to give up are you?"

"Shut up Quinn." I told her slamming my locker shut.

"What is your deal? You're getting all mysterious again…do you want me to talk to her?" Quinn was actually crazy if she thought I'd let her anywhere near Rachel, especially alone. Rachel had made that clear, and the way she'd been passive aggressive lately just let me know I'd fucked up beyond belief.

"When pigs fly." I said beginning to walk towards my English classroom. Quinn was still tailing me even though we didn't have this class together. "Okay what? Why are you following me around like a sick puppy?"

"I kissed her." I blinked twice and then cleared my throat.

"Please tell me you're referring to anyone but Rachel." Quinn gave me an annoyed glare.

"Brittany, I'm referring to Brittany." She deadpanned. "It was amazing, and…she wanted to go farther but-."

"But you're a good Christian girl, right?" I joked.

"No…I just respect her too much." Quinn said with a grin. "Anyway, catch ya later loser."

…

"Santana! What are you doing up there again? Get down right this instant!" I'd been ignoring Rachel's pleas for the past five minutes but it was almost getting unbearable. Rachel knew I still came up here so what was the big deal.

"Why don't you come up here?" I challenged with a grin, knowing full well that Rachel would never come up here.

"Fine, I'm coming up." Rachel began walking towards the front of my house and I watched her in amusement. This was so her, she just had to prove a point. I shrugged and lit my cigarette hoping that if her fear of heights didn't scare her away at least the smell of smoke would. I heard the window open behind me and I saw Rachel getting ready to come out here.

"What on earth are you doing?" I asked her standing up and walking over to try and close the door before Rachel got too bold. "You're afraid of heights."

"Thanks I think I'm aware of that…now help me." I reluctantly helped her out onto the roof. Now we were both standing, face-to-face, hoping that we would just say something stupid so that one of us would get mad and we could go back inside.

"Okay, point taken you're a tough ass, now let's go back inside." I tried to grab her wrist but she pulled away. "What are you doing? You don't have to prove anything to me-."

"Well maybe I have to prove it to myself." She snapped.

"I don't understand this. Yesterday we had a good time…don't tell me I screwed up in 24 hours."

"No it's just something your cousin said. I don't even know what it means. He cornered me…what does Quiero hacerte el amor mean?" I was fuming. And you know where's the worst place to be fuming? On a roof with the girl you love.

"You don't want to know." I assured her. "Let's sit down." I reclaimed my spot and snubbed out my cigarette. Rachel sat down next to me slowly. She looked down at the ground and placed her hand gently on my thigh. "If you're scared…look I know you are, what are you trying to prove?"

"That I'm not a little girl." Rachel said removing her hand.

"Who said-."

"You don't have to say anything okay. I've felt this ever since you moved in. You think it's okay to keep this distance between every part of your life. You and I, you and your father, you and Quinn…that's why it's so hard. It's because you tried to bring me in closer and you just ended up pushing me away." I looked down at my hands and then down at the ground again. It really wasn't that far of a drop.

"…so tell me what Quinn's done to you? You told me about the consoling, about how much it-."

"She's tortured me since 3rd grade. She stuck gum in my hair, she beat me up, and now…she's clearly taken my place."

"She is just my friend. And she's a friend that keeps it real instead of someone who is constantly hurting me, like you are right now. It may not have been fair for me to bring Quinn and Brittany over, but it's not fair for you to expect me to know about everything in your past. I don't want to hurt you and I never did." I tried to get up but Rachel yanked me down to a seated position.

"Don't you think I know that?" Rachel said with a small smile. "It was stupid of me to lash out like that…both of our pasts are warped, neither one of us should push it." Rachel said holding my hand.

"We'll both open up when we're ready." I assured her.

"So…uh what did your cousin say to me? Seriously, I have the right to know." Rachel said with a little more humor in her voice.

"Well…what it boils down to is: I want to fuck you." Rachel gasped and I chuckled. "His words not mine…you should probably never be alone with him again. Don't worry I'll smash his face in once you leave."

"You'd better not." Rachel warned.

"Look maybe it'll get him out of my house if I do." I was grinning still but Rachel looked annoyed. "I wouldn't actually do it, he'd kick my ass. Besides I think that maybe I should try a shot at the high road."

"You surprise me everyday." Rachel said nudging my shoulder.

"Really? I do?" I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her in closer to me. Rachel tensed at my touch but I couldn't help but move a strand of hair out of her face. My eyes darted to her lips like they always do and I leaned in just brushing our noses together. My lip grazed hers but we didn't kiss. We hadn't broken eye contact, my lips were still only centimeters away from hers. "Is this surprising?" I asked quietly, not daring to move.

"No." Rachel said placing her hands on my hips.

"So then surprise me." I dared her. Rachel smiled and bit back a laugh.

"You know what the most surprising thing I can do right now is?" Rachel questioned tugging on my shirt so that we could be closer.

"I think I might have an idea."

"I forgive you." Rachel said before gently pecking me on the lips. "I forgive you and I don't want to give up on us. Or whatever we have. Let's just begin again." That's not exactly what I was expecting but the way Rachel was smiling at me and playing with the hem of my shirt was more adorable than anything else.

"You mean it?" I asked.

"Of course…but I swear if you get cocky about this…there will be no more of this." Rachel leaned in and captured my bottom lip with hers. This was turning out to be a good day after all.

…

"So where's your big bro?" I nearly fell off my bed when I saw Alexander standing there with Charlie in his arms. Like the good sidekick that he was, Charlie jumped out of Zander's arms, and ran over to join me on my bed.

"Ask my dad." I told him before returning to my sketch.

"I already did and he's giving me the he's studying in Minnesota spiel. I didn't have to be Nico's best friend, I saw him at family reunions and at communions…he'd never go to fucking Minnesota." Leave it to my father to come up with the shittiest lie on the planet. I rolled my eyes and continued drawing. "So what's with the cover up?"

"Mind your own business Zander. If you want to know, why don't you try calling the little son of a-…" I didn't finish because it was clear I'd given up way too much information. Now Alexander knew that there was something up between my brother and me.

"What'd he do? Oh this has got to be good, you and Nico are buds, come on…this is about a girl, am I right? I know it has to be." Alexander walked over and took a seat at my desks. He was mindlessly going through my things, just waiting for me to snap and punch him or snap and tell him what happened with Nico.

"You got another question? Cause I'm sure as fuck not answering any of that." I said closing my sketchbook and sitting up.

"Tell me about that girl you were making out with on the roof last night." I surely did not see that coming. There were so many things wrong with what he said and I couldn't even bring myself to cover my reddened face.

"Were you perving on us?" I questioned even though the clear answer was 'yes'.

"Yes, yes I was." He said with a grin. I was readying my shoe to throw it at his face when my phone started buzzing. I immediately picked up my cell hoping that it was Rachel so she could take me away from this conversation.

"Hello." I said a little too eagerly.

"You picked up." I hadn't seen him in months but a person knows their brother's voice when they hear it. I just wish it wasn't him. If only, it wasn't him.

"What do you want? You can't just call like this! It's not right of you to-."

"Hear me out." He pleaded on the other end. Alexander locked eyes with me and for a second he looked sympathetic. He couldn't understand this, and neither could I. Why was he calling? Why now? "I got out." I couldn't answer him, especially not with my idiot cousin sitting there staring at me.

I grabbed Zander by his shirt collar and pushed him out of my room. I slammed my door shut, as hard as I could; I slammed the damn thing in honor of all the times I wished I could cut myself off from the world.

"You got out? Or they let you out?" I questioned.

"They let me out, I didn't break out, what kind of idiot do you think I am?" He was trying to make a joke, a joke that was about 8 months overdue.

"You're not an idiot, you know what you did, and you're scum." I tried to press the end call button, but I just couldn't. I had questions. Boy did I have a million questions.

I remember the day they took Nico away. They had to drag him out and everyone cried except for my mother.

_Flashback:_

"_Tell me they're lying. You have to tell me that what the police are saying is a lie." He didn't look me in the eyes. I was shaking, it was like the whole world was shaking. I'd been feeling disoriented. I knew I was sick, physically and mentally, and there was nothing I could do._

"_You can't possibly believe them San. Come on I'm your brother!" I didn't want him to yell at me. I didn't want us to have this conversation alone but my father and mother were at the hospital and Nico and I weren't allowed to go. "Why don't you fucking trust me?" He grabbed my shoulder and shook me. He shook me until I fell to the ground. _

"_Why would they lie?" I snapped at him. _

_This all didn't make any sense. Two days ago everything was fine. Everyone was sitting at the dinner table and talking about our days at school. Everything was…it was fine._

"_Because they want someone to blame. They can't just blame the system for this, that'll make those agencies look bad. I'm the black sheep in this family, so I stuck out." The fact that he was being rational at a time like this angered me even more. _

"_No." I told him, forcing myself to stand up. There was a knock at the front door of our house. It was load, and it wasn't stopping. I didn't have to see any uniforms to know it was the police. Within seconds they'd be inside my house, inside my room, and there was nothing I could do to stop this. They'd take over the investigation, and my family would be shattered into a million little pieces. "What did you do?" I whispered grabbing the front of his shirt. The police were rushing through the house; they were coming up the stairs now. "What did you do? Tell me! What did you do?" _

_I didn't realize that I was hitting him until the cops were pulling me away from him, and I could see the blood on my fists. I could feel the displaced bones in my knuckles. I could feel the burning tears falling down my face. _

_The cop who had his arms around mine, the cop who was holding me back, and trying to get me to stop screaming, he had vomit on his uniform. My vomit. And he didn't care and neither did I. Because today was the day that they were taking my brother away. Today was the day._

_End Flashback_.

"Why did you call?" I asked coldly.

"Because you're my baby sis…and I'm on a train to Lima Ohio right now."

**Review Please.**


	31. Chapter 31

**Now I actually know what I'm doing with this story. It only took me like 31 chapters but still. There will be more flashbacks to Santana's life in California so that'll show more with the back-story. Enjoy.**

It was like a million walls were just crashing down. A million and one walls just crashing down and crushing my body, just to the point where I couldn't breathe. To the point where jumping off my roof seemed like the only plausible excuse for succumbing to humanity at this point. Because I'd spent three months rebuilding my entire life and now it was going to come crashing down. Again.

And again.

The whole point of moving was to get away from it all. If you couldn't bury your secrets then running away from them was the next best thing. "No. No you fucking will not come here! Don't even think about it, don't you dare!" Sudden pounding on my door broke me out of it. I'd forgotten that I'd closed my door. I did the one thing you were never allowed to do in this house.

The knocking had probably been going on for longer than I thought. Long enough for my father to ram his shoulder into it and bust it open like he was Olivia Benson. I thought about surrendering the phone to him but I couldn't let go. Just like I couldn't hang up.

"It's a nonstop train San…you don't have to act like this." Zander was trying to wrestle the phone out of my hands but I held on, not because I wanted to speak with my brother, but because I'd be damned if he got the last words in.

"You're a pathetic son of a bitch and if you show up here I'll kill you." Most of my threats in my life have been empty. Most of them were made to keep people at a distance, boy and girls, it didn't matter to me. This time I meant it though. This time I was sure of it.

"Who was that on the phone?" My father said once he'd pried it out of my hands. "Was it Nicolas? Santana, calm down." I don't know what he wanted me to be calm about. How could I ever be calm again?

"Dad I swear…why does he think he can come home?" I snapped at him. My father looked disappointed but not angry. Zander just looked confused. "Why aren't you pissed like I am? Do you actually want him to come here?" I don't know why I asked because his eyes screamed _yes_.

"He's my son-."

"And Kenzie was your daughter! But I know that never meant as much to you as it did to mom, wouldn't want to forget how much she meant to her." My father lunged at me and the only stopping him from hitting me was Zander. This was the first and last time I was actually thankful for him being here.

"I don't like what he did anymore than you do, but I will not deny a family member a home." I took a step back.

"This isn't a _home_ this is just a house we live in." I informed him. "So glad to see where your loyalties lie. I never thought Kenzie held a chance for gaining your support, but I thought that maybe I had a chance…I guess not.

_Flashback: 2 years ago_

"_So basically we're just bringing some random stranger into our house? I'm sure that's always worked out for everyone ever." I mumbled the last part because I knew that my mom would've smacked me upside my head if she'd heard me. My brother nudged me under the dinner table and my father cleared his throat._

"_Don't be a smart ass mija." My mother warned me. "This is something that your father and I have decided on. Ever since my diagnosis I've felt the need to help others out-."_

"_It's because she saw _Pay It Forward _last night." My father chimed in._

"_Well that's not the only reason. I think it would be good for everyone in the family. We could be helping out a child in need and maybe she'll help us out too." I looked at my mother like she was crazy. How was bringing some kid into our house going to help?_

"_So are we like stealing a baby or something?" Nico asked in between bites of macaroni. Even I didn't have the guts to say something that rude. _

"_No, we've been having discussions with the foster care agency." I opened up my mouth to retort something gritty and annoying, but my mother cut me off before I could. "And before you say anything, mija, we didn't tell you two because we needed to do a lot of paper work and then get approved."_

"_So we're approved?" I questioned._

"_Yes!" My mother exclaimed. "This is so exciting. We're putting in the extra bed in Santana's room tomorrow so she can sleep in there." I dropped my fork and it came crashing down on the ground. I was totally for my mother's charity work, but there was no way I was going to be waking up every three hours to deal with some little kid, not on my watch._

"_I don't know if you're aware of this, but I have a life, and my life does not involve taking care of small children. I hate children." Which was a flat out lie, what I hated was being blindsided by anything that was my problem here._

"_Where are they getting the idea that the foster kid is a baby?" My father asked my mother calmly._

"_Wait no baby?" I handed my brother a napkin before he could even think about continuing this conversation without wiping his face._

"_No, por Dios…she's 15." My mother said laughing. Nico and I exchanged glances. "Isn't that just the most amazing thing? Santana you'll have someone your age that will go to school with you and everything." To my mom, everything was the most amazing thing. I never understood it until now. Having cancer changed everything about her. The thing that changed the most was her outlook on things._

"_That is actually pretty tight." I said giving my mom the encouragement she needed to keep the smile on her face._

"_Do you guys want to hear about her?" The was no use in even responding to my mom she'd probably already planned out this whole speech about this foster kid. "Her name is Kenzie, and she is from Colorado-."_

"_Wait, she's white?" My brother shouted. Here's one thing to understand about my family, before many judgments are placed. We've got Latino blood flowing through us, but we're also enjoying a hearty meal of macaroni and potatoes, and it wasn't like that screamed Latino. The thing was we were proud of our heritage, but we didn't let that define us as an entire family. _

"_Nicolas…" My father said in a warning voice._

"_He was just asking I mean it's not like Colorado is a hotbed of Latinos. Anyhow I think it's chill that she's white." I said reaching down to grab my fork that I'd dropped about five minutes ago._

"_I knew you'd understand mija. I think you'll like her I hope you two will be best friends."_

_End Flashback._

…

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" I asked Rachel as we were on our second lap around the track. It was Rachel's idea, for a nice and safe walk, only she would be afraid of walking. Cheer practice was going on right now and every once in awhile I would give Quinn a glance to make sure she wasn't drooling over Brittany. She was.

"My fathers and I go to New York every year. We don't have family out there, but we go to a show the first night and then spend the rest of the time with daddy's friends from NYU. They're graduates of course. What about you?" Rachel inquired.

"I'll probably be in jail by then-."

"What are you talking about?" Rachel questioned raising an eyebrow.

"My brother, he called last night, and he of course is going home." Rachel didn't say anything which meant she understood how much I was against this. "It's like _Guess Who's Coming to Dinner_ ex-con style."

"Your father isn't going to let him in the house is he? He can't let a previously incarcerated person into your house even if he is your brother." I knew I had to stop Rachel's rant, even if she was right, because she looked like she was ready to give my father a piece of her mind.

"It doesn't really work that way…" I tried explaining. "How weird would it be if I spent Thanksgiving at your place?" I tried to ease into the question. If Rachel said no, next would be Quinn, and then Sam. I was not spending my holiday anywhere near my brother, that was for sure.

"That would be amazing! Why didn't we come up with this idea before? Come on, let's go straight to my fathers and ask them right now." This was the problem with being around such an ambitious girl. Rachel grabbed my hand and was already pulling me off the track and towards the parking lot when I stopped her.

"Can't we finish our walk?" I asked.

"You said that walking around a track was stupid." Rachel replied slowly.

"Yeah but…I'm going to say this once and then once I'm done saying it you can't laugh or say anything about what I say." I held out my pinky for the childish and useful _pinky swear_ and Rachel willingly took it. "I sort of like walking with you in front of those cheerleaders and sweaty football dudes, kinda feel like I'm showing you off."

"Wow-."

"You weren't actually supposed to say anything." I reminded her.

"Oh look there's Quinn waving us over. Also, by us, I mean you." I rolled my eyes and grabbed Rachel's hand, pulling her towards the field towards Quinn.

"Look at you two, linking pinkies, walking around the track…bein a bunch of gaymos." Rachel cringed but I couldn't help but laugh. Quinn new her territory which was why she said all of this privately, with no other cheerleaders around. Rachel let go of my pinky again though and that sort of stung.

"Mind your own shit Fabray, it was a pinky swear." I said and Quinn just shrugged, clearly not at all interested in what I was doing with Rachel. "Have you talked to you know who since you know what happened?" Rachel quirked an eyebrow.

"I can't she's just too hot. Like seriously I'm gonna jump her bones by the end of practice. You've got that grin on your face because you think I'm kidding but I'm not." Jeez, who knew how much of a dork Quinn actually was.

"It's the skirts." I chimed in.

"Surprisingly I actually know who you're talking about." Rachel said beginning to cheer up.

"It's cute right?" I was totally in girl mode, I couldn't help it, love always does this to me. "They already kissed you know, the only thing left to do is-."

"Fabray! Get your Mary Mother of God ass over here right now!" Leave it to that cheerleading coach to ruin a perfectly good moment. Quinn ran of without another word and I didn't blame her. I'd heard rumors that the coach had actually hung some cheerleaders by their toes last year.

"Every time." I mumbled, thinking about how it felt like I was put on this earth just to get Quinn and Brittany together.

"Why are you over there trying to play matchmaker?" Rachel questioned wrapping her arm around my waist.

"Because I know when people are supposed to be together and that's just something I can't let go."

**Review Please.**


	32. Chapter 32

**More and more Flashbacks will happen and I hope that's okay. We get the beginning of the first night for Santana in New York with the Berry family. Next chapter will be some serious Pezberry and I hope you guys will enjoy it. **

"Absolutely not!" My father snapped interrupting me for the third time. Alexander was already packed and ready to hit the road. I was hoping I could just skip this whole conversation while my father was watching him leave. As it turns out, my father was ready to suddenly start acting like a father after all. "Thanksgiving is a family holiday and you will stay here with your family." What he meant was: what was left of my family. My mom was dead, Kenzie was gone, and here we were…just the two of us.

Two until Nico comes back at least.

"If you think I'm gonna look that bastard in the eye and allow him to be within 30 feet of me, then you're crazy." I yelled back just as harshly. Alexander took a step back, he hated being in the middle of things, but that's just where he'd landed this time. "Don't pretend like he's part of the family dad! You letting him back in, it'd be like you're telling him it's okay…and if you ever forgive him then I'll never forgive you."

"Santana you need to calm down. You are not the one to put final judgment on anyway, that's God's duty-."

"Fuck God, where was he when we needed him most?"

_Flashback_

"_Mom's practically pissing her pants. She's so excited…it's good to see her like this." I said nudging Nico in the ribs. He doesn't look up from where he's seated on the front stoop. I watch as he fumbles with the rubix cube in his hands. He's been working on it for three weeks. Three weeks too many._

"_Doesn't it sort of feel weird though?" Nico questioned almost shrugging his own question off as he asked it. I took a step down the stoop and sat down next to him. I was wearing his shirt. It was an old shirt from a recreational soccer team and it fit me perfectly now. Nico looked at me for a second as if he was about to say something, but he didn't._

"_Weird how? Like how we're gonna have some chick in our house?" It had almost become laughable at this point. I was excited, but more terrified then I'd ever been in my life. My parents were out picking up Kenzie, and they'd be back soon. The thing was, we didn't know what to expect._

"_No weird like it seems like mom is replacing us." It didn't want to think about it like that. It didn't really occur to me until then. "Like we're not enough for her."_

"_Would you give her a break? She's just trying to make her mark on the world, everyone tries to do that." I defended because we were a typical family, and it was my job to defend my mom because Nico could take care of my dad. "Bright side is now that there's three of us, we can get away with more stuff."_

"_You guys aren't going to blame everything on me are you?" Nico questioned raising an eyebrow. I shrugged and he smiled, because he knows I would never turn on him. "Do you think we're normal? Like are we a normal family?" My brother was a jock. He was playing soccer in his freshmen year at college. He wore hats backwards. He picked up girls with his friends. He played video games in his boxers._

_My point is, he doesn't ask questions like that…ever._

"_No." I said as I caught a glimpse of my mom's red SUV out of my peripheral vision. I looked over and saw that the car was only a few houses away. I tried to catch a glimpse of her in the back seat, but all I saw was a flash of blonde. The car pulled into our driveway and my brother stood up._

_I stayed right where I was._

"_She's here!" My mother exclaimed like we'd just gotten a new puppy. Or it seemed more like she'd just had a new baby. I almost expected a banner that read 'It's A Girl' to be flying from a plane over our heads. My dad was already out of the car and he was headed to the truck to grab Kenzie's things. My brother rushed over to go help. Suck up._

"_Mama, you need anything?" I asked. My mother always did this thing, we're she just stepped back and watched everything happen. That's what she was doing now, but felt weird just watching. _

"_Help Kenzie con sus cosas." That would be pretty hard especially since she hadn't gotten out of the car yet. I barely mumbled a response before I began walking over to the car. I walked straight to the back doors and opened it up. Let me tell you, I wasn't expecting this._

_She was a blondie. One of those strawberry blondes though. Her hair was held in place by a handmade green beanie. Her skinny jeans weren't drastic, but her black, white, and red _Run DMC _shirt weren't exactly what I was expecting._ _Her Doc Martens were pink, and as soon as she saw me, she smiled._

_She got out of the car and I reached in grabbing her bag. I closed the door behind her and I beckoned her to follow me inside. Which she did, without saying a word. I hoped she didn't mind the quiet though. I'm always shy around new people, and she was no exception. _

"_You know you didn't need to carry my bag up Santana." I almost asked her how she knew my name, but I was thankful a second later when I realized how stupid that would have been. My mother probably told her all about me, she probably told her that I liked granola with Greek yogurt and blueberries. _

"_My mom told me to." Kenzie hadn't taken her eyes off me since we'd gotten up to my room. I placed her bag down on her bed. She ran her hands over her covers and smiled._

"_So do you do everything your mom tells you to?" It was a challenge and we both knew it. She was testing out the waters. She was testing me._

"_You a rebel girl or something?" I questioned gracefully avoiding her question._

"_Yeah and guess what?" She said with a grin._

"_What?" I responded wondering how she could possibly surprise me any more._

"_I know you are too."_

_End Flashback._

"This conversation is over Santana, now go up to your room." He knew I wasn't going to listen to him. He should know because he would never listen to his father either. Like I said before, it's a family trait.

"I think I know what I'm doing dad…so just go ahead and let me."

…

"How does it feel?" Rachel asked after I walked out of the bathroom changed and ready to go. Rachel of course was wearing a sparkling black dress with 4 inch heels and dazzling earrings. I wasn't wearing a dress but I was dressed up.

"What do you mean?" I asked her watching as she readjusted her heels.

"I mean being here? You're not uncomfortable are you?" That was Rachel, always worried about me. It never seemed to fail.

"No, I love this. I'm pretty happy your fathers took me in as a charity case. They still seem super suspicious of me, but I'll take what I can get." I was lucky the car ride here wasn't so tense. I had this feeling that Rachel's fathers didn't trust me, but they still made me feel welcome. "Why are you wearing those heels?"

"Because it's embarrassing standing next to you when you're 7 inches taller than me." Rachel said in an a matter of fact tone. Who knew she cared so much about height?

"People think it's cute Rachel." I informed her. I walked over and took a seat next to her. "I've heard people say they just want to pick you up and have your arms wrapped around them-."

"Is this your way of flirting with me? Because really you don't have to do that." Rachel said with a smile. She leaned in closer to whisper in my ear. "You've already got me here alone in a hotel room."

"Don't tempt me Berry." I said offering my hand to her. She took it and we both stood face to face. "Plus your dads are going to be knocking at our door in a few seconds anyway."

"So you never told me how your father took it? Was he upset that you left for the holiday break?" Rachel questioned. I thought about how I'd run up to my room, grabbed a duffle bag, and slipped all my clothes inside of it. I kissed Charlie goodbye and grabbed my guitar before running out the back door.

"Well I mean he didn't actually let me go, we had a fight before I left actually." Rachel nodded in understanding. "It was weird this time…this time I was sure I was going to hit him."

"But you didn't right?"

"Of course not Rach." I said a little too harshly. "Do your dads know?"

"Do they know what?" Rachel questioned walking over to her suitcase and pulling out a light jacket that she could throw over her shoulders.

"About how I kissed you. About how _I've_ kissed you multiple times." Rachel shook her head no and I sighed. "They would've never let me come if they'd known. I don't want them to have another reason not to trust me."

"Why is their trust so important? What about mine?"

"Look I know I have a lot of things to work on with you, that's evident, but the easy part should have been gaining trust from them. What do I do to make them like me?" I asked.

"They already do-."

"No, no they don't. They think I'm a loose cannon…sometimes I think that too." I said with a small smile. "Do you wanna know what Kenzie used to call me?"

_Flashback_

"_What does mija mean?" Kenzie asked on the second night she was in my house. I looked over from where I was sketching on my bed. We didn't actually have real conversations, at least we hadn't in two days. I was surprised when she started talking now, because usually once she put on her headphones, it was guaranteed silence._

"_It's like short of mi hija. It means my daughter." I explained to her._

"_I see V.G." I looked over at her with confusion in my eyes. Dear God, my mom had invited a sociopath into our home. V.G. What in the actual fuck is V.G? Is it code for 'I'm going to kill you in your sleep'?_

"_What's that?" I questioned._

"_It's your new nickname Van Gogh. I mean all you've been doing for the past two days is being all mysterious and drawing. You know he cut off his ear, right?" I smiled because even if she was sort of strange, she was also charming. I set my sketchbook down and slid my legs over the side of my bed so that I was facing her._

"_You think I'm gonna cut off my ear?" I asked with a sly grin._

"_I don't know V.G. maybe you will. You could be a total loose cannon." I laughed because it felt so strange to have someone living in my house and telling me exactly what I am. In two days Kenzie had already rediscovered me, she knew me when I didn't even know myself. "And I hope you are, because there's nothing I like more than a rebel girl."_

_End Flashback._

"She called me V.G. and Vannie Gogh for at least a month." I explained to Rachel who was just gushing in her own shoes.

"That's so cute, that is just so cute." Rachel said with a smile. "I wish I knew her, I wish that we could just take a step back in time so I could meet her."

"Too bad you can't relieve the past. Sure I'd change some things with Kenzie, but my real fault was screwing up things with you-."

"You didn't screw up. We're here in New York together right now…I'm right here in front of you, all you have to do is take me."

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	33. Chapter 33

**I'd consider this more of a filler chapter, but you do learn something small about Rachel. I hope you guys like it.**

"I actually had a lot of fun, just in case you were wondering. I know it's your thing, but the whole production and everything…it was magical." Rachel was too shy to ask me if I liked the play or not, but the way she was shifting her weight from one foot to another let me know that she was desperate to know my reaction.

We stood out on the balcony of our hotel, watching as the cars drove by below. It was cold, but not so cold that I had to wear a jacket. I leaned up against the railing and reached out to brush the hair out of Rachel's face. "One day that'll be you up on the stage."

"In my dreams." She said with a smile. "You don't think it's childish for me to dream like that? So big I mean. Who knows, a lot of people dream like I do, but they just end up in places like Lima for the rest of their lives." She was rambling now and I knew she only did that when she was nervous. I stood closer to her and hooked my arm around her body, pulling her close to me.

"It's not childish Rachel and you won't end up stuck anywhere you don't want to be. You're too special for that." I added the last part with a tiny smile. Rachel's eyes lingered on mine for a moment but then they glanced down at my lips.

"This is rather romantic for a _not_-couple." Rachel said with a tiny giggle. "Up on the balcony, with her arm around my waist..."

"You're a giant flirt." I said letting my eyes fall to her lips. I pulled her closer and she went up on her tiptoes. I captured her lips with mine and she smiled into the kiss. "You look so beautiful right now." I whispered into her ear before trailing kisses up her neck.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" Rachel asked slipping her hand under my shirt. I ran my fingers up her thigh and stopped before I could go too far. "Because it's working." She said before unhooking my bra.

"Come on, let's take this inside."

_Flashback_

"_Where are you going?" Kenzie asked as I strapped on my boots. I looked up at her and smiled, she was always curious about where I was going. I did feel bad about leaving her out sometimes, but it was still the summer. I know she'd make friends when we got to school, but I didn't know if she'd like my friends that much._

_And by friends I meant friend. _

"_To hang out with Ritz…if you want to…you could come with us if you want." I offered not wanting her to feel so left out and alone at home. I mean Nico could be chill, but what girl wants to hang out with him? "I mean I just don't want you to feel weird."_

"_You're my only friend, so adding another one doesn't seem like such a bad idea." Kenzie said with a small smile. I walked to my dresser and pulled out a tank top, tugging it on as Kenzie put on her shoes. _

"_Yeah but Ritz is different. I mean he's cool but…okay I'm going to be honest here." She smiled and so did I. It had only been a week since Kenzie moved in and we'd already developed a friendship. She was sweet and funny, and for some reason I couldn't help feeling that I'd met my match. "He's probably going to hit on you. Like hardcore flirting. Is that okay?"_

"_How do you know he's going to do that? Does he hit on you?" Kenzie asked confused._

"_Oh god no." I exclaimed as we headed downstairs. "You're just cute and Ritz has a serious thing for blondes." Kenzie bit her lip, which I noticed, and I couldn't help a light blush creep over my face. _

"_Don't worry I can handle myself." Kenzie said. That was the thing I really liked about her, she had confidence. "Plus I don't think he'll really be my type." I wanted to ask her what she meant by that but Ritz was walking towards the house and I didn't want him in Kenzie's business. _

"_Hey Santana…and who might this be?" I shoved Ritz back and rubbed his head._

"_Keep your eyes up punk. This is Kenzie, Kenzie this is Ritz." They didn't shake hands, not that I expected any less, they weren't the formal type. "Wait…where are we going? I thought your brother was going to take us to the movies?" _

"_He got pissed because I broke his PS3; let's just go to the park." Ritz said leading the way. Kenzie and I followed close behind as we walked down the sidewalk. "So Kenzie, Tan over here hasn't told me shit about you except that you're from the Midwest. She never mentioned how beautiful you are." I mouthed _I told ya_ to Kenzie who just rolled her eyes behind Ritz's back. "So I take it you have a boyfriend back home? That's a shame." _

_It was weird that I didn't really talk about Kenzie's life. I didn't know what happened to her parents, I didn't know if she had siblings, but I figured she would open up about that whenever she wanted to. _

"_I don't have a boyfriend." Kenzie said choosing to leave it at that._

"_She's quiet…are you always like that? I have enough silence when it comes to my girl Santana right here." I looked over at Kenzie, thinking about our conversations so far. She wasn't quiet but she was guarded. _

"_Look I'm not this weak little girl who has a sob story. And I'm certainly not fucking quiet. You just need to, as Santana put it, keep your eyes up and we'll be cool." I could've hugged her right now, but I didn't. "And would one of you tell me what we're going to do at a park?"_

"_Curiosity killed the cat." I said reaching into my pocket and touching the plastic baggie filled halfway with weed._

"_Well good thing I'm not a cat." She said with a grin._

"_You're not so bad Kenzie, seriously before you came I thought you were going to be this sheltered shy little white girl, but you're different, you know?" Ritz looked over his shoulder at me. It was probably the most I'd said in weeks. _

_The thing about Ritz was that when you looked at him, you didn't know what to expect. He has a huge grin, lips always playfully curled up over his pearly white teeth. He's one of the few African Americans in this area, mostly Latinos lived around here. He was stylish beyond belief though, always wearing matching hats and matching shoes. I envied him, his confidence mostly. _

"_I'm full of surprises…just you wait and see."_

_End Flashback_

Rachel rolled on top of me, grabbing both of my wrists above my head, and she continued kissing me. I didn't mind this position, it was actually rather surprising that she was so aggressive. "Forceful much." I mumbled as she bit down on my lip. "Ouch." I whispered playfully as I opened my mouth to let her explore.

"Take this off." Rachel said without even giving me time to respond. My shirt was being pulled over my head before I even knew it. I looked down for a second, seeing how Rachel's dress was getting further and further up, revealing her pink lace panties. Of course they were pink.

"Let me help you out with that." I placed my hand over her zipper and pulled it down slowly. I pulled the dress down over her shoulders; she slid off the bed for a moment just to take the dress off completely. Rachel was turned away from me and I reached out and looped my hand under the thin strap of Rachel's panties. I tugged her towards me and she fell back on top of me quickly. "You are so…" I stopped myself, feeling as if the wind had been knocked out of me. My fingers traced over the side of Rachel's stomach, the skin there wasn't smooth, there were cuts there.

"Santana?" Rachel said quietly as she tried to pull my hands away. I didn't let go, but I did sit up.

"What happened here?" I questioned.

"I knew you were going to have questions about those." She said rolling off me and lying down so that we were facing one another.

"Questions that can be answered?"

"I don't want to talk about this." Rachel said intertwining our hands. "Just hold me for now…just hold me."

…

"Ladies…it's one o'clock! Rach, hun, your father needs to check your suitcase for his tie. You know the one that he couldn't fit into his! Okay…we're just gonna…" I groaned as I heard the door open, wait what were they saying?

"Wait are they awake?" Hiram Berry questioned. I kept my eyes closed and hoped that they wouldn't see that Rachel and I were half naked under the covers.

"No, now shush." Leroy whispered. "Oh dear god!" He exclaimed a second later. "Is that our daughter's dress discarded on the floor like that. Wait…you don't think…" There was a long pause in the room, and I buried my face closer to Rachel's back.

"No, of course not…okay now that you look at the way they're wrapped up in each others arms…" They were totally drawing conclusions! That was so uncool. It was accurate, but completely uncool.

"Rachel would never lie to us." Hiram said voice faltering slightly.

"Well we never asked if she was sleeping with the girl next door." Leroy snapped. "I think I'm going to faint-."

"No you can't faint, you're the doctor…let me faint."

"This never happened. Come on let's leave." Leroy said. There was a light scuffle, some muffled curse words, but they left the room, closing the door behind them.

"Oh dear God." I muttered to myself. Rachel shifted her position and opened her eyes.

"Did you hear all that?" Rachel questioned.

"Every word." I replied. "So what do we do?"

"Well they don't know that we know…let's have some fun with this." Rachel suggested. I smiled and pecked her on the lips.

"Um…about last night though-."

"Don't worry, we'll talk about it…but before we do that, I'm so up for messing with my fathers. Get dressed and make sure to wear a jacket, let's have some fun."

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	34. Chapter 34

**Sorry for the delay on the update, I'm having some writer's block issues, but anyway, enjoy.**

"What do you mean by mess with them? I've got this feeling this might end badly for me." Rachel hadn't stopped smiling since we'd begun walking downstairs. I know she had her own little plan to mess with her fathers, but it'd be cool if she was up for sharing. "Rach…don't you think it'd be better if you came out to them instead of screwing around with them."

"Oh please my fathers are gay, they don't care that I like you, they care that they found us half naked in the bed together." Rachel responded. I wondered if she could hear herself right now. She sounded absolutely crazy.

"Yeah exactly, I bet when we walk into the lobby they're gonna be waiting with a flash mob of vengeance and kick my ass." Rachel was now looking at me like I was the crazy one. "Okay fine what are we going to do?"

"We're gonna ask to go swimming in the hotel pool." Rachel said cheerfully. We took the elevator down to the hotel lobby. I had to practically force Rachel to let go of my hand before we walked over to her dads. "Dad, daddy, what are the plans for today?"

"I'm not sure sweetie. This is usually our day for rest, before Thanksgiving tomorrow. What do you two girls want to do?" Leroy asked. I looked over at Hiram and he looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"Well since no one's been around the pool, Santana and I were thinking maybe we could go for a swim. Maybe relax in the hot tub." Rachel suggested. Her fathers exchanged a glance before Leroy spoke up.

"Sure of course, why don't you ladies get changed and we'll all meet down here in a little while. Are you two hungry?" Leroy questioned. "There are plenty of leftover muffins from breakfast and you can grab some whenever you want."

"Oh we're not hungry we already ate." Rachel said. I was about to open my mouth until I realized what Rachel was trying to say. Sexual innuendos in front of the parents that was never a good sign. Rachel reached for my hand and winked at me before pulling me back upstairs.

This was going to be a long day.

_Flashback_

"_Hey cutie." I turned around and glared at Kenzie. She'd been trying to distract me for the past hour. I wanted to do some homework, which Kenzie had to do too, but she was clearly beyond that. She was just trying to mess with me like always. She knew I was serious about my studies, but she was so lighthearted and calm all the time. "You're lookin damn sexy over there." I smirked and turned back to my math book._

"_Oh my god shut it Kenz." I was blushing ferociously now; Kenzie had the ability to do that to me. I realized after the first month of living together that Kenzie was different from any other person I've ever met. She used to be shy, there was a moment when she was so shy, but now she had this spark in her. "Can't you see that I'm trying to work?"_

"_You're a virgin aren't you?" I dropped my pencil and stood up. I cannot believe she just said that._

"_Are you a vampire? You need some virgin blood to satisfy your thirst?" Kenzie grabbed her pillow and chucked it at my head. _

"_I'm just asking a serious question. Can't I be serious sometimes?" I shook my head no ferociously. No, no I'd never really seen a serious side of her. It wasn't that she was some wild child, it was just that she wasn't afraid of anything. She didn't have to tiptoe around every taboo topic, she just said it. _It is what it is, _Kenzie always said with a cheesy grin. "I was just wondering if you've ever done the deed, it's no big deal." _

"_Kenz it's a big deal for some people." I said looking down at my bare feet. I'd never noticed before how my one toe was slightly bigger than the others. I wonder if that's genetic or-._

"_Waiting for the one?" Kenzie asked as she grabbed my hand and pulled me onto her bed with her. "I'm not trying to judge you, do you get that? I was just curious that's all." _

"_Yeah well curiosity killed the cat." I replied._

"_Good thing I'm not a cat then, huh?" She joked. "Oh come on lighten up. Look I'm not a virgin, my first time was with my neighbor Michael West. He screwed me on his coach in his basement and it sucked." Her first time was like that? I always assumed, with her, it would be something special. "You're different though, I'll bet your first will be something sweet or romantic at least." _

"_I don't know, boys are pretty rough-."_

"_No one said you had to do it with a boy." This is what I get for hanging out with a hippie. She was far too open-minded and that kind of talk just didn't work in my house. Things were traditional and that's how they always would be, but now, my mother had broken the line. Bringing in an outsider might not have been such a good idea._

"_You're crazy." I informed her._

"_No not really. Plenty of girls sleep with girls and plenty of boys sleep with boys. Who cares? Everybody just wants to feel good anyway." I pondered the thought for a moment before shaking my head. _

"_Don't go around saying stuff like that, not in this house. My dad will get mad, he's very religious." I explained to her._

"_He's only religious because he thinks God is the one helping your mother. He thinks God is the reason she's in remission." She'd stepped completely out of line and I looked away from her. Who was she to tell me about my own family? "Sorry not really my place."_

"_Yeah it wasn't." I replied. "Anyway…let me get back to my work."_

"_You're beautiful you know." Kenzie said with a smirk. "Beautiful but dumb. Like one of those slutty cheerleaders at school."_

_End Flashback_

"Can I tell you something that I've never told anyone before?" Rachel walked out of the bathroom holding two bathing suits in her hand and sitting down on the bed.

"Of course you can." She was right. I'd opened up a lot to Rachel and I'd only known her for a few months. Actually, it was pretty idiotic of me to open up so much to her. I always ended up hurt when I did that, no matter what.

"Kenzie was my first. She was my first and she meant everything to me. It wasn't love though, I just felt safe with her." Rachel scooted on the bed close to me and wrapped her arm around my body. "Am I making sense?"

"So you must feel safe with me then."

"I've been rejecting this whole idea of this place ever being my home. I still know it's not a home yet, but you, Rachel…you make me feel like I can finally call a part of this place mine." I leaned in to kiss her but I pulled away and took the bathing suits out of her hand. A one piece suit and a bikini.

"I always bring both just in case I get the guts to wear the bikini, but…I never do." I ran my hand over where the scars were. I lifted her shirt slightly but she stopped me with a sullen shake of her head. "They're disgusting-."

"Stop." I told her before she degraded herself anymore. I straddled her hips and gently lifted her shirt over her head. I examined the scars, this time I could see them better, with the daylight and all. "So you do this to relieve the pain?"

"I used to; these scars are…I haven't done this since I met you." I looked down at the scars again because I damn sure wasn't about to look into her eyes right now.

"So someone made you feel so…that you'd do this?"

"Quinn did." I opened my mouth, ready to ask questions, to tell her that I didn't realize what Quinn had done. I know about bullying, I know first hand about bullying, but I didn't realize how bad it could get.

That's a lie actually. I know how bad it can get, but I was wrong about Kenzie and I wished that I was wrong about Rachel. "She made me feel like I was absolutely nothing. She's the reason I took up dance, she's the reason that I had to find that outlet to make me feel like I was worth something. And then I saw Brittany one day, her movements were so amazing and gorgeous and here I was…I could never be the best at anything."

"But you didn't have to compare yourself to them. What about your fathers? They've supported you-."

"They did what all parents have to do. They encouraged me and loved me, but at school, it was torture. Sometimes I couldn't take it." I could off the bed and began pacing.

"That was pretty stupid of you." I said harshly.

"Excuse me? I just opened up to you about the darkest time in my past and you call me stupid?" Tears became pouring out of her eyes all too quickly and I wanted them to stop but I didn't want her to look past what I had to say.

"Damn right it's stupid. Imagine if you would've cut too deeply. Imagine if you would've gone too far just once. You would've been dead! And good for you, maybe you would've been out of your misery, but what about everyone else. Everyone who does that, they don't think about the people who love them!" Rachel smacked me and even though this was the second time, this time stung so much more.

"Stop projecting your past on me." She exclaimed. "I know this is about Kenzie." She added before rubbing my cheek with the back of her hand. "I shouldn't have smacked you, but you deserved it." Did she have to be right about everything?

"The past is catching up to me." I replied rubbing the back of my neck.

"Maybe you should stop running then." I didn't know if she was telling me to or advising me too, but either way I smiled. I walked over to the bed and picked up the bikini.

"You should wear this; I think you'd look beautiful in it."

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	35. Chapter 35

**I realized I hadn't updated this in a whole. So here ya go. Enjoy.**

"Your dads clearly know that we're a thing." I told Rachel as she was drying her hair out after our swim. This was all Rachel's fault. Wanted to mess with her dads had turned into Rachel constantly touching me, smacking my ass one too many times, and a brief make out session in the sauna. Luckily, that last one was private otherwise I'd never be able to look the Berry men in the face again.

"So we're a thing?" Rachel asked playfully.

"We were always a thing. I mean we were always going to be a thing. I knew that from the beginning." Rachel smiled and so did I, we were both genuinely happy. Content enough to understand that there were still secrets, but not ready to uncover them. "I couldn't keep my eyes off you."

"So why the thing with Quinn?"

"I was new here…I still sort of am. You'd just started talking about that Finn kid and I got jealous. I hadn't felt anything, not one ounce of love since I'd moved. I thought I could feel that again, but I didn't until you and me…until we kissed." Rachel pulled on a bathrobe and walked over to the bed, sitting down next to me, and wrapping her hand around my waist.

"Don't look now but you're getting sentimental." I grinned, Rachel had a way with words, a way to make it okay that I was weird and standoffish at times.

"Look, we don't have to label this, _us_, I mean. We don't have to call ourselves girlfriends or lovers or whatever…I don't like labels really. I just like being with you."

"So are we like going steady? Are we exclusive?" Rachel mused as she danced around the room. I tried to reach out and grab her but she avoided me and jumped onto the other side of the bed.

"Are you making fun of me?" I asked her when she wrapped her arms around my body and began peppering kisses down my neck.

"No I just want you to stop being so serious. We want to be together, end of story. Now get dressed. My dads want us ready for dinner soon." Rachel took her rob off; revealing matching black lace underwear, and I blushed ferociously. She was trying to kill me.

"Wow." It was all I could manage to say without drooling all over the floor. "Is this dinner mandatory?" I asked, thinking of one way in particular I'd rather spend my time.

"Later." Rachel promised before slipping on a dress just as I was pulling up my pants. "Can you wait that long?" Rachel questioned quirking an eyebrow. "Or do you need a little something before we go downstairs?" Rachel stood in front of me, taking my hand, and placing it on her butt. I smiled, because Rachel was being so flirty and playful, and I loved this side of her.

"I'm not doing this before we go have dinner with your dads. You should be ashamed of yourself." I joked before taking Rachel's hand and walking her downstairs.

_Flashback_

_I got up from the table, getting worried and confused expressions from my family members. This was my first year at the adult's table, which meant absolutely nothing to me, except that I had this empty seat next to me, even though it was supposed to be filled. My aunts and uncles were arguing about who won an impromptu football game thirty years ago, and my grandparents were yelling at the kids to be quiet. Kenzie was nowhere in sight. _

_I went out the front door and nearly pissed my pants when I saw Kenzie sitting right there on the porch, in the pitch dark. "What are you doing out here? Food's inside weirdo." Kenzie didn't laugh and even when I nudged her in the rib and sat down next to her, she didn't even budge. "What's up with you?"_

"_I just feel out of place in there. That's your family, not mine." She'd been living with us for almost four months, and this was the first time that I even realized that she felt that way. I thought we were at the natural point where we were family. I'd put all my trust in her when she took my virginity, and I thought she trusted me. _

"_No, this is your family. We're family." I reminded her. "You're afraid." I stated simply and she turned to face me._

"_What?"_

"_I said you're afraid." She shook her head no but I just continued. "You think we're just going to take you in, love you for a few months and just stop loving you one day. You think because you're a foster kid that we could wake up one day and decide we don't want you anymore." I knew I was right because Kenzie ran her hand through her hair. That was her nervous habit; I'd noticed it the first day she came here._

"_I've bounced around a lot." She said simply, not caring to elaborate._

"_The adoption papers are already in, you'll be my sister soon. I'll be able to tell you to fuck off without feeling bad about it. Our pictures will be right next to each other in the year book." Kenzie rolled her eyes and for the first time all day, she laughed. "Family is family, you're one of us now, deal with it."_

"_Should I take Spanish classes?" Kenzie joked._

"_Bitch. You know what maybe you should; abuelita has been speaking Spanish the whole time. She has no idea how to speak English anymore." Kenzie cracked a smile and looked over her shoulder, back towards where all the excitement was happening. "You know what? It's a nice day, we'll just eat out here." Kenzie wasn't quick enough to stop me or object. I walked back inside, scooped up my plate, took another plate from the kitchen and pilled food onto it. _

"_Santana, what the hell are you doing?" My brother said. My mother smacked him across the back of his head, and my abuela took it as a hint to do the same. "Jesu Cristo mama!"_

"_I'm spending some time with my sister." I told them, gracefully walking past the kid's table and exiting the house. I found Kenzie, sitting on top of my brother's Jeep, and I handed her the plates so I could get up there too._

"_I figured you were going to sneak some beer or something too." She said taking a bite out of the freshly baked rolls. I reached into my hoodie and pulled out two cans of _Budweiser _and tossed her one._

"_Never underestimate me Kenz." _

"_You're right sis; you've clearly got my back."_

_End Flashback_

It was halfway through the meal and I was fidgeting. Fidgeting like a crack addict who desperately needed a fix. I couldn't help it, my nerves were getting the best of me. Rachel noticed and she placed a hand on my thigh, to stop my leg from shaking.

"So Santana how is your father spending his Thanksgiving?" Leroy Berry asked. I thought about telling them the truth. Getting wasted with my deadbeat brother who'd just gotten out of jail, but I didn't think they'd take that too well.

"My brother's actually home now, so they'll probably do something together." I explained, which wasn't actually lying, it just wasn't completely the truth.

"Oh I wasn't aware that you had a brother. What was he doing in California? School?" I looked at Hiram Berry and he looked genuinely curious.

"Yeah something like that." I lied. "Um…I actually forgot something upstairs, I'll be right back." I was too quick to get up and Rachel thought I was upset about talking with them about my brother. I wasn't, so I gave Rachel a warm smile before heading back upstairs to our room.

It took me five tries to open the hotel door and I was thankful I wasn't running from some serial killer because I'd be dead meat if I was. I walk in and grabbed my guitar case, before exiting the room again. I'd been planning this for awhile now. Wooing Rachel with a simple song, one that I'd learned to play just for a time like this.

Her fathers were here with us, but that didn't matter to me. Not now, this was for Rachel, and once they caught my eye, from the table in the hotel dinning room, they all exchanged glances, but Rachel just smiled. I returned to my seat, opening my guitar case and pulling out my acoustic guitar. Rachel was beaming and even though the room wasn't crowded there were still enough people around whispering and wondering that I knew I had an audience.

"I promised you a song." I whispered to Rachel. I turned my chair so that I was facing her, completely blocking out everyone else in the room. "A promise is a promise." I began strumming, gently and effortlessly. Rachel blushed when her Hiram Berry pulled out his phone so he could record.

_I'm all packed up now early in the morning  
>I'll take my leave<br>I'll bring your words along with me  
>Maybe one day they will mean something<em>

_For now they buzz and crumble down  
>A little bit too easily<br>From a time that I am not quite over  
>What the hell is wrong with me?<br>_

I'd never been one for eye contact, but I kept my eyes on Rachel's, and she didn't look away. It was obvious that we liked one another, and now I didn't care if the whole word knew.

_I might be gone a little while  
>I guess we'll see<br>I gotta make a home outta somewhere  
>And you're all over this city<em>

_And it'll take a flight to figure out  
>Where I'm gonna finally land<br>And the time it takes for me get there  
>I'll be one to start again<br>_

I thought about standing up, so I did, it was impulsive and as I circled the table, I still kept my eyes on her. People around us, watched and smiled and when I got to the chorus all my nerves were gone.

_But I should probably say that I'm unsure why I'm running  
>Running away from the only thing I want<br>Yeah, I should probably say that I'm unsure why I'm running  
>Running away from the one I love<em>

_And if the plane lifts off  
>I'll write you a letter to say goodbye<br>And I will make it long and maybe lie just a little  
>Tell you that I'm doing fine<em>

_Then I'll send it out and let things be  
>If not for you<br>For me and for the time I've spent  
>Foolishly loving thee<br>_

The song was almost over and I wished I could have Rachel's radiant eyes on me like this forever. I loved her and she loved me, and even if we never said those words in this moment we knew it.

_But I should probably say that I'm unsure why I'm running  
>Running away from the only thing I want<br>Yeah, I should probably say that I'm unsure why I'm running  
>Running away from the one I love<br>The one I love_

I barely had the last note strummed when Rachel jumped out of her seat and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me into a kiss. The most passionate kiss we'd ever shared.

"Alright girls save it for the bedroom." Leroy said snapping his fingers.

"Oh…sorry." I muttered, chancing a glance over at Rachel who was still smiling.

"You can't tell them to save it for the bedroom." Hiram said.

"Why not?" Leroy replied.

"Because that implies that we're okay with them saving things for the bedroom. You are no longer gay day of the year." Hiram said taking a sip of his wine.

"Oh and you are?" I didn't listen to the rest of their conversation. I just sat back down next to Rachel, holding her hand under the table. As we watched the banter of the Berry men, Rachel and I shared one simple telepathic message. One that we didn't have to verbalize to agree upon.

_I hope we end up just like them. I hope we love one another enough to fight over the stupid things and hold on another when things get tough._


	36. Chapter 36

**I know I've been awful about updating this, but I hope you guys are still interested in the story.**

"You look nervous." Rachel said pushing my hair back and out of my face. We'd been sitting on her porch for about thirty minutes, my duffle bag was at my feet, and I glanced over at my house every five seconds just to see the my dad's car still there. If he was home that meant that Nico was probably there too. I didn't want to face either of them right now. "I'll go with you." I looked at Rachel and shook my head no.

"Absolutely not." I told her.

"Well then what? Tell me what I can do to make you feel better. I don't want you going over there and getting into a fight." It was night that Rachel was worried for me, I loved that she cared so much about me. I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her forehead. "Don't try and be sweet with me Santana." I pulled my lips back from her forehead and smiled.

"You know if I go over there then I won't be able to control myself." I explained to her. "I should face him though…them I mean."

"Call me after you talk to them." Rachel demanded. "If you need something else call my fathers. You can trust all of us."

"I know that." I told her. "Trust me I know." I kissed Rachel on the lips and picked up my duffle bag. I tried not to look back as I walked over the strip of grass that divided our properties, but I did. She waved and I smiled back at her.

I could do this.

I walked up to my front door. I raised my hand to ring the doorbell, and then I raised my hand to knock, I did neither. My hand dropped to my side and I opened the screen door and tried to turn the knob on the front door. It was locked. My keys were in my room so I had no other choice than to knock.

I waited; I could hear footsteps on the other side of the door. Two sets, I could tell by the slight limp that my father was coming to the door. I heard him say hold on to someone, that person could only be my brother. There was a pause, the kind of pause that meant he was looking through the keyhole. I stared right back at him and he swung the door open.

I didn't try to look into the living room, I figured the longer I put off seeing my brother, the better things would turn out.

"Santana! You get in here right now!" My father grabbed my arm roughly and pulled me inside. I yanked my arm back and pushed past him. "You disobeyed me young lady and I do not take that lightly." I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and scanned the living room; my brother was nowhere in sight. He was probably in the kitchen; he probably didn't want to face me.

"You know why I left dad, and now I'm back. I'm not hurt and I had fun, so it's fine." I took one step back and looked him in the eyes. "I'm taking my stuff up to my room." I told him. I looked towards the kitchen and decided that I should just confront my bastard brother now.

I'd only taken five steps before my father stopped me. "Come on Nico, stop being a coward and face me you fucker."

_Flashback:_

"_You just let them call you names like that? Santana it isn't right." I looked over at Kenzie and shook my head. It was just like her to be all righteous like this. Everyone was better if you just left things alone. She was always ready to make changes, and she was never afraid of taking the long road for anything._

"_Newsflash, it doesn't matter." I told her as I bent down to tie my shoelaces. We were just outside the teacher's lounge and it was after school. I wanted to go home but Kenzie wouldn't let me leave._

"_Is that how you want your life to be? To let people walk all over you?" Kenzie questioned._

"_Of course not, but…things are different for me. I stay away from confrontation. When those kids call me dyke or retard, it hurts, but I know it's best if I do nothing about it." Kenzie didn't understand because she'd never seen me mad, but why couldn't she just trust that I knew what was best for me? _

_Maybe it was because she was older. Not by much but still._

"_I don't care; I'm not letting them do that to you." She said defiantly. I watched as she walked past me and approached a group of boys that had been giving me trouble since third grade. "Hey pricks! You've now officially fucked with the wrong girl."_

"_We don't want to fuck with you we just want to fuck you." James Myer said. He'd had braces for three years, I wonder what made him think he was such hot shit. The group of boys we all football players, typical, but they were also the biggest dirt bags in the school._

_They weren't rich, but they compensated by bullying in order to reach the top. "Very cute comeback, but I don't have time for your shit. I'm here to tell you that from now on, you're leaving my friend alone." _

"_Your friend?" Michael Churchill questioned with a smug grin. "Or your girlfriend?" I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked over there._

"_Just leave us alone." I said nudging Kenzie and trying to let her know that we needed to leave now._

"_Hey fucktard how's it going?" The names, I could handle, but not the way Kenzie was looking at me now. She wanted me to do something, to say something. She was pushing me, silently, to defend myself._

_When my knuckles collided with Michael's jaw, I felt the blood sputter from his mouth first. Then I heard him fall to the ground. I stood there, we all stood there unable to move or say anything. _

_Kenzie had to pull me away, and we ran through the football field and climbed the fence that lead into the woods. We cut through the woods just about every day. I could feel her eyes on me, curiously examining my face._

"_Wow." She said with a slight chuckle. "If you could do that all along then why didn't you beat the shit out of those kids before?"_

"_Because I hate the feeling of hitting people." I told her truthfully._

"_Why?" She asked._

"_Because it feels good."_

_End Flashback_

"Santana don't try and start something." My father warned with his hand still firmly wrapped around my bicep. "If you want to talk to your brother then fine, but don't start a fight."

"It's okay dad." He didn't look the same from when I last saw him. It was more than just the shaggy hairs on his face, or the way his hair curled in front of his eyes. It was the intensity in his eyes and the tattoo on his forearm. He stood in front of me, and for a moment he flinched, for a moment, his eyes softened and I could see the fear in his eyes.

I tried to lunge at him, but my father held me back. "Santana breathe please." My father tried to sound soothing but I'd blocked him out. Nothing but rage was flowing through my body.

'What makes you think you could just come back here? I'm not forgiving you I will _never_ forgive you." I squirmed out of my father's grasp and pushed Nico back. His head knocked into the wall behind him, I wanted to hit him but I held back for a second. I wanted an answer from him.

"Dad, can you give Santana and I some privacy?" Nico asked calmly.

"I don't think that's such a good idea." My father said.

"I'm asking you dad, go for a drive or something, I want to talk to my sister alone." What was his angle? I was surprised when my father got his keys and jacket and exited the house. I was even more surprised when I heard his car engine start and the wheel squeal as he pulled out of our driveway.

"You got a death wish or something Nico?" I asked him. "You can't sweet talk your way out of this one Nico, but I know what you did, and I know you're a monster."

"Prison changed me hermanita." I looked away from him, the nickname, my old nickname, it gave me chills now. "I was a boy when I went in there, now I've come out a man. And a man knows what responsibility is-."

"Don't give me that bullshit!" I pushed him again, harder this time, hard enough that he nearly fell to the ground. "What you're not gonna fight back?" I asked him. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head.

"I know how you can get, it's how we both get, remember? The anger, it runs in the family." He said.

"You're nothing like me!" I told him. "And you know what I'm nothing like Kenzie." I punched him in the stomach he doubled over in pain. I swung hard with my left connecting on his jaw. "She didn't fight back because she trusted you. She thought that we were a family, I promised her that we loved her, but the kind of love you wanted to show her…it's disgusting."

"Don't you think I know that now? I was messed up back then!" He said it like it was an excuse. I hit him again, harder this time; hard enough to split the skin open above his eyebrow.

"You raped her." I said clenching my fists. "How could you? What possessed you to do something like that to her? She was my best friend, she was my _everything_."

"I'm sorry." He pleaded. "I'm so sorry for what I did."

"Sorry doesn't cut it. Sorry doesn't bring back Kenzie, and sorry certainly doesn't bring back Kenzie. You raped Kenzie and you know what as far as I'm concerned you killed mom." Nico shoved me back, I didn't fall, but I was close.

"Don't you dare say something like that about mama!" It was a warning but one I certainly wasn't going to adhere to. "You've made your point Santana, so I'll pack up and stay at a hotel…but I'm not skipping town. You and papa, you're mi familia. I love you Tana."

"Don't tell me you love me Nico, not when I'd never feel the same love back towards you." I looked down at my feet. "You destroyed our whole family, Nicolas. You destroyed me."

…

I had to find away to separate my home life, school life, and life with Rachel; otherwise my whole world would come crashing down. At home, my father had been trying his best to keep things sane, he kept offering to take me to a psychiatrist, and I knew he thought I was getting depressed again. I wasn't. At school, my grades were great as per usual, but things with Ms. Corcoran seemed off and I knew it was because she was getting impatient about Rachel. I made her a promise and I'd have to keep it. With Rachel, she'd been patient, and loving and that's exactly what I needed.

"Um where have you been?" Quinn asked interrupting my thoughts. She stood right in front of me and I noticed that she'd put some pink in her hair and kept it at the same length that I'd cut it at.

"I don't really know what you're asking considering we've just come off Thanksgiving Break, so the obvious answer would be I was on Thanksgiving Break." Quinn gave me her _I don't have time for your shit_ face and pulled her books up closer to her body.

"No I meant why weren't you home?" Quinn questioned. "Where were you? Who were you with?"

"Do you want me to put on a tracking device to make this easier for you?" I joked. "Look I was in New York with Rachel and her dads." I informed her.

"Oh great so you were fucking Berry all break. Wonderful to know." Quinn said rolling her eyes. "You know I really needed you over break. I needed you advice." Quinn whispered the last part as two freshmen Cheerios walked by.

"Why on earth would the great Quinn Fabray need my advice?" I asked curiously.

"Well…I was thinking of maybe…coming out to my parents." Quinn said biting her bottom lip. If we were the affectionate kind of friends I would've hugged her, but that was the exact opposite of what we were.

"Are you fucking insane? You want to tell your pastor dad that you're a homo? Yeah I'm sure that'll go over real well."

"I know I get that it's gonna suck and they'll probably disown me, but…if I want to ask Brittany out then I want to be good to her. I won't hide her." Quinn said and then I saw the sparkle in her eyes that told me there was more too it. "Which is why I want you to be there when I do it." She said it in her happy voice mask the fact that she'd lost her fucking mind, but I saw right through it. I starred at her for a full five seconds before turning around and beginning to walk away. "Wait!"

"No way Fabray, have you lost it? Why me anyway?"

"Because if I bring Britt then they might say something hurtful to her." Quinn replied.

"But you don't care if they hurt my feelings?" I questioned.

"Of course not." The bell rang for our next class and we exchanged looks before I nodded. "Thank you so much." Quinn pinched both my cheeks and smiled happily before skipping off down the hallway.

"Can't believe my girl came back and she didn't even think to call me." I spun around and jumped into Sam's arms. He smiled and held me tightly too him. "I missed you Santa."

"I missed you too Samantha."

**Review Please.**


	37. Chapter 37

**So I did something a little different with having this Quinn POV in the beginning I hope it doesn't mess up the story too much. And this gets pretty intense, I hope you guys enjoy it.**

Quinn's POV

I gave Santana the look; it was the same look I'd given her since she showed up at my car five minutes ago. I was not amused. The part that annoyed me was that Santana had that dumb smug look on her face. I kept my doors looked forcing her to lean down and look at me through the passenger's side window which was about halfway down.

"Hey don't be stung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by it's cover." I was glaring at Santana now because I knew that was a line from a musical or at least something nerdy that Sam would probably watch. She was annoying me and she knew it. "Sorry I'm not wearing a dress, but what do you expect?" She questioned.

"You literally scream gay." She was wearing skinny jeans and black Doc Martens, with a v-neck and a beanie on. My gaydar would've gone off from a mile away, but my parents were sort of naïve when it came to things like this. "Oh my god you are so annoying." I said before unlocking my door and letting Santana in my car.

"Okay I'm gonna ignore your sass because I know you're just nervous." Santana said putting on her seatbelt. "So I'm just gonna be there for coffee right? I'm not expecting this to last long."

"My parents are going to want you to stay for dinner." I warned her.

"I'll just say I have to get home." Santana informed me.

"Does your dwarf girlfriend know where you're gonna be? I don't want her bitching about this or anything." I said turning off the radio and cruising past a black minivan.

"Why would she bitch about this?" Santana asked curiously.

"Um, maybe because we've fucked." I said rashly. I could see Santana rolling her eyes but I continued. "I'm sure Rachel gets annoyed every time you mention me even if we're only bros now."

"Please don't ever refer to me as your bro." Santana said as I parked in my driveway.

"Fine you can be my hoe." I said getting out of my car and heading towards my front door. Santana followed and I opened my front door looking around to see if my parents were actually home yet. There were no signs of life besides my cat Sid and I shrugged and walked into my kitchen. "Bummer." I mumbled.

"Where are your rents? Quinn I have zero patience with this shit, I still don't even know why I'm here." She said crossing her arms over her chest.

"I just need your support you asswipe." I said. She pulled out her phone after it buzzed once and she looked at what I was assuming was a text message. Judging by her small smile it must have been Rachel I snatched the phone from her and looked at the text/

[From Rachel]: _San I'm making cookies for you, when you get home just come over here, my dads won't be back till 9._

I quirked an eyebrow at Santana who grabbed her phone back. "Wow talk about horny." I said laughing. "Gosh San, you really have important _things_ to do."

"I will walk out of your house right this-…shit!" Santana said suddenly burying her face in her hands. I looked around wondering if I was supposed to know why she just freaked out.

"Um…there there…" I said poking her on the shoulder trying to calm her down.

"I can't believe I forgot about my car. It's at the school. How the shit am I supposed to get home?" She questioned.

"Let's see who do you know that has a car? Like a sexy ass blonde maybe?" I joked. "I'll take you home because my parents will probably kick me out-." Just then, I heard my garage door open, my father, and mother's voices approaching the side door. Santana went into my refrigerator, grabbed a glass bottle of Coca Cola, and opened it. I figured she just wanted to do something to keep herself busy, but that wasn't exactly helping me right now.

"Hi Qui-…oh hi there. Santana right?" My mother said as she entered the kitchen. My father was close behind and when he saw Santana, he smiled.

"Yeah, hi Mr. and Mrs. Fabray." Santana said looking over at me for direction. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it when my mom gave me a concerned look.

"Honey are you alright? You look a little pale." My mom said taking off her jacket and pressing the back of her hand to my forehead. "I'll make soup for you tonight." She offered. My dad walked completely into the kitchen and sat down.

"No, it's not that. I'm not sick I just…" Everyone was just looking at each other. I didn't know if I should say something now. I suddenly became extremely unsure of myself. I felt like a kid or an idiot, or both. Santana couldn't do anything to help me, but I should've come up with something to say, something proper, like a well written speech. Watching _Milk_ wasn't going to help me understand much besides what it was like to be the gay governor of California in the 60s.

"Quinn wants to tell you guys something important." I glared at Santana with my mouth wide open and she just shrugged and took another sip of her Cola. I could've punched her right now.

"Oh is that so?" My father said looking at me and waiting patiently for me to explain what this was all about. "Quinn? What's this about?"

"Are you in some kind of trouble?" My mother questioned.

"No, everything's fine I'm just-." For some reason I couldn't say it. It wasn't like how Santana and I yelled it when no one was around. These were my parents. My judgmental and bigoted parents. I knew they just weren't going to accept me, I knew it.

"Did something happen at school?" My father said standing up dramatically.

"Are you pregnant?" My mother chirped.

"No!" I said. "No…"

"Well then what is it? Why are you acting so strange? Quinn tell us now-."

"I'm gay!" I shouted. "I thought you two should-."

"Get out." My father said looking me right in the eyes. I looked for my mom for support, but she looked away. I felt Santana's hand gripping my bicep, I didn't look at her, I just kept my eyes on my father. He looked so cold, so unreal. "Did you hear what I said? Get out, now." He said it like he was asking me to take out the trash rather than kicking me out.

"But dad-…"

"But nothing. No daughter of mine is going to be a…" He could even say it, could he? "Is this your girlfriend? You invited someone so filthy into my house?"

"Cool it bro I am not her girlfriend." Santana said defending herself. She tugged my arm trying to get me to walk away, but I couldn't.

"Mom?" I looked directly at her but she wasn't going to have my back.

"If you're not out of here in 30 seconds I'm calling the police." My father warned. Santana pulled my arm harder and I finally turned away from my parents and walked out of the door. When we stepped outside, Santana eyed me and took a big gulp of her Cola.

"…That went well."

…...

Santana's POV

"So what happened with Quinn?" Rachel asked as she sat down on the couch next to me. I took a bit of one of the cookies she'd made for me.

"Oh she got kicked out." Rachel gasped and I only smiled. "It's worse than it sounds. She's gonna crash with Brittany now, I'm sure that's a worthwhile payoff for her." Rachel nodded and turned on the TV. "I'm proud of her though, it was a big step."

"You're a good friend." Rachel said with a smile. I grabbed another cookie and stuck it in my mouth, taking a quick bite before sitting it down on the napkin next to me. Rachel was watching the news while I watched her. It wasn't long before I found my hand slipping over to her thigh. She didn't look away from the TV she just bit down on her lip as I moved my hand up further.

"San…" I tried to pull Rachel on top of me but she stopped me. "I have a question for you." I couldn't help but feel a little worried. Maybe Rachel was having second thoughts about us, that was the first thing that ran through my mind.

"Yeah…" I said. Rachel jumped on my lap and I looked around wondering if this was supposed to be a joke. Rachel had just stopped me from making a move on her, but now she was straddling my hips. "Rach, wanna try and be more of a tease?" I joked. She ran her fingers through my hair and kissed my temple. I gave her a curious glance and she finally smiled.

"I'm embarrassed to ask." She said coyly.

"Embarrassed? Oh come on." I said running my hands up and down her thighs. "It's just you and me here. I've seen you…I've seen your ass Rachel-."

"Shut it." Rachel said with a blush. She continued to look down bashfully and I wondered why she was suddenly so shy. I tried to look up at her eyes but her long eyelashes covered them. I gently tapped her butt and she looked up at me. "I…when we were in that hotel room. When we almost…" I smiled at the memory, but still sat there waiting for the actual question.

"Would you just talk to me?" I said finally feeling a little frustrated.

"I just wanted to know if you're um…a top?" I stared at her for a second before laughing. "It's not funny Santana, seriously don't laugh." Now I was cracking up, and Rachel did not look happy. "Oh thanks, I try and open up to you about something and you laugh at me." She hit me on the shoulder and then again a moment later when I still hadn't stopped laughing.

"I'm sorry, but it's sort of funny. Why are you asking that?" I questioned.

"I just wanted to know." She said with a light laugh.

"Well…" I thought for a second before speaking again. "I'm a top I guess."

"Why?" Rachel asked curiously. "I mean is there a certain reason?"

"I guess it's more about me being in control, making others feel good. It's a totally mentality. Does that like bother you? I know I can be touchy and-."

"No, I like it…I mean I really like it." She leaned down and kissed me on the lips. "Touch me." She demanded as she put my hand over her breast. It wasn't long before my hand was under her shirt and I was biting down on her lip. She moaned and grinded her body down against mine. "You know what I want?" She whispered in my ear.

"Hmm." I said sucking her pulse point.

"I want you to fuck me." She said looking directly into my eyes. "I want you to fuck me and don't hold back." I kissed her, warm and gently at the same time. I wanted her, she wanted me to want her, so what was the problem? I couldn't help but feel guilt resonate through my body, something was wrong, and it was all my fault.

_Flashback_

"_Kenzie wait! Would you please just talk to me?" I yelled after her as she rushed into the house and bolted upstairs. I wanted to follow her, but the door slammed shut and I knew she just wanted to be alone. This had been the routine for the past few days. We'd get heckled at school, people would call us names, anything the worst they could think of, and then after Kenzie would run upstairs and lock herself in our room._

_I felt bad. Truthfully, this was my fault. If Kenzie wasn't my adopted sister then she wouldn't get so much shit from all the bullies. It was my fault for being weird, for being so different. If it weren't for me then she wouldn't be so upset, so broken right now._

_But it seemed like more._

_Much more actually. Kenzie was tough, so why was this affecting her like this? I wanted to ask, but she'd been shutting me out so much lately, that I just felt disconnected. I'd even started sleeping on the couch in the basement just to give her more space. _

_I walked into the kitchen to be met by the gaze of my mother. I could see my brother out of the corner of my eye, eating pizza squares and watching TV while my mother made tea. "I don't know what's wrong with her." I said shaking my head._

"_Have you tried talking to her?" My mother asked._

"_Of course. That's the first thing I tried. She just shuts down and tells me that she needs some space." I was beyond frustrated. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. Was that just too much to ask? As soon as the final papers were signed, everything had changed. Kenzie started separating from me and worse, my mother's cancer came back. We couldn't get a break._

"_Well she's your sister; she'll open up to you the most. All you have to do is be honest with her about how you feel and she'll be honest with you. Remember mija, that is the most important thing in any relationship." I nodded and stole a pizza square off my brother's plate. _

"_Maybe she's just on her period or something, don't worry about it." I looked at my brother and smacked him on the shoulder. "What was that for?"_

"_For being an idiot-." We her a chair squeak and a load thud from upstairs. I looked at my mom first and then at Nico. "What was that?" I asked. Neither one of them said anything, they both just shrugged. "Kenzie! Kenz?!" I started towards the steps and I could hear my brother get up and follow me. I walked upstairs and towards my room._

_The door was closed like I expected so I knocked first. "Kenzie? Are you okay?" No answer. I knocked again. "Kenz, just say something and we'll leave." No answer. I looked back at Nico who looked more worried than I've ever seen him. "We're coming in." I turned the knob and pushed the door open slowly._

_Everything changed when I saw her. She was hanging from the fan. Her belt around her neck. I ran too her, wrapping my arm around her legs and lifting her up as best I could, while Nico was trying to get the belt out from around her neck. It was hard to hold her, I thought that I was going to give up for a moment, but that was at the exact time when Nico undid the belt._

_We fell to the floor, Kenzie and I. I thought about CPR, but I didn't know how to do it. Nico was calling the cops and screaming for our mom. All I could do was hold her, hold her and regret not pushing harder for her to speak to me. I just wished I'd pushed harder._

_End Flashback_.

Rachel was under me, biting down on my collarbone, undoing my belt, and moaning every time I pressed my knee against her core. "Santana…please…take them off." She lifted her hips allowing me to pull down her panties. I tossed them behind us as my hand moved further up her thigh. "Touch me…it's okay." It was okay, I knew it was okay, but I couldn't help but feel so awful about this.

"Wait…we should stop." I sat up and Rachel looked at me like I was crazy. She was still panting, still lying there with lust filled eyes.

"Why? Was it something I did? Did I say something wrong?"

"Of course not. I want to, I want this, but…I haven't been honest with about something. And I can't keep this away from you." Rachel fixed her shirt and I put my belt back on. We sat down, awkwardly for a few moments before I opened up my mouth. "I should've told you sooner, the second I found out."

"San…please just tell me…whatever it is, I'm sure it's not that awful." She pressed her hand against my cheek and smiled. "I trust you, whatever this is, we can get past it."

"It's about…" I leaned in and kissed her cheek. "It's about your mother."

"M-my mother?" She questioned.

"Yes Rachel." I looked her directly in the eyes. "I know who your mother is, and you know her too."


	38. Chapter 38

**Follow my tumblr blog: **Tryflashback

"What are you talking about? How could I know my mother?" Rachel asked fixing her clothes and standing up. I watched her begin pacing, knowing full well that I didn't pick the right moment to tell her this, but also that it was important for her to know.

"I need you to sit down so that I can explain this to you." She just kept walking back and forth. I knew that she was going over the list of people that we both knew in her mind. I knew that she was freaking out, but we could do this like civil people if she just calmed down. "Rachel."

"Just tell me! Who is it?" Rachel snapped.

"I don't want to tell you like this. This is something important, so if you're not ready to hear it then-."

"Don't hang it over my head Santana, I'm a big girl okay." She sat down next to me. "Who is she?"

"Ms. Corcoran." She looked like she wanted to hit me but her anger must have been suppressed by the fact that I must have sounded crazy. I wouldn't believe it myself if I were her, but she should trust me, she has to. "She told me a while ago, but I couldn't…I didn't know how to tell you."

"So you've talked to her about me, she's the reason you even talked to me in the first place, isn't she?" I took Rachel's hand and looked her in the eyes.

"She just wanted to talk to you, to tell you herself, but she was afraid that you'd be freaked out by the whole idea. I'm not doing this for her, Rachel. I'm doing this for you. My mom died less than a year ago, and it still hurts, but I know what a mom can mean for someone. At least give the lady a chance."

_Flashback_:

"_It's because you're stronger than me Nico, I can't…I won't." I looked away from him cowering in my own skin. I couldn't take this, first Kenzie and now my mom's dead? No, this isn't how things were supposed to happen. This isn't the way anything should be. How am I supposed to live without them both?_

"_You can, you just have to trust that mom is up there looking down on you, she's watching over us now." He just didn't understand. He was older, his heart could take more, but I just learned what a true friendship is and now to have the two most important people snatched out of my life, it's just too much to bear._

"_Where's dad? I want to go see Kenzie." I told Nico trying to get past him but he was blocking the door._

"_No you don't, you don't want to see her like that, hooked up to machines. What you need to do is stay here." He assured me. He sat me down on my bed and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Have you thought about talking to God about any of this?"_

"_Fuck God." I said bitterly._

"_Don't say that San, don't." I looked over at him and then down. _

"_Why do you think Kenzie did that? I mean…why? I just don't understand it." I said shaking my head._

"_I don't know." He said without adding a comforting word. Usually he has something comforting to say. "What I do know is that you shouldn't read that note she wrote. Not now at least."_

"_So you really think mom's looking down on us? Right now and everything?" I asked hoping that he'd say yes._

"_Of course, she'll watch over us, and protect us." Nico said. _

"_So it's like she'll always be here for us. I'll always have a mom." I think at this point I was actually just talking to myself rather than Nico. "Mom is here." I said pointing to my heart. "And here." I added pointing to his._

"_She's our rock San, she'll always be our rock."_

_End Flashback_

"Say something." I urged Rachel. We'd now moved up to her room so we couldn't be interrupted by her parents when they came home. Rachel said she just wanted me to hold her, I told her that was all I wanted to, so we just laid here, my arms wrapped around her, and her eyes looking off sort of in a daze.

I had to make sure she was okay. I knew she wasn't ready to hear everything, but she wasn't freaking out completely and that was a good sign.

"I just never thought…I mean she's been so close to me this whole time. We've talked, not deeply, but I've said hi to her just about everyday of high school. So I've known my mom for years. It's mindboggling really." She said in this quiet and shaky voice.

"But you don't know her. I mean you know she's an English teacher, but that's all." I said.

"Aren't people supposed to love their mothers? I don't know how that feels." She said.

"You don't have to. She…I don't think she wants you to feel like that, she doesn't want you to fake anything. You can develop those feelings over time, or you know, you don't even have to." I explained to her. "She's a really chill lady."

"How often do you talk to her? I mean what do you even talk about with her besides me?" Rachel questioned skeptically.

"Books, we're both kinda bookworms I guess." I didn't want to lie to her anymore so I took a deep breath before continuing. "Rachel?"

"Huh?"

"Have you heard of eidetic memory?" I asked knowing full well that no normal teen would ever hear of something like that.

"No…what is it?" Rachel asked looking up at me. I gently pulled my arms away from her and stood to my feet. Rachel was looking at me curiously, especially when I grabbed her backpack and dumped out the contents. "What are you doing?" She asked when I grabbed a book called _The Call of the Wild_. I handed the book to her.

"Open the book to any page, show it to me for no more than two seconds, and remember the page number." She nodded but still looked a little unsure as to what was about to happen. "Okay…go." She did as she was told, holding up the book to me for only about one second before closing it quickly.

"Okay…now what?"

"Open the book to the page that you opened before." I told her before turning away from her. "_Buck retreated two or three steps. Francois followed him up, whereupon he again retreated. After some time of this, Francois threw down the club, thinking that Buck feared a thrashing. But Buck was in open revolt. He wanted, not to escape a clubbing, but to have the leadership. It was his by right. He had earned it, and he would not be content with less._" When I finished the excerpt, she looked up at me with wide eyes.

"How did you do that?" She questioned. "I barely even showed you it."

"Ms. Corcoran told me about it, I always wondered why school came so easily to me, but when she explained that I had eidetic memory I didn't feel like such a freak anymore. All it is, is like super photographic memory along with audio memory as well. That's why I don't forget much of anything. " Rachel still seemed sort of awestruck.

"Why did you keep something so cool from me?" She asked.

"I don't know…I guess I just felt like I came here with some many secrets, if I started off telling you everything you would've been scared of me." I said truthfully. "But now…we're in a relationship, a serious one at that, we she just be truthful with one another." Rachel stood up and kissed me on the lips before pulling us both back down to the bed and before cuddling up next to me.

"So what do I do?"

"About Ms. Corcoran? I think she might want to talk to you-."

"Where? When? How? What do I wear? Do I call her mom? What should I-."

"Rachel, Jesus, calm down." I told her covering her mouth. "Just ask her if she wants to meet you for coffee, and call her Ms. Corcoran until she tells you what she'd prefer to be called. Meet her on level ground; she's just as nervous as you are about this."

"You sound like you really know her well." Rachel said.

"I just read people well I guess…plus I understood the place she was coming from." I said quietly. "I miss my mom a lot but…Ms. Corcoran is kind of like my new idol. So be nice to her."

"Do you want to go with me when I meet up with her?"

"Wont that be weird?" I asked.

"Maybe…but nothing is really normal about any of this right?" I nodded. "Plus I'll be way out of my comfort zone and if there's someone there to hold my hand it won't seem so scary." Confident Rachel was charming, but nervous Rachel was so cute.

"Okay…I'll tag along." I offered.

"Do you think I look like her?" I didn't want to answer the question, mainly because I didn't understand how Rachel could ever overlook the fact that she looked just like Ms. Corcoran. That's what happens when you aren't looking for something but it's right there. I'll bet she spent her whole life thinking that she looked like one of her dads. It wasn't my place to uproot any of those thoughts.

"You tell me when you see her."

"I've seen her a million times, it's not like this will be the first time." Rachel said.

"Yeah, actually it will be. It'll be the first time you're seeing her as your mom." I could here the garage door open and I knew her fathers must be home. "This changes everything."

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	39. Chapter 39

**I apologize for being a moron and not updating this in like a million years.**

"Here." My father held out the house phone and moved it closer when I didn't move. No one ever called me at home, so why was he handing it to me? I took it out of his hand and eyed him curiously when he kept his eyes on his hands and he picked at his cuticles.

"Who is it?" I asked as I covered the speaker with my hand. He didn't respond and I held the phone up to my ear. "Hello?" I said hoping that it wasn't a telemarketer or a Jehovah's witness or something because frankly I was not in the mood.

"Hello, this is Doctor Rothko, from the central hospital. I'm calling in regards to patient 192-."

"Her name is Kenzie." I said sternly.

"Yes, Kenzie . Now, as you know the government and child services fund her care. At this time I regret to inform you that that care can no longer be provided-."

"What are you talking about? Kenzie should be under the family insurance." I stood up and walked outside. "Lopez should be the name she's under."

"I'm sorry but that is not the case, now action is necessary at a time like this. I would prefer it if you were here in person, you are Rosa Lopez, correct?" My body stiffened slightly at the sound of my mother's name.

"No, I'm her daughter, but if it's regarding Kenzie then talk to me. What do you want me to do?" I asked petrified about what she was going to say.

"Your two options are to take her off life support-."

"No." I snapped. "Whatever the other option is we'll do that."

"I need you to come to California, there's a lot of paperwork involve in things like this. I don't want you to make any decisions beforehand, however I need to tell you that her condition hasn't improve in a long time. Her brain is-."

"Okay, I get it. But we'll fly down this weekend. Just, wait until then. Um, do you need to talk to my father?" I asked her looking back towards my house.

"No, I will see you over the weekend. Thank you for your time, bye." I held the phone in my hand for a few moments before slamming it down on the ground. I starred at the broken pieces in front of me for a second before storming back inside.

"What did you do?!" I yelled as soon as I made eye contact with him.

_Flashback_

"_You ready to go?" My father asked me for the second time. The keys were already in the ignition, he'd already turned them too, all that was left for him to do was to press down. I looked up at him and leaned back in my seat. I hate this, I couldn't handle this. I thought about acting like a lunatic, forcing him to let me stay. I'd rather be institutionalized then to have to move to Ohio._

_What was in Ohio anyway? Corn fields and buckeyes. _

"_Why are we driving there?" I questioned as we backed out of the driveway._

"_It'll give us time to think. Maybe we'll learn to appreciate a few things along the way." My father explained. I was happy that he'd been able to stay strong throughout this whole period of time. I never told him thank you, but he knew I needed it. "Look I'm sorry, I wish this whole thing could have been avoided."_

"_This is not your fault, I'd never dream of blaming you." I said looking out the window. The trees seem to pass by slowly, but every time we passed by the buildings it seemed like I had no time to look at them. Would this be the last time I ever see my home? _

"_I have to ask you a question Santana." I knew just from the tone of voice, that I wasn't going to want to answer the question. "Were you and Kenzie…did you two…? You know what I'm trying to say. I don't need to spell it out."_

_I let my silence answer for me._

"_So how do you feel about it now?" He asked. He was never good at talking about emotions. He always sounded distant and rigid. "Are there regrets?"_

"_Not about that, about other things maybe, but never…about that." I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached back to grab my water bottle. _

"_I respect that." He said keeping his eyes on the road. "Was it…an experiment? I know girls your age-."_

"_It's wasn't a goddamn experiment dad." I assured him. I looked over at him and sunk lower in my seat, when I realized how rude I sounded. I kept trying to convince myself that I wasn't mad at him, but my anger kept flaring up and he was my only outlet. "Sorry."_

"_I understand."_

"_Yeah, well…everything is making me feel like crap. I feel like everything is crashing down on me, and…I don't understand. So if you understand, then for the love of God enlighten me."_

_End Flashback_.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"Why isn't she on our insurance plan? We have the money so why?" I questioned. Sometimes I just wanted to hit him. I wondered if that would make me feel better.

"There hasn't been a change in her condition, and I thought-."

"You thought what? That I'd just let you pull the plug?" I was furious at this point. How could he do this?

"No, no of course not." He started. "I gave you the phone because I believe that this is your decision, not mine."

"Why?" I said as I crossed my arms over my chest. There had to be another reason. There must be.

"Because you love her, so I'll let you decide."

…

"Ready?" I asked Rachel as she walked down her front steps. She stood there for a second before taking a step back and then forward and then back once more.

"Do I look okay? What if she hates my outfit?" I rolled my eyes, took Rachel's hand, and started pulling her towards my driveway. "What should we talk about? Does she like music? Wait! If she doesn't like music then I cannot have a civilized discussion with her."

"Rachel, you're just nervous. I'll be there with you so don't worry. It's just coffee." I assured her. We got into my car and I started driving, slowly just so that she wouldn't freak out anymore than she already had. "Tell me why you're really nervous." I pressured.

"I don't know." She said quietly.

"Is it because you think she won't accept you?" I could see Rachel snap her head towards me as soon as I said it.

"How'd you know that?"

"Intuition." I mumbled as I pulled into the café parking lot. "Here we are." I said as I parked. "Come on." I said going over to the other side of the car and opening the door for Rachel. She got out and we headed inside. Rachel's eyes moved around and once we'd spotted Ms. Corcoran she freaked.

"Oh my god." Rachel mumbled as we started walking over towards the table.

"Hi girls." Ms. Corcoran said.

"Hi." Rachel practically squeaked out before quickly sitting down across from Ms. Corcoran. I brought he barista over and ordered Rachel and I coffee.

"Santana, how's the gift going? I don't suspect that you've been counting cards or something crazy like that." I smirked and looked down at my hands.

"I hadn't actually thought about doing that, but now-."

"You'd better not." Ms. Corcoran warned. "What about you Miss Rachel Berry, how have you been using that wonderful musical talent of yours?" I could tell that Rachel was surprised about being put on the spot. Her cheeks burned red and relief spread across her face when the coffee arrived.

"Um, nothing much really." Rachel said quickly.

"She's lying. She has a dance recital next week. She's just being shy." Rachel kicked me under the table. "What? It's cute." I said smiling at her. I realized that Ms. Corcoran was staring at us with curious eyes and I quickly looked away from Rachel.

"How are your fathers Rachel?"

"They're doing well. My dad's new art exhibit is on display right now. If you have the time-."

"I've already see it." Ms. Corcoran informed us.

"Wow suck up much." I said grinning right at Ms. Corcoran.

"Why did you give me up?" It was safe to say that everyone was shocked by the question. Even Rachel looked slightly shocked by her own question. "I'm sorry-."

"No, I owe you an explanation." Ms. Corcoran said. I noticed that she was composed up until this point. I think she was playful by nature, but now that she was confronted with Rachel, she was losing some of that. "I was very young when I had you. I was just a kid, lost confused, but more than that I had a dream. I wanted to be an actress, I wanted to work on Broadway, but…I knew I couldn't handle being a mother as well. I gave you up because I wanted something better for you. I couldn't be a good mother but I owed you something."

"You would've given up anything for your dream, huh?" Rachel asked tentatively.

"Yes."

"Okay yeah you're definitely Rachel's mom." I said with a smile. "Do you sometimes start talking and forget how to stop? Cause Rachel does that all the time." This time Rachel nudged me in the ribs hard.

"You're such a pest."

"Why do you keep me around huh?" I joked. Rachel gave me a warning glance and Ms. Corcoran just laughed.

"Oh good heavens." She said before taking a sip of her coffee.

"What?" Rachel and I said in unison.

"You two are dating."

**I feel like I should actually be apologizing. It's been like a month since I've updated this, and that's awful of me. I'm think 3 more chapters of this fic, hopefully I can fit everything into that. Thanks for sticking around on this fic, again I'm sorry.**


	40. Chapter 40

**One to two more chapters, still unsure. **

"Santana what were you thinking?" I didn't like how my father was treating me, or just how he had been treating me since we'd gotten here. He thought he could scare me into acting like I'd done something wrong, but I stood by my decisions no matter what. I could hear Rachel moving around upstairs, she was pacing, and probably listening for her opening.

I was stuck down here with my father, the Berry men and Ms. Corcoran. Somehow, all the attention was on me at this point. My father was angry, and he was pissed that I'd gotten into someone else's business.

"I'm not sorry." I told him with my arms crossed over my chest. "Rachel deserved to know. I'm sorry that it wasn't on everyone's terms but I did what I thought was right at the time." I shrugged and sat down on the couch waiting for my father to blow up again.

"This was none of your business; you should've just kept your mouth shut. We didn't start a new life here just to have you screw around." I was so sick of this. No one in here had the right to tell me anything. I did this for Rachel and I stand behind my decision.

"None of this is her fault, this is on me. I pushed her to do it, which was unprofessional. If anyone should be apologizing it should be me." Ms. Corcoran said forcing my father to take a step away from me. I didn't want Ms. Corcoran to take the blame either. It wasn't fair. I looked over at Hiram and Leroy and they almost seemed indifferent about this whole thing as if they were sharing their comments telepathically.

"We aren't upset Santana." Hiram said. "We just wanted this to be a special moment for us, telling Rachel, organizing everything but…I actually think it worked out better." I wanted to hug him, but I felt like that was out of the question considering my father still looked like he was pissed at me.

"Santana, you care about our daughter, which means we care about you. I know you're impulsive too, which is why we respect your decision to tell Rachel." Leroy came over and rested his hand on my shoulder. "Now, this is enough of that. Go upstairs, we'll finish up this conversation down here." I knew they wanted to say more, but they didn't want me to feel like I was being outnumbered. I took the peace offering and ran upstairs to Rachel's room.

When I opened the door, Rachel was sitting on her bed biting her fingernails. "Well that could've been much worse." I said as I sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that." Rachel said gripping my hand. "If it's worth anything I'm really happy you told me about Ms. Corcoran. I've found that I like having a mom."

"I'm really happy for you." I said with a smile. "What does she think about us dating?" I asked Rachel. After our meeting for coffee last week, Rachel and Ms. Corcoran had another meet up for dinner. I never got a chance to ask about it, because I was busy packing and helping Quinn settle her anxiety about Brittany.

"She thinks that you are very lucky." I rolled my eyes and tackled Rachel down onto the bed so that I was hovering over her. "And she thinks that you're kinda a nerd and should totally treat me like a princess forever and ever." I kissed her on her cheek and smiled.

"I'd do anything for you princess." I leaned down and kissed her lips this time.

"Will you do my math homework for me?" Rachel asked with a hopeful grin.

"Oh shut up." I said playfully. "Can I ask you a favor?" I said quietly.

"Sure…of course…anything."

"Will you go with me to California; I mean just…pack tonight and leave on Friday?" I knew it was a lot to ask. And from the way Rachel's eyes studied me in confusion let me know that she felt like she'd missed something.

"Like…are we running away?" In hindsight I shouldn't have laughed, but the fact that Rachel automatically assumed that I would suggest something like that was relatively funny in my opinion.

"No, I actually am going to see Kenzie. If that's okay. I know my father doesn't want to be there, but…would you?"

"Yes. A million times yes. I'll be there whenever you need me." Rachel promised. I cuddled up beside her and kissed her forehead. I began peppering kisses down her neck and suddenly Rachel was jumping up to her feet. "Nope no time for that, I need to plan out my outfits." I rolled my eyes and laid down flat on Rachel's bed.

"Why don't you just become a nudist?" I questioned jokingly.

"Of you'd like that now wouldn't you?"

"Yes." I said in a matter of fact tone. "Hey what was Quinn bitching about yesterday at school? I was sorta zoning out."

"She thinks that Lord Tubbington doesn't like her." I rolled over on my stomach and rested my hand against my hands.

"You mean the fat cat?" I asked Rachel who always seemed to keep up with little facts like this.

"He's not fat. You better not say that anywhere near Brittany or Quinn too actually. She'd beat you up." I raised an eyebrow. "Okay maybe she'd just try and beat you up. She's very protective of Brittany."

"Quinn's a moron."

"I still don't understand your friendship." Rachel said tossing a few clothes at me.

"Neither do I." I replied as I caught everything Rachel was throwing at me. "Rae, it's only three days at most, and that's if your fathers even let you go."

"Oh I don't plan on asking them." Rachel said nonchalantly.

"What?" I yelped out.

"I said _I don't plan on asking them_." Rachel repeated for my satisfaction. "Santana Lopez…" Rachel had this mischievous smile on her face. "I do believe you've turned me into what they call a bad girl."

…

"Why are you so quiet?" Quinn asked as she lit my cigarette for me. I watched her out of the corner of my eye, refusing to look at her directly. We were back to the spot, _our _spot. The one where I made her express herself, where I told her she shouldn't be afraid to be who she was.

"I'm not." I lied.

"Okay." Quinn was waiting for me to crack. We'd been out here for twenty minutes. She was bundled up but I was comfy in just a long sleeve shirt. "Is it about Rachel?"

"No."

"Jesus Christ just tell me. You always do this stupid build up thing for nothing." Quinn said nudging me and snatching my cigarette out of my hand. "What's going on San?"

"I'm going to California tomorrow." I told her with a frown. "It's about Kenzie."

"You're sister? The one who tried to…" We both knew what she was going to say, but we were both relieved that she didn't. "Why are you going tomorrow? What's the rush?"

"I have to…the nurses say I need to choose to pull the plug or keep her on the machine." Quinn looked down at the ground and I looked at her. She always had answers; she needed to tell me what to do. "I'm lost."

"You haven't seen her in months. You can't decide prematurely." Quinn advised me.

"There shouldn't be a goddamn thing to decide. I can't kill her, but…how can I let her continue suffering? I don't deserve this power. I'm not God." I stomped out my cigarette and stood up. My hands were in my pockets, an old habit I was desperately trying to break.

"No…it's not about power, it's about love." Quinn assured me. "There's no right thing here, but you'll know exactly what to do when you see her. She might not have spoken about something like this to you directly, but you know deep down what she would've wanted." I think Quinn was right, or at least I was relying on it.

"Why are you so goddamn smart at giving other people advice, but you are always at a loss when it comes to Brittany?" I questioned.

"How do I approach her about…you know what we talked about earlier."

"Just tell her you want to top her; Jesus B doesn't give two shits. She was only topping you because you're too much of a pussy to do something about it." Quinn tried to trip me but I avoided her tactic and moved towards my motorcycle. "Down girl." I joked when Quinn tried to punch me in the shoulder.

"What about you and Berry? You'd probably let her top you." Quinn said trying to get me back.

"Well actually I'm trying to see if she'll let us join the mile high club tomorrow." I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively. "It's on my bucket list."

"You're a perv." Quinn said as I got on my motorcycle and she got on the back.

"A least I'm not a slut." I muttered jokingly.

"I am not!" Quinn yelled.

"Are too Fabray, now hang on tight, I wouldn't want to mess up that stupid little shirt of yours." I sped off knowing that tomorrow everything was going to change. Tomorrow I was going to play God. I wish with all my heart that tomorrow will never come.

**Review you wonderful people.**


	41. Chapter 41

**It's been a long ride guys, but here's the final chapter. I'm sorry for the incredibly long wait, but I hope it was worth it. **

"Are you nervous?" Rachel asked me as we walked into the hospital. I guess I'd been shaking for awhile now. I knew that my hands were shoved into my pockets, but I also new that Rachel was clinging to my arm in an attempt to comfort me. It wasn't working, nothing would really work at this point.

"Yes of course." I tried to keep my voice down, but I saw one or two nurses turn their heads when they heard me snap like that. "I can't do this." I said as we headed for the elevator. I knew Doctor Rothko would be waiting for me on the forth floor, she promised she'd be there when I arrived today.

When we arrived on the forth floor I immediately looked around. She was in room 413, but I didn't know if I was allowed to just go in. Should I wait for the doctor?

"Santana Lopez?" I knew it was Doctor Rothko as soon as I saw her approaching. I'd looked her up online so I would knew what she looked like when I met her.

"Hi, Doctor Rothko." I said reaching out and shaking her hand. "And this is my girlfriend, Rachel." She gave Rachel a warm smile before looking back at me.

"Would you like to come see Kenzie?" I nodded and took Rachel's hand as we walked towards the room. I stopped in front of the door peering in at her. She was laying there, eye closed…I guess that's what I expected but still it made my heart jump. "You can go in you know." It was meant as a joke but I didn't know if I really could. Her hair looked beautiful, the sunlight hitting it perfectly, but my mind just fought this beauty with the heartbreak that I'd felt when I last saw her.

"I-I know…but she…I…" Rachel squeezed my hand and I turned towards her.

"I'm gonna be down the hall, maybe I'll clown around with the kids in the pediatric ward." I smiled at that and squeezed her hand.

"Like Patch Adams?" I joked.

"Yea, exactly like him." Rachel wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug before pulling back again. "You need to go in there; you won't know what to do unless you talk to her." I nodded, completely agreeing with Rachel. But I thought Rachel would go in with me, it was nice holding her hand, I felt protected, but if I went in there alone, it would just be Kenzie and me. I didn't know how I felt about that.

"Okay." I said waiting for Rachel and Doctor Rothko to walk away before I put my hand on the door handle and pushed it open. I half expected Kenzie to jump up and tell me that she'd been playing an elaborate joke on me, just waiting for me to come by so she could freak me out. I wouldn't put it past her, but instead she laid there unmoving. "Hey." I said closing the door behind me and walking over to sit down in the seat next to Kenzie's bed. "Leave it to you to look beautiful in a coma." She would've laughed at that, no doubt, but now it was only my light chuckle that filled the room.

I reached out, brushed a strand of displaced hair behind her ear, and smiled. "I have a girlfriend." I don't know why I was saying this, or saying anything for that matter. Maybe Kenzie didn't want to know. I can practically imagine her saying _well good for you want a cookie? _"Her name's Rachel, and I'm pretty sure…I mean I know, I'm in love with her." I could practically fill in her side of the conversation.

_It's pretty stupid of you to fall in love. It's pretty stupid of her to fall in love with a girl like you_. I had to stop filling in what I think she would say because I'd probably end up getting into an argument with myself. "I think you know why I'm here." I started. "I'm here because of that conversation we had the third day you were at my house. Do you remember it? Do you remember what you said?"

_Flashback_

"_Do you know how to fly?" I looked over at her curiously. Was this girl a goddamn lunatic or what? I didn't know if I should laugh, but I did, and Kenzie walked over and say down on my bed next to me. She had no inkling of an idea about personal space, did she?_

"_People can't fly." I informed her._

"_Have you tried?" She asked with a mischievous smile forming on her face. I didn't have to know her for longer than a day, to know that she's a trouble-maker and a button pusher. _

"_What kinda lunatic would try to fly?" I asked her._

"_I would." She said with a smile. She rolled up her sleeve and showed me a scar than ran from her elbow to her wrist. "You should've seen the blood." She whispered._

"_Why would you do that?" I asked her. Now I was interested. She was weird and quirky, but so incredibly interesting. I'd never talked to anyone about flying before, so I just had to give her a chance._

"_To see if I could." I nodded my head and returned to my artwork. "I do stuff like that a lot. I have to, just to know I'm still alive."_

"_Why don't you just check your pulse everyday? It'll save you a hell of a lot on medical bills." She smiled at that, but snatched my sketchbook out of my hand, dangling it just out of my reach._

"_I don't do that because I'm not an observer like you, I thrive on life. I hope I die before I get old." I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that. Wasn't it a big tacky? Using lyrics in real life. _

"_The Who? Really?"_

"_What about you? Once you stop being all dark and mysterious, will you go out there and live? Or open your eyes or something?" I leaned back on my bed and smiled at her._

"_You really think I'm that boring, huh?" I questioned._

"_No…I just wanted to know if you were ever going to try and fly." She said quietly. I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't decide what to say. We'd just met, it wasn't right of her to make me think this deeply about anything. "Get off the ground little birdy." She whispered playfully._

"_One day we'll go flying together." I promised her._

"_Really? Golly, can we?"_

"_Gah fuck off." I said finally snatching my sketchbook back._

"_I'll take that as a yes."_

_End Flashback_

I knew what she wanted. I knew all along. I realized now that this wasn't about me, or what I wanted, this had nothing to do with me. This was about Kenzie; this was about how she'd once tried flying, and how looking at her right now, I knew she'd never fly again.

I didn't know that for sure, but I was almost certain.

"Kenzie…I told you I love you right?" I wrapped my hands around her left hand and squeezed. "If I didn't tell you enough then I'm sorry. It's not fair, right? You and I should switch places. I'm the observer…you're the flyer." I rested my hand against her cheek. I stood up and opened the door to the room; Doctor Rothko was standing like she'd been waiting for me the whole time. "I'm ready." I don't know why I said that, I still didn't understand why I was allowed to make the choice but I was about to. "She'd never want to live if she couldn't fly." I told the doctor. "Please just make it quick." She walked over to the breathing monitor and hovered her finger over the button.

"Would you like to hold her hand or something?" I nodded and intertwined our hands. I watched as she pressed the button down. I kissed her lips, gently, trying to allow her to hold onto life for as long as she could. It only took about a minute. The longest damn minute of my life, but when I pulled back and looked at her I knew she was gone. "There's still paperwork-."

"I don't care. Ship it to Ohio, my father will take care of it. When she's cremated, send her ashes to Ohio to. I'm gonna spread them over the Grand Canyon."

"Why?"

"So she can fly."

…

_**3 Months Later:**_

"What's taking you so long?" I asked Rachel as I waited on her bed. I'd been ready for an hour and if she took three more minutes we'd be late. "I thought you were totally into punctuality now." I said getting up and knocking on the bathroom door.

"Oh calm down, keep your pants on." Rachel said as she opened the door and saw me for the first time since I'd arrive at her house. "Or take them off." She flirted kissing me on the lips. "Let's go." She grabbed my hand and practically dragged me down the stairs. I could barely keep up with Rachel when she's this excited. I had no idea how she even managed to run in heels. She reached down, grabbed herself a pair of nice boots, and switched her shoes while I waited at her front door.

"What are you doing?"

"Remember what we talked about before?" I pondered for a moment before my eyes lit up in recognition.

"I thought you were joking." I said following her towards my motorcycle. She pulled her leather jacket tighter around her body, rushed over, and jumped on my motorcycle. "Hey, wait a second. You can't drive this thing while wearing a dress."

"Yes I can." She said confidently. "Now get on cowgirl, we don't have all year." I rolled my eyes and put on Rachel's helmet for her. I reluctantly got onto the back on the motorcycle and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"You're a piece of work Rachel Berry." I said as she started the motorcycle.

"I know." She replied proudly.

"Wait…I forgot something." Rachel quickly turned off the ignition and lifted her helmet over her head so she could see me.

"What'd you forget?"

"This." I pulled her close to me and connected our lips. There was passion, there was always passion, but now it was different. It didn't take a lot to say _I love you_ to her anymore. I hadn't gotten angry over anything in a long time. We were going to the playhouse to watch an off Broadway production of _Wicked_ on a triple date with Sam, Mercedes, Quinn, and Brittany. Just because I was new it didn't mean that this couldn't be my home. Ohio had grown on me, the people here had grown on me, but most importantly I finally felt accepted. My father had stopped drinking, I hung out at Ms. Corcoran's house now, it just all felt right.

Nothing was more right than being here with Rachel.

"I love you San." Rachel said before she kissed me again. This kiss was tender, extended, and tender.

"The only thing I'm good at is being with you." I told her truthfully. "Don't you ever let me mess this up."

"You won't." Rachel assured me. "Now…Quinn's gonna complain about how we're late. And you're gonna say…"

"Frankly, Quinnifer, I don't give a damn." I said giving my best Clark Gable impersonation.

"And what movie is that from?" Rachel said practically bouncing off the motorcycle with excitement.

"_Gone with the Wind_." That earned me a high five and a huge grin. "Now shut up and drive." I told her in a teasing voice. "What's that from?" I asked her.

"I-…uh…I have no idea." She said.

"Rihanna." I replied with a huge grin.

"You're crazy Santana Rosa Lopez. And I guess that's why I love you so much."

**El Fin. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Go on tumblr, find my blog: Tryflashback, and we can talk about this story, other stories, Glee, and anything else you want to talk about. This story has been a lot of fun, so thanks for sticking with me. **


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